Uh Oh...Revolting Players.

Hello fellow TV watchers.  It was an interesting week.

The Amazing Race had another episode in Tanzania.  It's nice on the racers and viewers when they stay in a country for a few days.  All that flying everyday does a real number on the racers.  The viewers like it too cuz we get to see the country longer.  The detour had a double u-turn to go w/ it.  The racers could either get and haul water to a person or fix a flat tire on a bicycle.  The Border Patrol guys first tried to make a deal w/ the airforce guy and wife.  The first team to get to the u-turn would u-turn the Big Brother team.  Ok.  The Border Patrol guys thought the water hauling would go quickly until they saw that everybody and their dog in the village had queued up to get water and they were in no hurry.  Yeah, water's a hot commodity in Africa.  As usual, the Airforce guy and wife got through their flat fixing really quickly but didn't use the u-turn.  That was good strategy cuz if you can only use a u-turn once in the race, it's best to save it and also, you don't piss anyone off.  Well, ok.  The Border Patrol guys were really pissed and vowed not to speak to the Airforce guy and wife.  Really?  How old are you anyway?  A funny part of the race was the racers looking for Hillary Clington and thinking it was a person.  For a hot minute, I was afraid we'd have to see the former first lady on the show but nope, it turned out to be a kind of kiosk that had their clue.  Anyway, Big Brother team was u-turned by the Border Patrol guys and the Big Brother team u-turned the divorced couple which was smart cuz they kept someone behind them.  I can't remember what the roadblock was, but it was right up Mark and Bopper's alley cuz they hit the finish mat first.  Unfortunately, for the teachers/fed agent ladies, they couldn't overcome their very late start and speed bump and came in last.  They were gracious in their elimination.  I guess an all girl team isn't going to win it this year.

The Celebrity Apprentice had the celebs doing a muppet improv show.  Oh boy!  Paul Teutal was given the job of project manager for Unanimous by the team.  He was totally not into it.  Lisa took the PM role for Forte and was totally into it.  The teams had to create 2 puppets and then put on the show.  It was all improv from audience suggestions.  Poor Dayana.  She can't find a niche.  Lisa had her make one of the puppets.  I don't know why, but the producers showed a lot of footage of Dayana making her puppet which made her look kind of slow and stupid cuz we were all saying, everybody else whipped out their puppets in 10 minutes and she's taking an hour.  Maybe they just wanted to show her pouty face a lot.  When Eric Trump visited, Dayana hid behind her hair.  On Unanimous, Paul complained of a hurt back and let his team run amok.  I have never seen a more apathetic PM in all the seasons of Apprentice.  Anyway, Aubrey took the emcee role for the puppet show and did a good job of keeping things rolling.  Arsenio showed he was very good at improv and humor and Teresa showed she's slow and dim.  Forte had a backstage blowout before the show.  Dayana asked for something else to do and Lisa pretty much told her she wasn't good for anything cuz nobody had to look pretty.  Oh boy!  You'd think Penn would be a great emcee but I kept wondering why he was sitting down in the audience so much.  Nobody likes long drawn out improv sketches so there should be no sitting down on that job.  So Clay showed his expertise in puppetry which he gained from church.  Lisa tried to keep the show tasteful but failed a little bit causing a little awkward chuckling.  Ok, so in the end, Forte won.  Everybody noticed Paul not in the game anymore and he was given the firing finger.  Yeah, he was done w/ the game when he won almost half a million dollars for his charity in the very first episode.

OMG!  The Biggest Loser was terrible.  It seems the players heard they had come to the point of the show where a past eliminated player can win a spot in the top 3.  They were pissed.  I don't understand why cuz they've done this for the last 3 seasons.  Still, I think they were sick of returning players.  Also, I think Conda and Jeremy really stirred the pot.  The lawyers, host, and trainers all talked to the players giving arguments and showing them signed contracts.  In the end, Buddy and Mark quit the show.  What a break for the other 3 players cuz it significantly cut down the competition and the 2 best players left.  I do have to point out, those 2 guys complained the most about missing their families.  What a bunch of wussbags they chose for this season.  It's not like they're in prison and will never see their families again.  Yeesh.  Because of all the drama, they didn't show the challenge.  It was freakin' stupid.  They brought back the last 3 season's worth of winners.  Then the whole group had to do a mudder obstacle course in less than 20 minutes w/ the prize being 5K for the whole group.  Yeah, nobody tried that hard.  Conda and Jeremy showed they were still fat and uncoordinated.  Needless to say, nobody won anything but a good mudbath.  Ick.  So they showed footage of the trainers taking their frustration out on the last 3 players.  They brought in a new SUV prize and pretty much did a huge commercial for it.  Hello, obvious and sickening at the same time.  At the weigh-in, they had a redline w/ an automatic ousting.  Hee hee!  Conda and Jeremy's plans didn't work this time.  Kim had a heckuva weight loss.  I think they thought she wouldn't lose much since she's in the thin range.  Jeremy fell below the red line and Conda cried her eyes out and declared it unfair.  Really?  You've been manipulating people, votes, weight loss the whole game and you find this unfair.  Whatever!  When are they bringing back another player already?  I'm sick to death of these guys.

Rupaul's Drag Race is down to 3 but god forbid they get on w/ the show.  It was a clip show and behind the scenes footage show.  Actually it was pretty funny and good.  I don't know why, but I find drag queens really fascinating.  I also found out what tucking really entails.  I had no idea a guy could shove his penis inside himself.  Wow!  This show is educational too.  Ooh, I can't wait for the finale.

I have to say Raising Hope had the funniest season finale I've seen for a long time.  Jimmy found,via TV, that his serial killer baby Mama was not dead after all.  He proceeded to faint dead away for a total of 3 times.  It was hilarious and the show was just LOL funny the whole rest of the time.  During the court trial for Hope's custody, Virginia says, "You had to be living under a rock not to know she's a serial killer."  Cue the jury of miners who had been trapped underground for the last 2 years.  OMG, Greg Garcia is a genius.  If he and Chuck Lorre ever get together, it'll be mindblowing.

Survivor: One World featured a paranoid and loopy Troyzan surrounded by men w/ no brains, 2 brilliant women and a few dumb hanger ons.  Sorry Sabrina, but Kim and Chelsea are playing you like a harmonica.  So this time, they have the food and stuff auction.  Leif is the only guy determined to eat and he gets a nasty looking protein shake.  Kat is stupid and determined to eat and seems to claim most of the food.  She couldn't believe she got bacon in her BLT.  What an idiot.  Plastic surgeon in real-life Tarzan says he's saving his money for car brakes.  Right.  Suddenly letters from home are brought out and the price is set at $500, by Alicia, which is how much money each player received for the auction.  Kim bought a shower and peanutbutter and chocolate.  I think I'd go for that too.  Tarzan gave up his brake money for the letter.  Then Jeff brought out an immunity challenge advantage.  Everybody's telling Christina to bid against Troy because in this season, they can't pool their money.  She gives it up and Troy bought the only item worth bidding on in this game.  Man are these people stupid.  In case you were feeling sorry for those who didn't get any food, the last item was a cake that was to be shared w/ the whole tribe.  Whatever!  On to the immunity challenge, the survivors had to first untie a bunch of knots, then 4 of them moved on to bounce coconuts into targets.  Now they're using games from earlier this season.  Wow!  The originality has gone totally out the window.  Troy takes the victory and proceeds to dance.  If those girls were any kind of good actresses, they'd have cheered and clapped for him.  They're not good actresses at all and only succeeded in reinforcing Troy's idea that he's a target for ousting.  Troy also goes  immunity idol hunting and makes it look like he's found it.  Good bluffing, dude!  At tribal, the survivors once again say who they're voting for.  OMG!  They're so stupid!  I don't know why Leif looked so surprised when his name came up and he was voted out.  I don't know what game Tarzan's playing but he keeps pointing out to the guys that they're getting picked off one by one but then votes for a guy.  He does know the votes are to eliminate someone doesn't he?

America's Next Top Model had the girls ganging up on Kyle again.  There's something we're not seeing.  First the girls did PSA's against bullying.  That seems to be the buzzword this year.  I guess it's better than breast cancer.  Yeesh.  How about parents teach their kids to respect other people just for being people and to act respectable?  How about adults just act respectable and respect other people?  No, we have to have PSA's to prove to the other countries of the world how trashy we are.  Ugh.  Anyway, the Brits won the challenge.  For the photoshoot, the girls had to booty tooch during a weird dinner gone wrong scenario w/ a celebrity who I've never heard of in the picture too.  My favorite shot was the one girl shoving a handful of pie in another girl's face.  Hilarious!  I have a feeling the girls were told to try to keep the garments they were wearing, clean cuz they didn't seem as free as they could've been.  It looked very difficult.  The table was full of food and stuff and people were sitting or standing close by in fancy clothes.  You could read on the model's faces, "I hope I don't slip or poke someone w/ my heels."  In the end, a Brit girl won and an American was sent home; or was it the other way around?  I can't remember.

I'm looking forward to the TV Land Awards this coming Sunday and The Closer returning for it's last few episodes.  They say they have a spin-off in the works.  I hope so.  Until next time people; stay tuned.

You Go Girls!

Hello to all my fellow TV junkies. Even though the reality competition shows are a little sparse, they're pretty good.

The Amazing Race went to Tanzania. No, it's not South America, it's Africa. Vanessa iterated America's animosity toward Rachel and gave her quite a few verbal shots below the belt, while at the airport. Since I hate that Big Brother show, I didn't know Rachel. All I have to say is, when Vanessa says she's better looking and skinnier than Rachel, she's not lying. I loved Bopper cramming free candy into his pocket at the travel agency. The border patrol guys blew the fed agent ladies cover to the other racers. You know how you can tell they're not teachers? They're not poor and insane. Anyway, the teams all landed in Africa together but then had to take turns taking charter flights to the middle of nowhere. There, they had to ride bikes to the detour. They could either throw native clubs at a target or jump for 1 minute. Those crafty producers failed to tell the teams exactly what they had to do before they chose which one they wanted to do because it's much easier and faster to just jump for 1 minute. Only people like Stephen Hawking would fail at that. So of course the people who chose the jumping got through faster. For some reason, Vanessa couldn't get the hang of riding the bike but it was a boys bike. The airforce guy and wife have great navigational skills because they always get to the next destination first. For the roadblock, the teams had to set up a tent and camp shower. I think they were literally setting up their own sleeping quarters for the pitstop. Oh joy! I'd be making Ex-lax brownies for the producers for that one. The Airforce guy and wife hit the mat first and won yet another trip. The teachers/fed agents came in last but it turned out to be a non-elimination. They live to race another day. You go girls!

On The Celebrity Apprentice, the teams had to make a commercial for some coupon phone app. Teresa Giudice took the project manager position for her team and Dayana took the PM for her's. As usual, the first thing done is giving the money to charity from the last task. At least it wasn't a kid again. This time Arsenio gave the money announcement via videochat to Magic Johnson. I can't believe that guy is still alive. I guess you don't die of AIDS anymore. Why are we giving money to that then? The most surprising thing to see was Aubrey actually shutting up. It was so nice not to hear her voice for most of the show. For once, the other team members were able to give their suggestions. So Unanimous' commercial consisted of a Dad overhearing his daughter and boyfriend talking about the app which sounds like hanky panky. You can tell it's Aubrey's idea because it's all about double entendre. They used Paul as the Dad and he did a really good job. I especially loved him growling and grinding his teeth w/ his ear to the door. I LOL'ed at that one. After all the shooting, Clay and Arsenio did the editing and over-voicing. On the other team, once again, Penn only had a couple of hours w/ the team before he had to go do his real job. The thing about Penn is, he's so intelligent, he not only has ideas ready to go but can also give the plan to carry them out. So he throws out the idea to have a couple go all the way from meeting to planning a family using the coupon App. Lou's not happy that they didn't let him star in the commercial. Really? We want to see an old guy meet and do family planning? Ew. Also, it had a lot of dialogue and his speaking voice isn't that great. The commercial would've been great if the guy they chose wouldn't have seemed like such a dweeb. His last line in the commercial is ,"A baby carriage?" while searching coupons and nuzzling the girl's neck. It was more creepy than cute. You could see everybody squirm when they saw it; even Trump. On Unanimous, the only time Aubrey looked like trouble was when Ivanka visited to see how the team was doing. She asked about the theme of the commercial and Aubrey proceeded to do the sell job leaving Teresa w/ her mouth in pre-sentence position. It pissed off Ivanka and Ivanka gave it to Aubrey between the eyes in the boardroom. You can tell Clay and Arsenio have production experience because their commercial was really done well. You can tell Lisa has no production experience because her commercial looked amateur and choppy. Needless to say, Teresa's team won. Meanwhile on Forte, everybody expressed happy satisfaction w/ their commercial except Lou. Uh oh. One thing we've learned is, Trump hates disloyalty. In front of Trump, I don't care if the Kool-aid is made of piss, you declare it the best stuff on earth and proceed to drink it. Then Lou and Lisa had 10 rounds in the ring. Oh boy! It was great! Lou's been subversive and highlighting his handicap the whole season and has been getting away w/ it. We found brains beat brawn and I'm declaring Lisa the champ. You go girl! By the time Trump dropped the guillotine on Lou, everybody was cheering for it like a mob of French peasants. Bye Lou! See if someone can clone your brain for you so you'll have 2 cells.

The Food Network is banking on the popularity of their Chopped show by having their own celebrity chefs compete. I wasn't too impressed since it was the Iron Chefs. Don't they have an unexpected ingredient and time limit on every show? Whatever. The network needs new producers w/ new ideas. These producers are old and so are their ideas and shows. Also, we're starting to point and laugh at their owned celebrity chefs.

RuPaul's Drag Race is down to the Fab 4. First the girls had to dress up puppets and do a little dialogue w/ them. It was hilarious and cute. This time Chad McMicheals won. Yes, I finally learned her name. Then they brought in really cute dogs. The challenge was to make 3 looks inspired by the dogs and they also had to make a look for the dog. I loved that the smallest girl got the biggest dog and the biggest girl got the smallest dog. How funny is that? When it came to the judging, Rose McGowan and Wynonna Judd, in her fat suit, were on hand. Eek! It's Michele Visage looking all witchy complete w/ a big hook nose. All the outfits were cute but I'm a terrible fashion judge. Sharon Needles won and Latrice and Chad landed in the bottom to lip synch for their lives. Chad proceeded to dance spritely around Latrice, and won. Hey, give a big girl a break. She can't move so much. Bye Latrice. We'll miss you.

The Biggest Loser fatties were still in Washington D.C. We had to endure a 3rd of the show looking at the first lady's big scary teeth and cheshire cat smile. I wasn't impressed. It's a campaign year. Those politicians will have their family poop on camera if it'll help their popularity and we all know what media hogs that Obampa family is. Chris called her hubby who whined that he missed her and wished she were home. Whatsa matter weenie guy? Tired of cooking your own meals? People don't believe you when you say you have a wife cuz you're weird and kind of an ugh? So she proceeds to feel terrible and eat her bad feelings away. Oh boy did she eat! She ate the bad stuff: Mayo and peanutbutter on a cheeseburger. She didn't really eat as much as I've seen some porkers eat but she ate a lot for someone who's shrunk her stomache for 14 weeks. During her workout, she's looking sullen which makes Bob ask the obvious question which then leads to her whining and crying. Oh shut up! This show is not the rest of your life and you have a chance to win a buttload of money. This season should be called wussbag Jr. High fatties. They had a challenge that didn't really matter cuz the prize was a gym for the winner's town. Whatever! I'm smelling tax write-offs and cheap producers. I would've skipped it. As it was, I don't think anybody really tried that hard. At the weigh-in, Kim and Chris landed at the bottom w/ nobody surprised about Chris, and Kim not looking worried at all. You had to be a total idiot not to know Chris would be voted out. I didn't even really watch the voting because we all knew it would be insincere crying and words. Whatever. Bye Chris, I'm sending you a crate of Mayo and peanutbutter for your pathetic life.

I have to say, Mike and Molly and Raising Hope had the funniest episodes this week. I watched each of them 3 times just to get all the jokes and it was great! Another show I like a lot is Rules of Engagement. CBS loves to move it around and put it on hiatus for long periods and just generally drive us crazy. When it does show, it's worth hunting it down. Patrick Warburton and David Spade are comedy gold. They could kill off Oliver Hudson's show wife and we'd never notice. Hudson has finally learned to use facial expressions and deliver his lines w/out sounding cartoonish. The Indian guy is funny too and fills that minority niche in this all white ensemble.

Survivor: One World, AKA Buffoon Island, began w/ the survivors all expressing regret about Micheal going except Troy. Oh yeah, we believe that. Whatever. The men discuss and ask, "Do you think the women are going to vote us out?" OMG, these people are dumber than... I can't think of anything dumber than these guys. Troy is starting to wake up from his sleeping beauty daze and seeing the strong men are being ousted. Oh boy! Time to tell someone you have the hidden immunity idol. What a total retard move. OMG! Jay's so dumb he actually believes the women who say they're not voting for him. Get a clue Jay. Only one girl actually looked at you when they said that. Jeff Probst must've had a vacation day or fighting dysentery because the survivors had to run their own challenge. It consisted of throwing bolos for points. Tarzan's group won a huge fish and chicken BBQ. Jay tried to find out what Kat was thinking and found she doesn't have a thought in her head. Jay thought he was in charge of something and talked to people about voting out Alicia. Uh huh. Jay's an idiot. For the immunity challenge it was that line tied to the arm tied to a bucket above the head thing. The fun thing is, Jeff brings out various snacks to tempt the survivors. I was hoping there were rocks in the buckets but no, just the usual paint mixed w/ water. The Survivors were so stupid, they ate everything and let the daintiest girl win. Whatever. Don't these people at least want to win a challenge for pride and security? Back at camp, Jay blabs to Kim that Troy has an immunity idol. Shut up, right now! Too late. At tribal we hear a lot of stupid blather and the usual, "The Game is afoot." from Tarzan. Troy wisely used his hidden immunity idol but nobody was surprised. The only one surprised that Jay was voted out was Jay. Even the people who didn't vote for him weren't surprised. Bye Jay, go dig up a brain cell so you'll have one. Man, these people are dumb.

America's Next Top Model is down to 9 girls w/ the Americans up by one. Tyra decided to do a teach on booty tooches. Azmarie decided she was too good for it. Bad move girl. In the modeling world, you're paid to do what other people tell you to do to sell their product. I have to say, even I learned something in this teach. Then last year's winner, Lisa, showed up. This time she wasn't drunk. However, she did show up w/ her usual scary face. How come she looks 40? Anyway, the girls had to do group music videos. I loved it. This time their lyrics were written for them and they really didn't have to sing. Rap is so good for people who can't carry a tune. The Brits emulated the Spice Girls and did a really good job w/ lots of energy and fun. The Americans couldn't decide if they were Wilson Philips or Pussycat Dolls so were kind of awkward and all over the place. How come everybody picks on Kyle? In case they don't notice, she's the most high fashion of the Americans. In the end, the Brits won and that black girl who says she comes from a rough part of England won. I didn't know there were rough parts of England. I'll bet they're nice compared to our rough parts. Ever been to Detroit or Harlem? Yeesh. I'm glad to see Tyra's not showing blatant favoritism this week. Just as I predicted, Azmarie was sent home for acting too cool for school. Time to get off your high horse. BTW, good luck getting modeling jobs cuz at 24, you're a little old to start modeling.

Well, that's it for this week. It's disappointing to see who's showing re-runs already. I miss the days when actors actually wanted to work. They must be paying them too much. See ya next time! Stay tuned!

Summarizing and Ranting

The reality shows are getting sparse due to the upcoming summer months. So I'll do my usual wrap up and then I wanna comment on some crazy stuff I've noticed.

The Amazing Race was thrown over for stupid basketball. Boooo!

The Celebrity Apprentice had 2, 2 shows in one. First the celebs had to make some promotional book for the City of New York and then sell copies for charity. Dee Snyder was project manager for the men and Teresa Giudice was PM for the women. This oughtta be interesting considering Teresa's from New Jersey. As usual, the men worked well together taking their promotional pics from the top of Trump tower. This is genius because not only did they really get the picture of their whole area (respectively) but they didn't have to travel around to do it. It probably took all of an hour to take all of the pictures and no navigating in traffic. The women decided to do specific places and proceeded to take cheesy pictures of themselves in delis, parks, shops, etc. They also did it w/ the usual disrespect of one another as usual. While putting the book together, Lisa Lampinelli managed to get into it w/ all the women she had no respect for w/ plenty of put-downs and cursing and not in a fun way. Then the teams had to sell them. The PM's had started the task by telling their teams they needed to raise a lot of money. Yo! Obvious called and said he's taking a crap in your face. Anyhoo, various celebs showed up w/ money, the celebs also hawked their ware on the street to the dumbest street people I've ever seen. Couldn't find any chic good looking New Yorkers willing to sign the TV appearance waiver? The Blue Man Group showed up for the men and shot money out of busted balloons which caused all the street people to scramble and shove for the money. That was uber-stupid and Clay didn't like it at all. Arsenio was banking on the blank check from Jay Leno which showed up too late to be counted. Y'know, if it's that important, have someone in your office open the door and accept the check before opening hours. OMG, that was the lamest excuse I've ever heard and totally told America how lazy his people are. Regis Philbin showed up to judge the books. I can't believe this guy is still alive. Wasn't his first home in the Garden of Eden? In the Boardroom, we find Regis liked the women's book the best but the men still won the task by $14. I LOL when they announced the money amount for the men last and the whole room stayed blank and silent. I guess nobody is good at math ha ha ha. They got rid of Takei too early har har. I don't know what kind of kool-aid Aubrey's mixing up but the women seem to drink it every week. Aubrey brought in the least amount of money cuz she's less of a celebrity than she thinks, but still wasn't brought into the final 3 boardroom. Dayana, Deb and Teresa faced the Don. Dayana wisely kept her trap shut and let Deb and Teresa go at each other. Everybody noticed. In the end, Debbie Gibson was kicked out microphone and all. Hey Deb, go get your skin ironed and hair recolored because you're going to need it for your comeback. Then they opened the 2nd half of the show w/ Dee giving the charity money to the usual...who the hell are these people? There seems to be a theme of giving the money to kids or unknown people who aren't the founders or heads of the charities. It's really weird w/ a tinge of fraudulence. The teams are mixed up w/ Arsenio, Clay, Paul, Aubrey and Teresa on team Forte. Lou, Lisa, Penn, Dayana and Dee are team Unanimous. The task is to do a promotional live sketch for Walgreens walking thing. Lou and Arsenio decide to take the PM positions. Poor Arsenio. With Aubrey on his team, he can't get a word in edgewise. She pretty much steamrolls everything from the script to the cube to the banner w/ the guys sitting there saying...uh uh uh. Meanwhile, Teresa's the potted plant in the corner as usual. On Lou's team, Lisa shows much admiration for Penn who gives a lot before leaving to do a show elsewhere. Lou always insists on being the vocal spokesperson even though his intellect and diction isn't good. Oh well, who wants to fight w/ the incredible hulk anyway? They cut out a lot of footage of Dee doing his job because one minute he's saying I'll do the banners and cube and there it is. All the guys are enamored by Dayana and Lisa's feeling like the homely smart girl in high school. Suck it up Lisa cuz you're not cute but you aren't dumb either. When the presentations are done, Ali Sweeney doing cross promotion is there to judge. Forte does a gameshow thing that makes no sense but is informative. Unanimous has Lou telling the world how walking is good for his decrepit steroid battered joints. Penn accidentally says Walmart followed by an audible gasp from everyone including a canned audience groan but Dayana does a good cover-up dumb pageant girl joke. In the boardroom we find Ali and the Walgreens guys didn't like Dee's humor on the banner or the blandness of the promotional cube and Forte is declared the winner. But not before Arsenio totally exposes Aubrey the steamroller to Trump. Aubrey fails to show up w/ her team in the suite. I picture her crying in the corner w/ her drag queen make-up melting off. So in the boardroom Lou, Dee and Dayana are in to face the Don. Dee faces the fact that it was his 2 parts of the task that sucked and he got the firing finger. Bye Dee. Hope your hand heals ok. Hey he made more money on his one task than some people who won 2. The questions for next week are; Will we see Aubrey w/her make-up melted off? Will we see Aubrey at all? Will Aubrey finally shut up? Miracles can happen.

On RuPaul's Drag Race, Ru brought back one of the ousted contestants to the dismay of the final four. It turned out to be the short petite Puerto Rican. Sorry, but I'm not good at remembering names; not even these outlandish ones. First the girls had to dress up teddy bears in drag. I have to say, they were all cute w/ clever names. The returned girl won but all the bears were to be auctioned off for charity. I'm tellin' ya, the charities are really cleaning up these days, from the shows. Then 5 brawny straight guys were brought in. The girls challenge was to drag up these guys to be siblings and they had to be pregnant. OMG, these guys were quite a mix. Sharon Needles guy was freaky, horny and weird caressing the fake boobs w/ a horny wicked gleam in his eyes; Ew. Phi Phi's guy was really nice, into doing well w/ the task at hand and accepting of the drag and gay life. The shorty Puerto Rican's guy was really good looking but looked like he really wasn't into the whole thing. They must've promised him a lot of money to be on the show. I think they wanted at least 1 pretty boy in the group. Marsha or whatever that Cher impersonator girl's name is had a boring guy who needed a shave. Latrice ended up w/ a really nice black guy but they wasted a lot of time getting all chummy. They all had to teach a strip tease routine to their guys and it was absolutely hilarious. So in the end, Phi Phi Ohara and her guy really looked good and he gave it his all. They won. It came down to Latrice and the returned shorty to lip synch for their lives. Bye Bye Shorty. Next time leave your wig on. I really loved when the queens returned to the stage for the last dance and started hitting each other w/ their preg pillows. Talk about LOL! I have to ask, how come Michele Visage looks more like a KISS band member each week. Also, she's not getting any cuter either. I don't know who Santino's trying to fool w/ those headscarves under the hats. We know you're balding dude get that ugly hair cut and styled right.

The Biggest Loser is down to the last 6 contestants. We start w/ Conda crying over ousting her friend. Yeah, so what. It's makeover week but first a challenge. The contestants had to climb a cargo net to get to balls that they took one at a time to a giant slingshot and then they had to shoot the ball at pics of their fat former selves painted on 2 paned windows. Hmmm...how come Conda and Jeremy don't look that different? How come it's been 2 months and Conda and Jeremy still have double chins? Ok, well the prize for winning is a 1 pound advantage and the penalty for coming in last is a 1 pound disadvantage. I guess the producers are tired of people coasting cuz they don't think the win prize is worth it. Buddy wins the advantage and Conda comes in last. For the makeovers, the fatties learn they're going to Washington DC to meet a media hog who looks like a drag queen w/ big buck teeth: The First Lady. The makeovers are quite amazing and I think they had extra strength girdles for Conda and Jeremy. Kim, Mark and Chris have the most amazing makeovers w/ Chris looking 20 years younger than she used to. I found out she really is 42 and she used to look 65. They shaved off Mark's uglier than ugly goat beard and he actually looked halfway intelligent. So everybody and their families are waiting for Mrs. Bummer to show up and they say..."To be continued." Good, I didn't want to see her anyway. I was able to keep my dinner from coming up.

America's Next Top Model has gone AWOL this week.

Survivor: One World is continuing it's theme of the island of retards. Everybody is still confused as to which tribe they're loyal to due to the quick switch ups. One thing that's missing this season is footage of what the people do all day so it looks like they lay around, eat and look blank. Really? Where does the food come from? So from the minute they get tree-mail, it's a whole commercial for 7-up. The script for the day must've said, "Fit the words 7-up anywhere you can." Before the luxury challenge the group shared a bottle of...you guessed it. The challenge had the group split into 2 groups and lugging big wood cratelike things from the water to a platform and then completing a puzzle that consisted of those crates. I think we've seen this one before too. For god's sake, get a new college grad on your concepts team and come up w/ something new. So the team of Sabrina, Michael, Kim, Lief and Christina won. I was just glad Alicia didn't win. You know the show is getting boring when you don't root for a person to win but instead root for someone not to win. Sounds like the upcoming presidential elections. Anyway, they really showed the winning team enjoying their BBQ lunch w/ the sponsor's beverage. Then Kim and Sabrina laid on the floor and talked strategy in front of the others. Now I'm not sure if the other 3 were chewing too loud or what but I don't know how they couldn't hear them. The next day at camp, it's raining cats and dogs and the drama is over Tarzan using the bamboo from the wall for the fire. I love the conversation that Tarzan has w/ Chelsea asking if she resents him for being a plastic surgeon because she got a bad boob job. OMG. I'll bet he can tell from 5 miles away who's had one. I'd like to know, how come they can't carve themselves combs? Primitive people have been doing that for centuries w/out knives or machetes. Yeesh. For the immunity challenge, the survivors had to first get a ring from one end of a log to the other strung on a big rope. You can tell this part is constructed particularly for the morons cuz Alicia ends up in the final four. Then the final four get to put together a complicated puzzle. When I saw it, I said it was going to take all day and according to the shadows, it did. I think halfway through, I would've started just packing the wood pieces into my shorts for firewood back at camp. Jay won which tells you the whole thing was about luck because he's dumber than a box of rocks which makes him only slightly more intelligent than Kat. The only thing I cared about was, Alicia didn't win. So there's a lot of right out loud strategy talking w/ everybody still confused about sticking w/ their gender alliance or their mixed tribe alliance. Meanwhile, the audience is bored out of their gourds. At tribal we find nobody thinks they're being voted out. Jeff has to point out to these idiots that someone will be voted out. The only person who looks like they have any brain cells is Jonas on the jury. After a lot of dumb blather, and voting; Michael is voted out. Man, are these men the dumbest guys on earth. BTW, the videos of Ponderosa are really fun to watch and much better than the actual show. Go to CBS.com click on Survivor, then videos and you'll find Ponderosa there.

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes had it's reunion show. Really? We had to see butterface Camilla in the front row? Ick. The only fun person on the show turns out to be CT who eggs on everybody. We see behind the scenes footage that's boring because they did a show called "Shit They Didn't Show" already. They rehashed issues that people already hashed over on the Facebook site. We find Lesbo exes are really boring. The only fun part was finding Paula got dumped for cheating on her boyfriend during the show. Really? He didn't like that? It would've really been fun if Paula had shown up w/ full blown Herpes or something. The Miz is a terrible host. Meatheads usually are and his 15 minutes of fame have been wasted. I don't care how old Mark gets, he still has charisma. They should have him host the challenges and not make him participate anymore.

NBC has a new reality gameshow called Escape Routes. It's the dumbest show I've seen in a long time w/ teams of couples just playing blown up party games and then not going away. I'm already over it.

Okay, so on to the ranting. I'd like to know if Bobby Flay is the only celeb the Food Network has or if his ego is so big he thinks he has to be on every freakin' show they have. He's on Worst Cooks in America, Iron Chef America, 3 shows of his own, The Next Iron Chef, The Next Food Network Star and then pops up on everybody else's shows too. OMG! I'm sick to death of him already and Food Network is starting to look like it's run by schmucks. Also, stop with the Diners Drive-ins and Diarrhea show. It's so unoriginal that it's promoting greasy spoons recommended by possum-eating rednecks that have been ridiculed on other channels. How many times can we see a Bubba showing us how he fries a burger, chicken or an egg? There are some cute shows like Heat Seekers, Chopped, Cupcake wars and Best Thing I Ever Ate. On Heat Seekers, the funniest part is the hosts have no heat tolerance and I laugh when I realize I've eaten at those places and had the dishes and didn't think they were that torturous. Whatever. Wussbags! Sweet Genius is merely a Chopped for pastry chefs w/ a really creepy host. I have an idea. Get a contract w/ the Competitive Eating people and start showing their competitions. They're incredible w/ interesting people.

I'd like to know why TV thinks everybody can be a reality star? Really? We gotta watch white trash families fighting over belongings? We have to see poor Hispanics living on $10 a week? We have to see stupid knocked up teens arguing w/ their families and friends? We have to see has been stars from 30 years ago living w/ their 6th spouse? We have to see black people who are ghetto trying to say they're not gangsta? We have to see disgusting decrepit people who should've died 10 years ago? We have to see faux-rich people whine about not knowing what to do w/ themselves when they need to get a real job? Lastly, I'm sick of the dancing shows w/ old people who we're only watching to see when they break a hip. Bring back the writers and make them use their brains. The beauty of scripted comedies or dramas is we can kind of relate to the situations but we know they're not really real. The people who are in the shows have actual talent and if they don't, the show gets cancelled. Directors show their talent by bringing together good script, actors, blocking and editing and making it fun and believable. Other peoples' lives aren't that interesting in real life.

Alright that's it for now. I will however, save my soapbox for another time. Meanwhile people, let's enjoy some outlandish but cool stuff on H2 about Ancient Aliens or evil people in the past. Or how about evil outlandish people on I.D.? Meanwhile, I'll be watching. Until next time! Stay tuned.