Schaudenfreude to the Max!!!

For those of you who don't know what schaudenfreude is, let me explain. When you don't like somebody and something unfortunate happens to them, the elation you feel at hearing the news is schaudenfreude.

I guess Jersey Shore is back with it's undeserving money-hog cast. I refuse to watch white trash on TV on a weekly basis unless they're trying to be funny (e.g. Roseanne). My friends have told me they're quite sick of the stupidity and realize these people aren't playing at it now.

America's Got Talent had it's last group of 12 perform. What a group! There were obvious losers and obvious winners. From last weeks results, people sat up and said, "OMG, I'd better vote this week." I was so glad Mary Ellen wasn't voted through. She was horrible from the very beginning and too scary to look at. Piers pointed out that if it weren't for Howie, she would've never made it this far. I question Howie's musical taste. In case you're wondering who Mary Ellen is, she's the red haired old lady who looks like Howdy Doody's ugly sister, sings off key and plays the piano like she's having a siezure. Prince Poppycock and I don't remember who else were voted through. Nobody else matters ha ha ha.

Top Chef had Marcus Samuelson as it's guest judge. It's about time they had some real eyecandy on this show. Oh, he's also a great chef and highly qualified to judge all kinds of food. For the quickfire, the chefs had to do Ethiopian inspired food. Even though Angelo made real Ethiopian food, Ed's woman friend won. Hee hee hee Way to go girl! For the elimination challenge, the chefs had to make dishes inspired by different countries. Hopcraft got last choice and it proved to be his demise. Ed's woman friend (sorry folks I forgot her name) won this round too. She's on a roll! Anyway, Hopcraft not only didn't make Brazilian food, but the food he did make wasn't good. That's the kiss of death on this show. I have a trick when I overcook rice (which is a lot). I fry it. General rule: anything tastes good fried. Unfortunately, they were in a place with only chafing dishes at that point and he couldn't rework his rice. Sorry to see you go Stephen.

On Work of Art, the artists had to make a piece based on something they found on a nature walk. Miles found a huge clump of mushrooms, Abdi found black gravelly stuff, Peregryn found flowers, etc. Anyway, to me, art is art and I'm not a good judge of it. Abdi proved what an incredible artist he is because the judges and I finally agreed he did the best piece and I finally found something I'd actually want to buy. Jacquie tried to use another naked photo of herself but because it wasn't made during studio time, the girls nixed it when she asked. I thought Mile's friend made a cool piece but the judges didn't like it. They didn't like Jacquie's either and she was finally booted hee hee hee. Mile's girl friend was booted too...aw. Oh well.

So You Think You Can Dance had it's last episode before the finale. This week, it was a hard choice since all the dancers are very good and likeable. Adichike was sent home and took it well. Now we're left with just white people. I hope they don't have any hip hop or crumping to do in the finale.

Project Runway has a ton of contestants. I think too many. This week, they had to make a look for a Marie Claire billboard in Time's Square. I really miss the model choosing that they used to do and hopefully, they'll bring it back as the designers get whittled down. So the Marie Claire person said the look should look modern, fresh and intelligent. Hmmm... I expected a couple of power suit dresses but nope. The guy in the bowler made a weird shiny fabric silver monstrosity held together with safety pins. Kudos to his model for keeping her mouth shut. The dress I thought should've won was a cute red number with an interesting collar but they picked an ugly jumpsuit that looked like something I rejected in the 80's. I'm thinking the judges must be colorblind because brownish purple isn't fresh looking. Whatever. The guy in the bowler hat and the crying gay guy were booted. Bye!

This week Santino and Austin: On The Road went to see an army captain who was graduating with her Master's degree. I loved the workout session with Austin proving he's fashionable but not athletic. Unfortunately, Santino and Austin let the captain dictate her look and it was terrible. It was lumpy, loud and way overworked but she liked it. For once, the dress wasn't flattering to the female figure at all. Once again, Santino wore a smirk on his face the whole time he was making the dress.

Drag U was really funny this week. Chris (Kardashian) Jenner was the guest judge so all the girls had Kardashian in their stage name. Chanel, Pandora Box and...I forget were the drag queens assigned to the women this week. Chanel never ceases to amaze me. Pandora Box never ceases to make me laugh out loud. This week, these women had issues that needed therapy. One girl was a former model and I thought she was probably a shoe-in. This week, they showed more of the make-up application which I thought was really cool and informative. Chanel proved her expertise and her girl won. All the women looked fabulous!

Food Network Star finally got rid of Aria. Yay! They had an Iron Chef challenge. Arte made the best food the judges had ever had on the show. Herb served his 3rd dish last which wasn't good, since it was his worst. They had shrimp as their secret ingredient. Oh, also, previously booted contestants were brought back to be soux chefs. Meanwhile, the other 2 contestants had to be commentators. Aria, as always, was in her own world and couldn't seem to pay attention to the action going on. Tom proved to be fun and very knowledgeable. Aria and Tom had bacon as their secret ingredient. I thought someone would do a twist on a BLT but nope. Aria thought breakfast was a good idea. Hee hee, Morimoto declared it, "diner food". I fell on the floor laughing at that one. Not only that, but she garnished her food with the bacon. Not a good idea. Tom tried to think out of the box and instead went off the reservation. I loved the shot of Suzie trying to saw through her bacon steak. His food was declared the worst food ever on the show. Meanwhile, Arte wandered around lost and confused while Herb did a great job commentating. Alton Brown seemed like a cranky old man. So like I said, Aria was booted and I popped open a bottle of champagne to celebrate.

NFNS Afterparty had Aria as it's guest (of course). Most of the time, I find I like the booted contestant better during this show. They seem to be relaxed and less neurotic. Aria proved to be just as unlikeable and disengenuous as usual. She may be comfortable in front of the camera, but nobody likes her through the screen. She's one of those people you want to punch in the face, through the TV. No redemption for her. They did show clips from Kelsey's and Adam's season. I wish they'd re-run previous seasons. It was so much fun to see.

Well, that's all I can think of. Most of the shows are still on their summer hiatus. See ya next week!

Reality. Reality! Reality?

I do love my reality tv shows. It's not a universal love. I prefer the elimination kind where someone gets booted each week. At the same time, I hate lots of personal fake chat and the obvious fame hogs. You know most of those people on VH1 are there just because they want their friends and family to see them on the tv. You really think those chicks on the dating reality shows would really notice that guy? It's all about the benjamins.

Top Chef is really good this year with people who can cook and who don't make you want to punch the screen. I'm putting my $ on Kevin, the MIT grad, to win this. A guy who's way smart and can cook? Now that's sexy.

Survivor is a terrible snoozefest this season. Why aren't they doing 2 challenges? Do we really watch this show to watch people complain about the starvation, elements and having to live with annoying other people? Not really. Why aren't the contestants any smarter after what, 10 season? Jeff needs a script if he keeps stating the obvious. "You guys have been living in the rain for 5 days." "That's 1 vote coocoo and 1 vote nutsy." If my eyeballs roll anymore, I'll get ocular strain.

I can't even begin to watch the crying fatties on Biggest Loser. They need to change up the trainers because somehow, they think they're the stars. This year the contestants are really good looking in the faces so when they lose their weight, they'll be total hotties. Good thing too. I was getting sick of all the butterfaces. You know; the body's good but-her face isn't cute.

For some odd reason, the Amazing Race is losing it's amazingness. Maybe it's because they keep going to the same places every season. I'm putting my $ on the Globetrotters to win this year. Hello, they're trottin' the globe. Phil, the old pitstop placement suspenseful announcement is getting really old. What happened to the eating challenges? I loved when people had to eat a ton of food and then run to the pitstop. Now that's a race.

Project Runway is interesting this year. They have a bunch of young, hip, good looking people. Too bad it was filmed almost 2 years ago. Those fashions are now Aut. I feel the rush to get the series in the can too. What's up with giving only 1 day to make a dress? Really? How can you expect well made clothes that wow you. They barely have time to thread needles. I'm still rooting for Christopher on this one but he's fallen short ever since he teamed up with Epperson on one challenge.

Why is everybody dissing Models of the Runway. It's clever and the choosing of the models doesn't take away time from the original show. I really like seeing what the models eat. Not much ha ha ha.

Speaking of models, I do love this season of America's Next Top Model. It's the petite season. I still don't understand why they don't wear high heels at judging. No short person in fashion walks around in flats out of the house. I'm rooting for the Southern girl, Laura, whose grandmother makes her clothes. If you can pull that off, you are a model.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins is really good. The poor blue team is getting decimated and need to stop the bleeding. Finally, someone gave a big slap across the face to Veronica. If only Kenny could fall off of a cliff. Even though he's underhanded and devious, I like Evan the Canuck.

I'm loving the pageant shows. We know those contestants are all snarky starting with the toddlers to the married women.

I hate the makeover shows. I find the designers's taste subjective. Really? Huge polka dots with animal prints are cool? When did you have time to smoke weed?

I hate the fakey dating shows. Wait, I can't pretend to want to kiss you until they point the camera my way. Ick. You know those people don't act like that in real life.

The stand out show this year is Reality Hell. It's totally hilarious because not only does it spoof the reality show but it pulls a great prank on the person just looking for 15 minutes of fame. OMG, I loved The Widow episode. Also, it's nice they give real actors some work on a reality show.

Okay, lastly, the dancing shows. Dancing With the Stars is good but OMG, they started out with too many people. They should've done double eliminations for about 4 weeks. I'm putting my $ on Donny Osmond this year. Did you see that Argentine Tango? I would also like to see a pro win, who isn't too young to drink. So You Think You Can Dance needed to take a longer hiatus. I'm kind of sick of it and I think America may have the same feeling. Yeah, you're young, graceful and bendy. I also can't take Mary Murphy's primal scream again for a loooooong time.

Okay, I know there's a lot more reality tv out there, but I do need to end this blog. I'll blog on more tv genres cuz I just can't get enough tv. See you next blog.