Monday, March 29, 2010

Whew! Saved!

I was right. The recent shows are starting to get to the end and the really good players are getting put on the chopping blocks.

On The Biggest Loser, the contestants went home for the week. Did that mean they could just enjoy their time? Oh heck no. It was the old, do the marathon and penalize the other contestants by eating a high calorie food challenge. This time it was on stationary bikes and with mini cupcakes. The best part of the homecoming was seeing how excited everybody was to see the contestants come home. It was so nice of the home people not to have a cake and a nice spread. How thoughtful. Anyway, I realized this season has a whole other breed of fatties. I couldn't believe how many of those mini cupcakes were eaten. Okay, maybe you might eat 1 or 2 if you think you might have a chance of winning but if you don't have a snowball's chance in hell, then why waste the calories? They had the families have walkie talkies to keep track of who was doing what. Really? They couldn't modernize that? How about an electronic tally that shows on a screen. For god's sake, if Wii can do it, so can they. So after a lot of screaming by the families and onlookers, Sam won but didn't win. He had so many time penalties he may as well have just sat on the bike and drank a beer. Luckily, Koli was right there with him and he ultimately won the 10 grand. I think I fell asleep because tah dah, it was the weigh in. I'm sure they had a few mentions of ziploc bags, subway and wrigley's gum in there. I was afraid Michael was going to go. But nope, Terry, his fellow below the yellow liner, was voted out. Whew!

Talking about fatties, I'm going to talk about Celebrity Fit Club. What a dumb season. These people aren't that fat but half are really lazy and not really trying. Poor Jay McCarroll from Project Runway; he's the only one who's really wanting to lose weight. Oh and that girl from... Oh who knows? Really that white chick and black chick on the red team are celebrities? Okay if you say so. I guess they couldn't find people who were both fat and celebrities. The challenges are a joke because there's usually only half the team really trying so really that old adage, "You're only as weak as your slowest player.", is totally true. Then I love the scenes of the people just eating and drinking what they want. Poor Sgt Harvey is pulling these people like a team of stubborn mules. It's hilarious just to see his frustration. There's no host this season and I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. There's an interesting dynamic with Kevin Federline and his ex Shar on the show together but on competing teams. As she gets thinner, she looks more and more like Keshia Knight Pulliam. Dr. Ian seems to lead the panel and the psych lady is so boring, I hardly notice her. Whatever. Who's on for next season?

On Shear Genius, the stylists had to first do the mixed bag challenge. They picked an item, a theme...yada yada and then use them on a girl's head. Jon finally woke up and won the challenge. Then the stylists had to do hair for photoshoots with the theme from a past star. Matthew somehow won with his ode to Dolly Parton. Umm...I guess Loretta Lynn hair resembles Dolly Parton. So Jon and Brig landed in the bottom 2. Janine and her BFF, Matthew, almost had orgasms when Jon was told he was safe. I absolutely loved the crestfallen and shocked look they had when it was announced Brig was safe too. Whew! I love Brig. If it weren't for her and Jonathan Antin, this show would be total snoozeville.

Survivor was cool with a double elimination. First the Heroes had to lose their challenge, which they did; natch. I'm thinking, they can't do anything well. There was only 1 challenge in order to make more time for all the conniving. Whatever. The challenge was that old, untangle the rope by using your body cuz your tied to the rope. I was totally surprised Colby wasn't better at this. I wasn't surprised Boston Rob won the whole thing cuz first they pitted the players of each team against each other and then the victors from each team against each other for the final. Boston Rob was the Hero of the day because he won hotdogs with the fixins for his tribe. There was a lot of, "Ah ah uh I don't know who to vote for." Boston Rob surmised correctly that the troll king had the unhidden immunity idol and told his little band to split their votes evenly so that in case the idol was played, one of the outsiders would be voted out. Okay. Well, not so easy when you have a dumb blonde like Tyson on your tribe. Russell tells Tyson he wants Parvati out so he's going to use the idol and Parvati will definitely be out if Tyson votes Parvati instead of making a 3 way tie. Will Tyson fall for that? Hmmm... Meanwhile, on the other side of the island, names are being thrown around: Candace, James, Colby, Amanda. Colby is so resigned to the fact that he's going home, he just takes it easy. I admire him for not scrambling and not kissing any ass. At tribal council, the villains are up first. It's the usual stupid questions from Jeff. Before the votes are read, Russell stands up and looks like he's going to play the idol but Oh... there's my crafty little devil hero. He hands it to Parvati and she acts surprised and calls him a gentleman. Oh puke. Then we find Tyson is truly as stupid as he looks and has voted for Parvati and contributed to his own demise. No hotdogs for you dumbass. Then the Heroes are up while the villains watch and stuff themselves with hotdogs at the same time. What? No beer? The villains only get to hear the stupid questions from Jeff. Even they weren't spared that torture. Then the hero tribe finally showed they had a few brains or maybe they woke up. Colby was totally surprised when James was voted out. Finally, they unload the gimpy guy. Maybe the producers will have a totally physical challenge next week. Hope it doesn't involve shooting any baskets. Whew! Colby is saved.

On RuPaul's Drag Race, the ladies had to shoot a book cover photo for a book about their life. Then they had to schill it and an Absolute drink at the same time. Interesting. I found the most difficult thing they had to do was try to hold that glass with those really long fake nails and not smear their lipstick when they took a sip. Once again, Pandora Box had the ugliest dress. He must've come to the show with his own load of ugly material for dresses. Probably stuff he found in the Mood store's dumpster. I forget who was in the bottom 2 with Jessica Wild but she went home. I'll miss her funny accent that made the word meals sound like males. I do have to admit, that guy never did make a good looking woman. His/her beak alone would put someone's eye out.

Project Runway is getting down to the nitty gritty. This time, the designers had to make their own fabric design. HP was touted the whole show and on into the Models of the Runway show too. Some of the patterns were pretty good. Mila thought innovation was painting bold lines of parallel color on white. She then proceeded to make a dress that looked like a teepee. Jonathan made fabric that looked like someone coughed cocoa all over it. Kors likened it to a dirty tablecloth; ouch. He proceeded to make a cute dress and then ruined it by making a backwards gold lame jacket to go over it; ew. It reminded me of when I put my friend in a cute dress of mine and she insisted on wearing her ugly vest she hand knitted, over it; sigh. Maya made a really cool red and orange jungly pattern on black and made a knockout dress. Seth Aron once again made a jacket and pants outfit out of his pattern that was so ugly, he had to turn it so it was diamond patterns instead of squares. That's when I realized; he really is straight. Anthony's pattern wasn't too bad except he used only a little of it in his dress. Emilio used his name in repetition as the pattern in the fabric. Lots of people hated this but I thought it was cool. He used ESosa with a heart as the O. When you saw it from afar, it looked like stripes and his dress was cool too. Of course, Lorena really worked it too. Poor Brandise looked like a geisha trying to walk in her too tight shoes. Except, it was the bottom of the skirt that was too tight and she was called out for scrunching up the side so she could walk better. The judges really criticized Anthony's dress which I didn't think was that bad, and he was sent home.

Models of the Runway showed the girls being given harsh criticism from the judges and Heidi. In order to schill HP more, they had the girls take photos of each other and then use the HP computer to choose their shots. Whatever. Valeria had a decision to make. Should she stay with the show or do a campaign with DKNY? Stupidly, she chose to stay. What? I'll have you know, we don't remember any of the models who won in the past seasons. Whoever said models were smart? At elimination, Ceri was left standing alone and unchosen. We'll miss her Irish accent and smart tongue. Another blonde bites the dust.

Talking about Models, America's Next Top Model is quite whacked out this season. The girls seem to all have PMS flying off the handle easily and being overly sensitive. Suck it up. Nobody's nice in the world of modeling. For the challenge, they had to do a go see. The prettiest girl with the most poise won. Yay! Ren seems to be getting homelier by the minute and her sour attitude doesn't help. For the photo shoot, the girls had to be dancers in their photos but yet still look like models. Okay. I think Tyra got this idea from judging Yaya all during that 3rd season. In the end, Ren was sent home. Yay! She said she was only in it to get her mother's attention. Maybe not having the personality of 3 day oatmeal would help.

The Amazing Race finally went to an Island chain. It was funny to hear how some of the teams pronounced Seychelles. They all took the same plane, but since Brent and Caite aren't old fogeys, they knew how to work an airline ticket kiosk and got their airplane seats way in the front. The teams rode helicopters to another island to do their detour. They could either bait a large tortoise across a lawn and a finish line and carry bananas, or fill a cart with coconuts and deliver the ox pulled cart to the fruit stand guy. The tortoise should've been easy except the lesbian team didn't seem to know you should actually pick a tortoise that's awake and facing the door of the cage. Most of the teams picked the coconut task. Team Miss Teen ditzy and her boyfriend failed to get every last coconut into their cart and then didn't know that slapping the ox on both sides wouldn't make it faster. The lesbian team and the cowboys also failed to get every coconut into their carts so there was a lot of turning around. Then the teams swam to a boat which took them to a buouy out in the middle of the ocean. Brent called it a dinghy. No, that's your girlfriend. For the roadblock someone had to retrieve a bottle from a crate under water and then they had to take it to another island that they had to swim to from the boat, put a simple map together which led them to the pitstop. Whew! I'm exhausted just explaining it. For once, Brent and Caite read the directions right. The Dad and daughter team got to the pitstop first but left their backpacks on the other island. They sucked it up and decided to do without them. Good for them. We finally got to see what the top of Jet and Cord's heads looked like. They removed their cowboy hats to swim. Okay, yeah, wear the hats guys. With hats: sexy. Without hats: geeky. The lesbians beat the cowboys to the pitstop due to the boys not following the directions. Y'know, that seems to be the kiss of death in this game. Luckily, it was a non-elimination leg. Yay! The cowboys are safe. Whew!

Finally, on the Celebrity Apprentice, we first started out with that nauseating thing where the celeb hands the check over to kids. How come all these organizations are with kids? Kids are so boring and annoying and sick kids are really icky. Okay so then the teams gathered to meet Trump and the heads of Norton and Lifelock. Their task was to do a advertorial for Lifelock to be in a magazine. Michael Johnson and Summer Sanders were chosen to be team leaders. Way to pit the Olympians against each other. What; another concept challenge? Boooooooring. I love the disruptors. For the men it's Brett Michaels and for the women, Cyndi Lauper. Neither one can shut up and both are airheaded and ask stupid distracting questions. You can almost hear the eyeballs rolling. Johnson did really good at delegating. In fact, he made Curtis Stone do all the thinking. Sanders didn't get her head together until after the check in with the company rep. Blagojevich showed what an old fogey he is and took an hour to peck on the computer. Then they had to do presentations to the executives. Oh boy! The men did alright until their pages showed up on the screen. They had so much written stuff crammed on the pages, it blurred when blown up and looked way overwhelming. The executives wanted to take a step back, but they were sitting in seats. Then the women came in. Holly Robinson Peete seemed like she sabotaged the projector because when it didn't work, she didn't seem anxious or surprised about it. Hmmm... Then Sharon was supposed to make the pitch and started choking and hacking. It was hilarious and the executives cringed and wanted to run out of the room. For the next 20 minutes, we had to listen to the executives hem and haw about which team they liked better until Trump practically gave them an enema to get the answer out of them. So finally, in the board room it was announced the women won. Johnson pointed out his was more of an advertorial. Yeah, but we don't really like advertorials and only a supergeek would read all that blather you put on those 4 pages. So in the end, Darryl Strawberry fell on his sword to save Johnson. Awww... Wasn't that sweet? Whatever. Bye quitter.

So that's all for this week. C U all next week!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Is it live or TV?

There's always a lull in the middle of Reality TV shows where we know the people and we're just waiting for the chaff to blow away. Then we can wake up and root for our favorites.

RuPaul's Drag Race had a challenge where the "ladies" had to sing and dress up as rock stars. Our ears were still bleeding from Tyra Sanchez's singing from last week. When RuPaul told them they were going to sing for real, I think we all had an 'uh oh' moment. Most drag queens are used to lip synching because they're not supposed to be themselves. Jujubee was supposed to be a great singer but that doesn't mean she's a great performer and this show is all about the performance. They had a huge block of time showing the guys working with some lady rockstar who I didn't recognize, but whatever. I don't know who wrote the song, but it was terrible. We had to listen to it being sung 6 different times; eeeeek! Surprisingly, Jujubee was not only dead and boring in her performance, but didn't sing well either. She was in the bottom two but the other guy/girl was sent home.

This week the crying fatties (AKA Biggest Loser contestants) had challenges that actually gave the black team a chance to win. You could see the relief on Sam's face. Not only is he the only guy on his team, but all the women are getting lighter too. So the first challenge was food trivia. They do this every season. Isn't it obvious that these people don't pay attention to calories? They also don't read food labels. The blue team won. For a team of almost all guys, it was hilarious to see them win a spa day. I admired the guy who actually swam in the spa's pool. I think he's keeping his eyes on the prize. The next challenge was a cooking challenge to make a low cal great tasting meal. The blue team was missing Michael, due to a family emergency, and they blamed their loss on his being absent. Sooooo...what does that mean? All you fat guys have someone else cooking for you? It was very surprising that even with a prize of 5 pounds credit during the weigh-in, the black team lost the weigh-in. I think the younger women on the team are banding together because Sherry, the last older woman was voted out. Sam better keep winning the immunity or he's a goner too. I have a feeling the producers are cutting out the catty moments or not filming at the right times.

Shear Genius is losing the genius in the show. I'm sorry to say, it's getting boring. The first challenge was to give high school girls prom hair to go with their dresses. I don't get it. They criticized Brig for going too couture. When is a better time to go couture than when you have girls in gowns trying to outshine each other? Matthew did some ugly helmet head thing; ew. Janine is proving she's the one to beat cuz she keeps winning practically everything. For the elimination challenge, the hair stylists had to do a red carpet do for guests for a party and it had to be reminiscent of the 60's and 70's. I was expecting beehives and there wasn't one in the bunch. Matthew did Mary Tyler Moore hair. Ben did 2 tone hair that Jonathan Antin said looked like a heroine user who forgot about her roots. Brig went conservative which didn't go over well with the judges. Janine did the big airy fro look. She won. It wasn't that impressive but well done, I guess. Ben was sent home. Too bad cuz he was quite the hottie. Matthew and Janine showed their bitter disappointment when they saw Brig wasn't eliminated. Brig's great. She keeps the show from being too uptight.

Project Runway had a team of 2 challenge again. Material at Mood? $300. The look of sheer terror on the faces of everybody thinking they may have to work with Mila? Priceless. Anthony chose Maya, Amy chose the guy with the glasses, Emilio chose Seth Aron while simultaneously revealing a mancrush on him and poor Jay was left with Mila. He took it as well as a prisoner going to the electric chair; meek and defeated. The teams were given the choice of places in New York to go. Where else were they going to go? Duh! There was a lot of pointless footage of the teams looking at architecture, graffiti, and ugly apartment buildings. Only Emilio and Seth Aron seemed to note the fashion of the people in their area. Poor Amy, she can't catch a break. I didn't think her look was that bad. Okay so her model's butt did look bigger all she had to do was loosen the belt cinching the top. Mila can't seem to make anything with color but had to put orange leggings on her model to match Jay's look. She and Jay were very businesslike and just avoided each other and did their thing. Seth Aron made another pants and jacket outfit. I'm waiting for the judges to say, "We've seen this look before." Emilio's dress moved funny and had a zipper up the whole front of the dress that begged for a wardrobe malfunction. Emilio and Seth Aron were deemed co-winners and giggled and danced for joy. Amy was aufed and thank the gods, Jay was saved. Personally, I didn't think Jay's look was that bad. Oh well.

On Models of the Runway, the models seem to be getting more opinionated and bold. Brandise professed her love for Mila. She's the only one who does love Mila. The women were to have a night on the town to party. The 2 underage models were left home. I loved seeing them stuff their faces with junk food. It was great: milkshakes, burgers, onion rings and french fries. I remember when I was young and had a good metabolism too. Those were good times. When the older models were together, I noticed almost all of them had foreign accents. Hmmmm... At elimination, the losing designer's model was not chosen and sent home. Emilio got first choice and took the opportunity to take Lorena who's been designated the best model for the past weeks. I thought that was brilliant. Maya was not amused that he took her model.

America's Next Top Model made 2 episodes out of 3 so I'll recap all together. This season has very quirky girls. One was raised in a sex cult and looks like it with the weird sheared head. One has Groucho Marx eyebrows. There's a reject from last season who looks 30. One is a total Tyra superfan. A couple of girls are kind of homely. One girl is a half African American who looks totally caucasion but she does have the ghetto attitude. There's also a goth girl. The girls got their makeovers right after settling into their New York digs. I'm not a fashionista but it's still weird that the girl with Groucho Marx eyebrows kept those eyebrows and the girl with the sheared head had her eyebrows bleached. Can you say billiard ball? The girls were all cut, colored and styled by Sally Hershberger herself. Wow! Too bad all the girls are too young to know about the shag; Ms. Hershberger's signature haircut. Instead of giving Angelea a haircut to make her look younger, she got longer straight hair that makes her look even older. Now instead of looking 30, she looks like a 35 year old man in drag. Whatever. Each season, Tyra has the girls do a nude photo shoot of some kind. It turned out to be the very first photoshoot for the girls. This time, they didn't hide the private parts and there was a lot of blurred out bits on the photos. The black girl who looks white couldn't get that fiery personality to transfer to her photo and she looked awkward and dead in her photo and was sent home. Then the girls had a runway lesson with Miss Jay. They had to walk across a New York street while taking off their jacket. The New Yorkers expressed their pity and watched with looks that asked, "What is this skinny bitch doing undressing in 40 degree weather?" The challenge was a fashion show with a runway with swinging pendulums. You know we were all waiting for someone to get knocked off with the pendulums and it happened. To really make it good, the girl first slipped on the stairs and fell down them. I couldn't stop laughing. The photoshoot was outdoors. First the girls were in flimsy scarflike dresses, spritzed with blue liquid on their neck and then had to pose while water and wind flew in their faces. I swear, Tyra's trying to give the models pneumonia. The new judge of the season is an authority on fashion and modeling. It's a middle age African American guy who I've seen in crowdshots of fashion shows. Okay then. Most of the photos were pretty funny with the girls looking like those dogs getting bathed at the groomers. Nahdua proved you can't actually copy poses you've seen in magazines and was sent home. Darn! I was hoping to hear more outlandish stories of her weird cult life. Her unique accent was totally So Cal at times too. If you're going to be a character, don't go on a reality show cuz you have to keep up the acting for a long time. Yes, there was footage of fights and complaining but it's still the SOS (same old shit) we've seen from other seasons. I don't understand why Tyra seems to wear a lot of black catsuits since she's lost so much weight and looks great. Nigel Barker is just as sexy as ever. One thing I'm noticing; the girl who cries at judging and says she doesn't want to go home is always saved. Hmmm...there might be a lot of that to come. We'll see.

The Amazing Race stayed in France. First the racers had to find the statue of Joan of Arc. Miss Teen Caitlin thought it was Noah. Her boyfriend, had to tell her, "It's Arc, not ark." Oh boy! These 2 must share a brain and he had it that day. For the roadblock, a racer had to go down into a deep cave, find a champagne and then sabre it open. Unfortunately, the cute cowboy team thought they were supposed to go to champagne and went to the wrong town. Maybe they can't read in the early morning hee hee hee. At least they realized their mistake and remained in the middle of the pack. For the detour, the teams went to a champagne winery. The racers were smart enough to ask French people where the place was. Obviously, the French aren't too bright because all of the racers got a bum steer and initally went to the wrong town. Yeesh. The Dad and daughter team crunched the front fender of their Mercedes and proved you can fix anything with duct tape. At the detour, they could either hunt for a marked bunch of grapes or make a champagne glass pyramid and do the cascade pour. The hunt was the best option due to the fact that it really wasn't grape harvesting season and the only bunches of grapes were obviously tied on the vines. Since the bunches were sparse, it was easy to see them. Miss Teen ditzy couple first started to hunt and then switched to stack the glasses. Oh boy! I loved the look of horror when the pyramid crumbled during the pour. It was great! Like watching someone accidentally knock over their domino line after setting up dominoes all day. It was really too bad that with all the experience with champagne, hardly anybody had any to drink. The cops hit the pitstop mat first with an annoying mime greeting them with Phil. My wish came true and the Big Brother ditz and her boyfriend were sent home. Yay! The cute cowboys are still in it. Does anything else really matter?

The Celebrity Apprentice episodes are 2 hours long and I hope it doesn't continue. Unlike the Biggest Loser, there's just not enough different things to show for 2 hours. First, we started out with Bret Michaels talking with diabetic kids and then handing his big check over. OMG, I thought the sappy stuff was never going to end. It was quite vomit inducing. The celebs had a challenge with Kodak to make a showcasing event. The men lost sight of the fact that the point of a sponsored challenge is to showcase the sponsor's product, not the celebrities. Sinbad was the leader of the project. His type of leadership wasn't really Brett's type so I think Brett drank that energy drink for nothing. It seems Sinbad likes to plan, set up behind the scenes first and then pull everything out concretely the 2nd day. It's like the kid who looks at his blocks for an hour and then Wa-lah; he's got a great building 5 minutes later. It did make the team very nervous to not see anything put together at the end of the first day. Blagojevich was fixated on the goldenrod balloons. I think he only loved them cuz they had 'rod' in their name. Meanwhile, the women were led by Maria Kanellis. I kept wondering why she was wearing a red cowpie on her head and a towchain around her neck all day. I admired her for not letting the other women veer her off her course. She proved she had a good plan and it worked. The women had only 2 celebs do photo ops with customers and then the others did the hawking. The men actually had no hawkers and 5 of the men did photo ops while Blagojevich and Sinbad took pictures. When you have a Kodak sponsor, you might want the customers to actually go home with a photo of some kind. The men just handed out cards with the website and instructions. The women actually short circuited their place using the Kodak printers. The poor customers also had to fight a crowd to paw and hunt through pictures to try to find their's. Both teams had chaotic messes. Since they weren't being judged on how many people they could jam into their event, they could've done a station to station line. Oh well. In the end, the Kodak people liked the women's event better. Well duh! The women actually showed and explained the greatness of Kodak products to the customers. The only bad thing the women did was have a sick Sharon Osbourne cough and hack all over the cupcakes she was handing out to the customers. Nice. In the end, Sinbad was sent home for his unorganized and weak leadership. But, he did get in a lot of good funny lines in. There was a ton of redundancy in this episode and I even think they just showed scenes more than once. I mean, come on! How many putz faced New Yorkers do we have to see getting their photo taken and do we really have to see every kid they can dig up in the charity hawking scenes? Hey NBC, find another show for Sunday night to help fill the hours.

Okay, hopefully things will get better with Survivor returning and Dancing with the Stars starting. I already know who I don't like on the happy hoofer hooker show. See you all next week.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Yay! They're back.

I'm so glad to see the Celebrity Apprentice is back. I missed Trump more than I knew. The cool thing is, he gets less patient and more grumpy the older he gets and it's hilarious. The celebrities are a good mix of athletes, comedians, music artists, actors, a model, a chef and even a former governor. Trump split the teams into men and women. I really hate this kind of split because men always work well together and women rarely work well together. I also think the men's side has better money resources and men can do the physical work better. Anyway, the teams came up with names: Tenacity and Rock Solid. Okay. Then the men picked the first project manager for the women and vice versa. It's interesting that both chosen were music artists. The task was to run a diner for 3 hours. The men's team had the obvious advantage with celebrity chef Curtis Stone. He knew the concept. This diner wasn't about longevity and creating a clientele. It was about raking as much money in for just 3 hours. The men made their price points outrageously high with nothing under $100. This was a great ploy to keep the average cheap diner patron out of the diner and keep the place exclusively for the wealthy. It worked. The cheap people didn't even stay 5 minutes and therefore left the tables open for "high rollers". On the other side of town, the women were more in a working but busy side of town. They made their menu reasonably priced and handed out flyers to the average person on the street. The problem? They got the cheap diners who probably wouldn't fork out more than $50 for the dining experience. Since the place was packed with those people, the wealthy "high rollers" were left standing outside and were probably not in the mood to fight a crowd to give money away. Joan Rivers was sent by Trump to judge the better place. She's Jewish. Of course she picked the cheaper food with better service. She didn't seem to notice the shaved truffles on her burger. In the end, the men made twice as much money as the women. At the point where the winner was announced, there was still 40 minutes of the show left and I wondered what the heck they were going to do to fill all that time. Unfortunately, the women were all trying to be nice and not come off as bitchy for the first show. Trump asked them all who should be fired and nobody could come up with a name. They hemmed and hawed for a good 30 minutes. Maria Kanellis finally named Carol Liefer, I think, just because she knew her name the least. The women finally had a bandwagon to jump on and they did. Poor Liefer was the first to be fired. I loved the excuse that rich friends were out of town. That shouldn't have made a difference at all. Piers Morgan never had his friends in town either but would tell his friend to send someone with a check. There it is. They don't really need to have their friends show up; just their money. I hope the women bring out the claws and I hope the men lose once so they can unload Blagojevich. His hair is really annoying, not to mention what's under it.

I've forgotten to write about Rupaul's Drag Race for a couple of weeks. It's actually been very fun and funny with the drag queens having to do everything from celebrity impersonations to doing a commercial as a team. This week, they did a photo where they were both the groom and the bride. Tyra is really annoying and bitchy which is weird since he's straight. At least I think he is, since he's got a kid. For some odd reason, I just have to laugh out loud when drag queens cry. So I'm not sure who got booted but I have to say Pandora had the ugliest wedding dress I've seen since my cousin's wedding. I think Morgan got the chop.

On the Biggest Loser, the crying fatties had to experience the real world again. Right.... Okay so they had an 8 hour job to do for 5 days but who gets to be chauffeured to and from work, has a free gym before and after work, has free food to eat at work and at home, doesn't have any homelife to deal with and has a job where it only sucks for one week? Only on TV. Not to mention, the fatties are being paid TV show wages. Most people can't even find a job these days. Whatever. I loved that Sam forgot his lunch but what a great time to advertise Subway. I'm thinking one of the PA's (production assistants) hid his lunch. One good thing about the work week, it really gave us a rest from Bob and Jillian. They only showed up in a bit at the beginning to complain and then at the end of the week to work the heck out of the contestants before the weigh-in. It was hilarious that when the gym was supposed to close at 7pm, they turned out the lights on the fatties. So, the blue team was able to pull out the win this week and amidst a lot of tears, an older woman was voted out. That was smart because losing Sam meant losing any hope of winning challenges that took any strength. I'm thinking it wasn't really a surprise because the person voted out took it really well. Something tells me the team had a meeting without the cameras present. Tsk tsk...that's not good for television. Hee hee hee

Shear Genius is getting to be redundant already. This week, they had to do a precision cut for the short cut challenge and then for the elimination challenge, they had to give wanna be starlets 2 different looks for head shots. These starlets have no chance of being stars cuz half were homely and the other half had no personality or really annoying personality. Really? Your idea of a star is the Obama girl? Wow, tacky! Why do hairstylists from Miami think they're so good? Anyway, the woman stylists from Miami was booted and rightly so. She took a 19 year old and made her look 30. That's not good when they're trying to be stars. I was surprised nobody colored anybody's hair but oh well. Brig may be kooky, but she continues to show she knows her stuff. My money is on either Janeane or her buddy boy cuz they keep winning the challenges.

Survivor was very interesting and proved the Heroes really are all brawn and no brains. Russell did find the immunity idol. I never doubted he wouldn't. The luxury challenge wasn't worth anything just chocolate and swimming in a salt water cove. Except for the difference in the menu, there wasn't much protein except milk so I don't think the Heroes really tried that hard and all it resulted in was injuring one of their strongest players; James. The game was the old wrestle for a football that you throw to a teammate on a platform for them to throw into a net on the other side of the court. I still don't understand why the Heroes aren't any good at sinking baskets. With all that leisure time, you'd think they'd practice at things like throwing at targets, tying and untying knots, and throwing things into containers. I think they're overconfident in their athletic abilities. For the immunity challenge, the producers keep coming up with games that utilize Boston Rob's amazing puzzle abilities. This time it was the old blindfolded team with one caller leading them to stumble around and find large puzzle pieces. When they got all the pieces together, then they could put it together without the blindfolds. I think they should've shook it up and made the people keep the blindfolds on when putting the puzzle together while the caller kept bossing people around. Since James is the lame one and dumber than toast, it probably would've only pointed out what a moron he is. I loved the team of Boston Rob and stick figure Courtney trying to pick up the big heavy pieces together. She kept dropping them on his feet. It was hilarious and I'm sure a lot of cursing was edited out. Either that or Rob is just nicer than we thought. Okay, blindfolded or not, the Villains won again. So did the Heroes take the opportunity to boot the gimp in the group with the busted knee? No, they voted out the valiant fireman, Tom. Oh well, he's already won a million bucks before. At this point, they've proved having more brawn on the team isn't helping anyway. James needs to shut up at tribal council because we already think he's stupid. He doesn't have to open his mouth and prove it every week. I think the Villains have all the rest of the challenges in the bag because the only strong people on the Heroes team are Colby, JT and the blond chick.

Project Runway had an interesting challenge. The designers had to make a look inspired by one of the 4 elements of fire, water, air and earth. What is this, the middle ages? I expected to see a lot of green, red and blue but there was hardly any. People tried to be more abstract about it thinking of smoke, laughter, night sky, explosions, tornadoes, etc. Amy's outfit was supposed to look like an explosion but only looked like a mushroom cloud with the model sporting a lot of frizzy blond hair over her boobs. Seth Aron had an interesting look with his model sporting metallic spats and a black studded coat that looked like the skyline of New York at Midnight. The dress that looked like laughter won because it had color and was very striking on the model. Ben was sent home for his shark inspired suit that made his model look like she had a penis. That's never good. Everybody was creeped out, including all of the models. I think Ben saw how successful his pal, Seth Aron, was with his pantsuits and wanted to do one too. Note to all; stick to what you're good at. He should've saved the pants for a team challenge.

Models of the Runway lost their villain and now they're boring. They did show the models eating. The part of the show I look forward to is the elimination. The designers stuck with their same models this time, except Emilio. Yay for Emilio. He keeps Heidi from making the designers choose different models. I wish she would anyway. Poor Alison. Her designer had been booted so she was left out and sent home.

The Amazing Race went to France. I notice they don't show how much money the teams are given and some teams aren't even shown at their starting time. What's up? The New York cops are proving to be smart and savvy. They asked a postman for directions. Good thinking. It's a good thing they didn't make them eat French food except a baguette. I liked that the gay guys said they only had $20. It's probably the money they were given at the beginning of the leg. Hello guys. You're not supposed to spend the money on crapola but I'm sure there's not a perfume or scarf they can pass up. The detour took the teams to a WW2 French/German battle. I can't believe it went on for more than 3 hours. Really? I thought the French usually surrendered before lunch unless someone like the Americans or British came to rescue them. The Asian/oriental team was U-turned but good thing cuz I don't think his busted knee could take much more of the race. Morse Code is harder than it looks. The gay team let the cowboys run by them. Hey ladies! You are in a race. Miss Teen Ditzy and her boyfriend failed to get their clue after the detour. How the heck did they know where to go? I think something important was left on the editing floor. They had to bike back, get the clue and bike back to the pit stop. They didn't lose their placing though. The Big Brother winner and her lugheaded boyfriend team had to go through a speed bump but still made it to the pit stop. The oriental team didn't make it through their u-turn. Bye! All I care is, the hot cowboys are still in the race.

That's all for now. C-U next week. Stay tuned.

Monday, March 8, 2010

As the TV world turns

Ahhh...it's so nice to see Law & Order back at it's 9pm (central time) slot. It's just as great as ever but at least the cops can talk like real cops now.

The Biggest Loser continued after the Olympics and it was a doozy. I was afraid it was going to be a boring season because the fatties were playing nice. They were getting cloyingly sweet. Then came Michael and showed who's really playing the game here. Michael took on the challenge to win the right to make the 2 teams. What a terrible challenge for a 450 pound person trying to lose weight. They played the game where you had to uncover 2 squares at a time and try to match items. Behind all but 2 squares were different foods. A lot of them were high calorie junk stuff and also, for each missed match, the chooser had to eat a chocolate chip cookie. If a match was made, the nonchooser had to eat the matched food. Either way, there was no getting around consuming large amounts of empty calories. By the time they had the 4th round with no matches, I felt sick. Michael finally matched the golden tickets but still ate 2400 calories. I thought, Jeez, that guy's gonna have to live on the treadmill for a couple of days. I was impressed. Did Michael keep the couple teams together? No. Did he make the teams well balanced with even numbers of men and women and heavy and lighter? No. In fact, the only pair he kept together were the mother/daughter team and he put them on the team that wasn't his. Poor Sam, he's the only guy on his team so the challenges are kind of one sided if they require strength. Michael was so sure the other team was going to lose the weigh-in, he left the old weak guy in the middle. It gave him immunity and then he was to join the losing team that lost a member. Michael thought it would split that team up too because he put the weak old guy's daughter on his own team. Well surprise, surprise, surprise. Jillian's black team won the weigh-in. Unfortunately, Miggy and Michael had alienated themselves from the other players on the ranch by being grumpy and catty. Since Michael won immunity by losing the most weight, I'll give you one guess who was voted out. I guess the other players decided this was a hardball game and finally joined in. It's about time. Now the show's more interesting and you can tell everybody's really hitting the workouts hard. It was nice to have a show where Bob and Jillian weren't trying to be psychologists. They suck at that. They stuck to their real job and the results showed.

Shear Genius producers are trying to keep the challenges complicated. For the shortcut challenge they tell the stylists they have to cut hair into sleek bobs. Oh wait! All the models have naturally curly hair. Oh wait! You have to cut the hair before you straighten it. Are you kidding? I was kind of confused and you guessed it, nobody got it perfect. It's really too bad they give a challenge where they're guaranteed to fail. Then the stylists had to give military wives 1940's pin-up girl looks. It was interesting. The winning guy did that poofy but sleek up do complete with little bow in the back. Brig did the Veronica Lake look and some tried the betty boop thing. One thing was clear, these women weren't good models at all cuz none of them did that booty tooch right or that big eyes with surprise look. Whatever. I'm not sure these women were worth coming home from Afghanistan for but I digress. Jonathan Antin continues to crack me up with his more than honest comments. I love when the stylists complain they didn't get enough time. Hello, this is a competition and it's not like they don't know their time limit. It's called hurry the fuck up and stop standing around blabbing and complaining. Anyway, the blond skinny Aussie girl was booted. Next time eat something. Maybe it'll give you energy to finish your task.

Survivor was really fun. They had 2 challenges and it was great. For the luxury challenge, the survivors dove on a slip n slide to get a numbered ball then they had to shoot the ball into a basket. Since this challenge didn't take any brawn, the villains team won. You can tell Boston Rob has taken the role as leader because they're making wise choices. From the catalog they chose tools and knives. Probably because Russell hid the machete. Each team found a clue to a hidden immunity idol in their camp. I was always wondering why Russell wasn't looking for it already but maybe he was and they didn't show it. Of course, he went for it and made his team mad. Whatever. If the little skunk finds it, it won't matter if they're mad or not. Tom found the idol at the heroes camp and wasn't good at hiding the fact at all. The immunity challenge was the old rolling the human in the ball and then have them guide their blindfolded teammates through a table maze. Boston Rob has proven to be quite the puzzle savvy guy cuz he was the one guiding all of his blindfolded teammates and the villains won immunity again. You can tell Russell really wants to unload some of the dead weight because after the win, he rolled his eyes. It was quite the hilarious moment. Tom and Colby swung the voting their way by a hair but it was just the ticket. The rest of the tribe tried to be conniving by splitting their votes for Tom and Colby thinking that if Tom used his immunity idol, Colby would still be voted out. Little did they know that JT isn't that much of a pushover and Cerie was voted out; much to her surprise. I loved the way Tom said that Cerie didn't have anything to fear. Wiping that smug look off of her face was totally great. If you missed it, you can find the full episode at www.cbs.com and enjoy the moments for yourself.

Project Runway did one of my favorite episodes. I love when the designers have to take unconventional materials and make clothes from them. This time it was a hardware store where they had to get their materials. The real men used sheets of metal to form their dresses or at least the bodices of them. I thought Amy's sandpaper dress should've been in the top three. Maya's look was really cool but the dress was not good for her figureless model. Jay made garbage bags look like leather and the whole outfit was great with good use of turquoise electrical tape stripes on the top. As usual, the judges liked that the whole outfit looked expensive. Emilio made a bikini out of washers and pink cord. I don't understand why he couldn't buy more washers with $150. Are they that expensive? He had plenty of cord. I think he should've worked on the macrame more. I've seen macarame swimsuits that didn't have washers and they hid more than his suit did. Kudos to Holly, his model, for working that pathetic swimsuit and acting like it was great stuff. Jesse was finally aufed. Good. I hated his sour attitude and he took his model, Alexis with him. She wasn't chosen by any designer for the next challenge and you could hear all the models in the win room all celebrating. Byeee!

The Amazing Race finally left South America and headed for Germany. Oh boy! They made the challenges really reflect Germany complete with eating sauerkraut, big beer drinking and a redlight district. The only thing missing was greasy sausages. The cowboys continue to impress. The only time they helped a team was when they needed them to pair up with for a challenge. It might have been their downfall. Anyway, the cowboys proved you can bungee jump and play soccer and keep your hat on your head. After the bungee jump, they split from the NY cops and made the mistake of taking the metro to the next challenge. That metro must really be slow because by the time the cowboys got to the soccer field, 3 other teams had passed them up. For the detour, each team had to share a large boot of beer and it was hilarious to see how they handled it. Some people loved it and were ecstatic to be able to chug beer. Others didn't like it and made a lot of faces and the gay guys got drunk. I loved the grandpa chugging the beer. I only got mad at the ending. The Big Brother ditz team came in last but it turned out to be non-elimination leg. Really? We have to go through another week of these douche bags? Maybe the speed bump, next week will do them in. We can only hope. The guy is so annoying, I was hoping he'd get a soccer ball kicked into his crotch during the detour. Maybe next week.

This season of Celebrity Fat Club is really dumb. Nobody's really trying except Jay. There's a lot of overdramatic acting and cheesy stuff. It's boring and sucks.

The Oscars had their annual show. It was pretty good. Sometimes there's one movie that just sweeps up all the awards. It might be good for them, but boring for the viewers. This show was much better because it seemed each movie won something. The beginning started with a song parody thing from Doogie Howser and then a comedy routine from Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. I think they could've cut out the song. You don't always have to stick to tradition. They had 10 movies nominated for the best movie. Really? Whatsamatter? Couldn't make up your minds? I was glad to see most of the thank you speeches didn't name everyone in the family except one guy who started. Thank god for the the wrap up music. The orchestra conductor must've fallen asleep during Jeff Bridges thank you speech cuz they let him go on and on. Even he was looking to be cut off.

I love the show Til' Death. For once, they don't have the couple all gooey lovey dovey. You can tell they love each other but they still just put up with the other person's quirks. The ongoing subplot of the son-in-law thinking he's on a sitcom is hilarious because now they changed actresses who play his wife. He freaked out, then got used to it; just like the audience. Mayim Bialik did a guest spot that was really funny only because she underplayed it.

I do watch a ton more tv, but this blog does have to end. So tata for now.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

What's been happenin'?

Okay, well, I watched all the Olympics and couldn't really watch the shows on TV; but thanks to the internet, could keep up on what was going on by seeing episodes on my computer.

First, I want to say, the NBC Olympic broadcast was so boring, redundant and poor, I was sick to death of NBC before the end of the Olympics. They really do suck. The Olympics was exciting and fun but the televising was poorly directed and edited. We want to watch athletes not putzfaced NBC staff. Yeesh.

The Amazing Race started in LA. OMG, they have Caitlin the dumb Miss Teen USA contestant on a team and the other teams do remember her. Love all the snide mimicking of her. I've officially nicknamed her and her boyfriend, team dumb and dumber. I'm not sure which is which. There are a couple of brother cowboys from Oklahoma and not only are they hot, but sooo darn cute. They're so, "Aw shucks." low key that the other teams don't think they're a threat. They've proved to be smart, quick, crafty and rather athletic. So far, they've hit the finish mat first twice without asking other people for help. Way to go guys! Of course there are the requisite old person with grandkid team, lesbian team, gay team, married team and reality show team. I love the fact that the gay guys are totally living up to their stereotype. They can't drive a stickshift, are poor navigators and aren't athletically inclined. The Asian/oriental team is not living up to their stereotype. They can drive but they're not too smart. Hopefully the racers will leave South America soon. The dumb teams keep thinking they're in the USA and ask for tickets to San Jose and San Juan. Ha ha ha. BTW, I don't think Phil ages at all.

Survivor needs a new director. They keep leaving in the boring stuff and leaving out the stuff we want to see. The Heroes lost the 2nd immunity challenge and booted Stefanie. James let out a tirade against her both at camp and at tribal council. I think he's just grouchy from hunger. Jeff Probst doesn't help when he asks someone to name names. Last week the Villains won. There was no puzzle and Boston Rob couldn't save the day. Once again, they rolled the luxury and immunity challenge into one and there was no contest. The Heroes have more food, sleep and water. When it comes to a contest of who can push who over, I think the Heroes have it in the bag. Russell did his usual thing and hid the machete. I'm thinking, weakening the team isn't a good idea but maybe it's good to get rid of some of the chaff. There was footage of some hemming and hawing but in the end, it was a landslide for the grouchy weak old guy: Randy. Did we get to see the Heroes enjoy their luxury? Heck no. Maybe next week.

Project Runway only had one show during the Olympics. This time they had to make something for a little girl. The next day Tim told them they also had only one day and $100 to make an outfit or dress for their adult model. I have to say, I was impressed. Most of the things were pretty cute. I didn't care for the drab lilac dress one guy made for a little girl. She looked like a poor orphan who had to wear her older sister's hand me down. Even the losing outfits weren't that bad. Janeane was booted for her cheap look. I'm getting a real trend here. The judges like things that look expensive. Really? In these economically bad times? Seth Aron won with his really cute Black, white and hot pink hoodie. The little girl liked the purse that went with it best. How funny. The adult model was equally stunning in a black and white geometrically striped look. Most of the time I can't pick the winner but this time I did.

Shear Genius was very interesting. 2 weeks ago they had to do hairstyles for a romance novel cover. One stylist just up and quit cuz he was missing home awwwww...whatever. So when the people had to work in teams of 2, someone had to work alone. Brig did a great job on her own. Do we care who got cut? Not really but it was the African American woman. Last week, the stylists had to do a different style for bridesmaids of a Bollywood wedding who had wedding styles already and they had only 1 hour. Brig and the English guy got the heads of lettuce. Poor Brig would do a curl and the girl wouldn't like it. Then she did a bouffant and the girl didn't like it. By the time Brig just decided to flat iron the whole head, she ran out of time. I really felt sorry for her after combing out the girl's hair about 4 times. The English guy's girl didn't know what she wanted and didn't really want anything done to her hair. Nice directions. What a dumbass. The English guy got cut but we were all glad to see the big blowhard go home. He bragged and namedropped so much, it was nauseating and he never did prove he was any good at hairstyling. Whatever. At least Alves has woken up and started browbeating the hairstylists. I love Jonathan Antin. His comments are totally hilarious, but true. I quote, "That horse has better hair than those models." LOL!

Carnie Wilson is hosting the Newlywed Game and she's great. She doesn't have that horney leering sound to her voice like the old host had but she's just matter of fact and fun. She does give a giggle and a wink here and there to let us know exactly what's going on in her mind. Girl! We're there with you. It's so cute and funny. I could do without the full profile of the couples before the show starts but thank god for TiVo cuz I can just FF through all that.

I watched 10 minutes of the Bachelor: On the Wings of Love and just about threw up. The show is as nauseating and ludicrous as ever. For some reason, Jake isn't good looking out of the uniform. Hmmm... He should wear that thing at all times.

I want to say; Hallelujah Law & Order shows are back at their proper time at 9pm my time. They shouldn't be on during family time. Kids can't really understand it and now the shows can be gritty like they used to be.