Cute But Stupid

Hello TV Landers. Summer's coming and the shows are wrapping up one by one. It's kind of sad because then we're left w/ lame voyeuristic shows depicting shallow stupid people living their dumb lives. Okay, well, we'll enjoy the competition shows as long as we can.

I'm not sure why, but CBS is rerunning a lot of Lorre's shows. It's making Mondays a little sad. Oh well.

Rupaul's Drag Race has had a really interesting cast this season. Call me crazy but I love getting makeup tips from these guys. On this episode, the girls got a cocktail and then had to decorate a pair of lucite high heels that went w/ the theme of the drink. It was a great commercial for Absolut. Phiphi Ohara won. The elimination challenge had the girls coming up w/ a political but funny platform. Then they did a kind of a parody of those debate shows. I loved the one guy/girl counting down the lights, "Yellow...red, Bam!" Someone put speed in Phiphi Ohara's dinner cuz she had more nervous energy than a freezing chihauha. Everybody else was hilarious and actually made a little sense. For the Runway, Rupaul had the ugliest rainbow dress you ever saw. It looked like she stole someone's beach towel and belted it on. The girls were supposed to look like they were attending their inaugural ball. March Mcmasters or something like that looked elegant and seemed to be a cross between Barbara Stanwyck and Joan Rivers. Sharon Needles went totally off, purposely, and had a see through dress claiming a drag queen wouldn't be elected for a hundred years so she was futuristic. Hmmm...seems plausible. All the other girls decided to look like they were attending the Oscars. So it was the tall black guy/girl w/ the great legs vs. the large black guy/girl w/ the great stage presence to lip synch for their lives. In the end, the tall one w/ the great legs was sent home. Then Rupaul asked the judges to decide which girl would get the chance to come back and included Willam who had been ousted last week for breaking rules. Huh? No!!! Now that's stupid.

On Biggest Loser, the fatties were back from Hawaii and moaning and groaning about leaving vacation. Oh whatever! The first challenge was to shop for 5 minutes for ingredients for a dish. What? It takes me 5 minutes to find the one item I went to the store to find. Anyway, the contestants did pretty well and all made it across the line before time was called. The only thing was, Jeremy planned to make French toast and forgot to get eggs. Hmmm... Then they had 20 minutes to cook their dish. Really? It takes me 20 minutes just to rip packages open after shopping. Contestants from last season were on hand to judge: Becky, Antone and Vinny. I like them as opposed to the dumb cheater chicks who won the season before. When Olivia shows up, it makes me want to smack everyone in the room. The judges pointed out that practically everyone included cheese in their dish. Oh BTW, did I mention the dishes were supposed to be low cal, healthy and tasty? Everybody except Jeremy thought their dish was the best. Everybody was wrong except Kim w/ her stuffed portobello dish. Chris took her criticism of undercooked chicken...not well. Man, Mrs. Santa she's not. This week, the editors made her the irritating character of the show. Everyone is getting their chance this season. So on to scenes of Bob and Dolvett working the heck out of the contestants. I'd like to know, how come everyone is looking pretty good except Conda and Jeremy? I'm thinking their strategy is to lose just enough weight to stay above the yellow line but then they're going to lose a ton when they all go home after the final 3. The next challenge had the fatties loading boxes of Newman's Own onto a truck. I smell a schill here. Personally, I think the prize sucked for all the work they had to do. The prize was a ton of food for the winner's hometown foodbank. BFD. I would've just sat that one out. The whole challenge was one big fat commercial for salad dressing. At the weigh-in the contestants did pretty well. Megan had done a video diary of her working extra hard, eating lightly blah blah blah. She fell below the yellow line w/ Mark. She was voted out. I'll bet those girls are sorry now for scheming to have all girls at the end. They were pretty stupid for telling that plan to Conda since she's on the show w/ her brother. Now that the all girl alliance is gone, I wonder who'll be next.

Survivor: One World contestants are once again living on the same beach. They're one big happy family. Well, not all happy. Tarzan seems to be the misfit who's always misunderstood and just seems to always be underfoot. Jonas is the chief cook and bottlewasher and makes sure to say that to everyone. For the luxury challenge, they split everyone into 2 teams again but not the tribes. It consisted of the survivors one by one digging and fitting under a beam to then dig for a bag of puzzle pieces. Then 2 people had to put it together. Poor Lief, I thought he was going to be stuck under the beam for the whole challenge. Poor Christina is on the same team as Alicia. Oh well, their team wins and they enjoy pizza and beer. During the meal, they also get a note saying a hidden immunity idol is awaiting them at camp. I wonder if the producers had to pry it out of Colton's dead hands. Meanwhile back at camp, Tarzan and Jonas are trying to scheme w/ the men they had been split from. Yeah, guess what. You guys have no chance w/ the jocks ever since Colton shot his mouth off and told them you were all his buddies and the jocks were going to be voted off one by one. Next time, keep your trap shut. So Micheal does a lot of nodding and then rolls his eyes when he turns his back. For some odd reason, Tarzan thinks Alicia will be part of the men's alliance. Uh huh. The next morning, while all the lazy folk are sleeping, Troyzan hunts for the hidden immunity idol and finds it. That little fellow seems to like living in trees. For the immunity challenge, the producers dug out the old balance balls on a tray while balancing on a log thing. Troyzan is having a heckuva winning day cuz he wins this challenge too. One thing I do admire is, Troyzan hasn't told anyone he's found the HII, unlike all the other blabbermouths. So there commences much more scheming that makes no sense because everyone's confused; are they voting w/ the gender alliance or the split tribes? At tribal council, Jonas and Tarzan seem to have caught verbal diarrhea and just say out loud who they're voting for. Now that's stupid! In the end, Jonas was voted out. Man, these people are stupid.

On The Challenge: Battle of the Exes, it finally was the finale. The couples are in iceland and it's totally icy. I can't believe the eating challenge. There's literally a head of what might be a sheep or a deer surrounded by chunks of fat and a large horn full of blood. Icky! I was very surprised no one threw up. So then the couples had to move logs to finish one of those puzzles usually done w/ matchsticks. I'm thinking Ty and Emily don't read much cuz they totally couldn't solve it. The next task was to dig through a bank of snow into a tunnel and digging out the other end. Poor CT, he hit the wall literally. The digging must've taken a lot out of him. Walking to the next task looked like torture for CT and he had to put up w/ Diem verbally dragging him along and hearing Johnny on his heels. He blamed it on slogging through deep snow but it didn't seem that deep and the other couples didn't seem to be having that hard a time w/ it. The next task was to take all the medallions they collected from each task and put them in a wheel. This one I didn't understand. Were they supposed to put them in order of when they received each one or were the symbols some kind of language I didn't understand? Anyhoo, Diem and CT finished first. Then they had to hike up to a flag. Oh boy! Were they done there? No, then they had to hike all the way up to the top of the peak. Poor CT, he was so done that even pokey Camilla butterface passed him and she and Johnny won the grand prize. The nice thing is, all the teams do win money and man did they earn it. Next time CT, eat breakfast before the final part of the challenge. Yeesh!

The Worst Cooks in America are down to 2 people on each team. I love this season. The cooks all seem to try their hardest but really do lack the chef thing called a palate. OMG, some of the flavors they put together are kind of nauseating like vanilla chicken, pineapple tuna, etc. But they all earnestly try. The really hilarious part is the tasting by Anne and Bobby. So this week, the cooks' brother, spouse, kid, wife or whoever they left at home came. The challenge was to make a dish for them and see who got the best review. I thought David would be serving up trichinosis when he put his porkchops in the oven at the 20 minute mark. Oh boy! The black lady made shrimp when she's told everyone she hates making shrimp. Vinny made steak which he claims usually tastes like shoe leather and the white lady made fish. In the end, they all seemed to turn out good and Vinny won. I love that he's always genuinely surprised when he wins. There are no ringers this season. Y'know, I need to start writing things down cuz I can't be sure but I think David was sent home. Well, I guess I'll see tomorrow when it's on again.

The Amazing Race was in one of those Balkan states. The big thing this episode was the fast forward. I didn't know that the racers could only do one so the border patrol guys couldn't do it. So the married airforce couple and the gymrat guys raced to stack hay bales. Okay, if you get to the fast forward and find the other team is already a third way done, for goodness sake, turn around and go quickly to the roadblock. Did the meatheads do that? No. Wow! Stupid! So of course the airforce guy and wife won the fast forward. Meanwhile, the other teams were at a task where one person had to be in a tank in a pool and escape it after it had submerged and turned over. Luckily, of the Kentucky guys, Bopper volunteered to do the task cuz Mark has displayed terrible motion sickness. Nobody wanted to see any puking underwater. As you can imagine, all the other teams were done when the gym guys showed up. Onto the Detour! They could either clean oil off of a hairy guy or hunt for a specially marked apple in a literal carload of apples. The hairy guy cleaning was gross and we heard hilarious comments from the racers. It was totally cringeworthy. For some odd reason, the people thought the mark on the apple was going to be really tiny so they examined each one carefully and the racers who did that task were quite slow. I was really surprised that only one racer ate an apple. My strategy would've been to bite each apple so I'd know which ones I had looked at already but they did put them in boxes so it wasn't necessary. Vanessa was the only one who dug armfuls of apples out at a time. In the end, the airforce couple hit the mat first and won cars and the gym rat guys came in last. It was ironic since they commented at the beginning of the show that they felt lucky. Har har. Maybe it made them too confident. Maybe it showed how stupid they really were.

The Celebrity Apprentice had another concept task. This time the teams had to throw a theme party to promote a Crystal Lite non-alcoholic cocktail. Clay Aiken took the project manager job and the peach bellini flavor. The project manager for the women was Aubrey O'Day (who?) and they took the pomtini flavor. The men seemed to work well together as men do and set up a beach party theme complete w/ guests in swimwear and beachparty activities like limbo, conga dances and a sing-a-long. I really thought Penn would juggle flaming torches but all he juggled was peaches. One thing that really cracked me up was Lou Ferrigno and Paul Teutal opening up those little drink umbrellas. Talk about having the guys w/ the hammiest hands do a delicate task. When one went flying, I was rolling on the floor w/ laughter. Meanwhile, on the women's team, they decided to make the party high falutin' which usually equals stuffy and not fun. The people stood around w/ a non-boozy drink in hand while Lisa Lampinelli made fun of their comments (awkward) and Debbi Gibson sang her jingle (more awkward). When the judges came around, Aubrey kicked her sell job into high gear telling the Crystal Lite people how great the party was and all they'd done blah blah blah. I say, if you have to describe how fun it is, it ain't. Where-as on the men's side, when the Crystal Lite people got there, the men just handed them a drink and led them into the fray of the party. No explanation needed there. As for the women's team dynamic, it's like Jr. High w/ the popular girls dissing the nice girls and letting them help but not really including them. OMG, in the boardroom the women are all complimentary and loving until the hammer comes down. Then the claws come out. I think the men realize Donald asks the same questions, "Who would you fire?" and "Which 2 are you going to bring in the boardroom if you lose?" So they answer honestly and concisely. You can tell nobody takes it personally because they know the PM has to say someone's name. On the women's team, Aubrey tried to say she loved everyone and blah blah blah. I and all of America was elated when it was announced the men won. Yay! For once, the men were unsure about the outcome, so there was genuine surprise and relief. Oh boy! Then the women pounced. Poor Miss Universe she can't catch a break. Aubrey also took in the other Argentinian into the boardroom too. Unfortunately for the other Argentinian, Trump likes his Miss Universe and is impressed by O'Day, so out she goes. Adios! I liked when Dee Snyder pointed out that Aubrey thought up all the ideas for each task but the women lost 4 out of 6. All I care about; Aubrey got knocked down a peg or 2. I think the teams are getting mixed up and I can't wait.

Unfortunately, I missed America's Next Top Model this week. Unlike the other shows, Tyra doesn't post the episode until the next one airs so I'll be doing 2 next week.

Well, that's about it. Saturday nights are all about the Britcoms on PBS. I especially love Are You Being Served? I'll be seeing what Mrs. Slocombes pussy is up to and I am unanimous in that.

See you next time people and stay tuned.

We Believe! We Believe!

Hello fellow TV junkies. Have you been watching those shows? I have, so let's get right to it.

The Amazing Race went to Germany to towns that are really hard to pronouce. I love the theme of this season; don't stop until you hit the mat. The challenges were a mix of weird and surreal. Bopper and Mark had to do the speed bump since they came in last in the non-elimination leg last week. They had to yodel and the teacher had the funniest facial expressions ever. "It's American yodeling." LOL! Meanwhile the other teams got right to the detour. They either styled facial hair or decorated gingerbread houses. The facial hair thing was kind of creepy since I always envision slobber and food getting caught in the nest. Then everyone had to slide gnomes on the ice and hit a target. Easier said than done because the Feds aka teachers left last even though they arrived in the middle. The border patrol guys came in first again. The ending was very surprising since the feds beat the sisters to the mat. Wow! Those girls must've really gotten lost. The funniest part of the show was when Brendon tried to be cute and jump on the mat and totally wiped out.

The Biggest Loser went to Hawaii. Aw...poor Kim is feeling ostracized after her teammate was voted out last week. Maybe she should've treated everybody else better. What goes round, comes round. So we saw a lot of surfing, beach calisthenics, swimming, laying out, drinking drinks and the fatties saying, "I'm on vacation." Yeah, the whole show is a vacation. Are you working? No? Then you're on vacation. The first challenge was a trivia contest and Chris won the 1 pound advantage. The next challenge was the eliminate your fellow players game. I love the dynamic between Conda and her brother Jeremy. He's very caring and loving and she's fiercely protective of him. Even though they're the fattest of the group, the bro and sis team came out top 2 and then Jeremy let Conda win. That was nice since the prize was immunity. The editors made the show villains Kimmy and Meghan this week. They hate Kim and pick on her boo hoo hoo hoo. OMG. I've learned not to believe a minute of it. So in the end, the mother daughter team of Kimmy and Meghan happened to both land below the yellow line. Kimmy fell on her sword for her daughter and that was that. I've noticed not so much crying this season.

Survivor showed the worst bullying and bitchy meanness I've ever seen. Colton, who shouldn't be knocking anybody tells Christina she's being voted out, he hates her face, he hates her voice and she can throw herself in the fire. They don't even allow her any space under the tarp shelter. Now I say Colton shouldn't talk because he may be rich but that doesn't win you any friends if you're a girlyboy, racist, fatass, bigoted douchebag. Then there's Alicia w/ the big scary buckteeth and skanky skankiness who cozies up to Colton like he's a bearskin rug. She also proceeds to insult and bully Christina. Alicia is supposedly a special ed teacher. Nice. I wonder if she calls her students feebs. Then I have to say, the rest of the tribe are a bunch of wussbags. They all just sat around and listened to it happening and never told anybody to shut up and leave her alone. The luxury challenge was a game where they bounced a coconut into targets. The Man-nono tribe totally sucked and the other tribe won the ice cream and soda gluttony prize. For once, we finally get to see the people enjoy their prize. So Colton and Alicia blame the loss on Christina and are meaner than ever. After the commercial break, we find Christina hugging Colton's head and rubbing his temples and Colton looking miserably ill. We're thinking, hmmm...Karma has come to mete out some justice. Wait for it. Yep, Colton gets worse w/ abdominal pain and is literally in a fetal position on the ground. For some odd reason, his BFF Alicia is nowhere in sight during all of this. So Christina calls for the medics and Jeff. OMG, they diagnose possible appendicitis and cart him off w/ all of America cheering and thanking the Karma gods. We believe! BTW, Colton keeps the immunity idol. Ha ha to Alicia. So everyone is called to Tribal Council where it's announced Revoltin' Colton is gone and they're merging the tribes. Already? Oh well. We're still LOL about the ouster of the girlyboy.

America's Next Top Model had the girls making short commercials of the funniest made up items you ever saw. Then they had a focus group give their critiques while the girls watched. Could they have found people more stupid than this group? When that fat white broad said she thought the girl sounded too African. She's British and you're a fat dumbass. I wanted to punch her in the face through the TV. Then there was a little drama when the sensitive white chick was told by the other girls, they didn't think she was that good. OMG, she's crying, threatening to quit, calling her Mama, sucking her thumb...ok, I put that last one in. The photoshoot had the girls in beautiful gowns, crazy Treacy hats and w/ a car. Sounds familiar. I think Tyra's running out of ideas. So Symone and another girl land in the bottom. Symone stays and the other girl remains unknown.

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes went to Iceland. I thought this was going to be the finale. Oh wait, one last dome between Johnny w/ his really homely partner Camilla and Mark and Robin. So they had to grapple over an X shaped stick. In the end, Mark and Robin went home and it's the very first time Mark hasn't been in the final. History has been made and they've proven, age does not make you better. So on to Iceland. I'm convinced the producers are trying to kill these kids. First, they have to race w/ sleds pulled by dogs. Then they make them jump practically naked into the freezing water to touch a ball. OMG! Ack! The episode ends w/ everyone in tents to camp out on the snow. OMG! I loved Johnny saying, "Diem, don't even pretend that you're not enjoying every minute of this." I can't wait for the real finale.

Project Runway had it's finale. There was a lot of sewing, a trip to Marie Claire and the runway shows. Austin's collection was whimsy but eclectic. Maybe a little too eclectic. He couldn't decide if he wanted to show glam rock or naughty school girl. Mondo's clothes were totally his vibe. A cool mix of patterns, colors w/ good fit and fun too. All his previous angst making a great collection kind of reminded me of VanGogh hacking off his ear and then painting brilliantly. Micheal's collection was called Serengeti but it was dull in color. All the pieces seemed to be draped Golden Girls clothes in black, white and brown. Ugh. I think the reason they shoot animals on safari is so they can see some red in all that dullness. In the end, Mondo won and the other 2 won trips to Paris. I wonder if Austin's mother is still homeless?

So, that's about it. Do you believe that slow and steady wins the race? I do. Do you believe that Karma will win in the end? I do. Do you believe blood is thicker than water? I do. Do you believe revenge is a dish best served cold? I do. Man, I learn so much from TV. Hee hee hee. See you next time. Stay tuned.

TV Goes On

Hello everyone in TV junkieland. No, I haven't been in rehab; just being lazy. In the meantime, I have been watching the shows.

CBS tried a sitcom about guys dressing as women to just have a job. In this day and age, it's not such a strange premise. Too bad they only showed 3 episodes before they canned it. It was actually funny but maybe hit too close to home. One episode showed how a woman could be totally stupid and inept and still make the money by being a huge flirt. Hmmm...sounds familiar to real life.

Ok, well Survivor named this season One World. It started out w/ 2 tribes divided into one tribe of women and one tribe of men living in the same area. Interesting since everyone could just stroll over to the other tribe whenever they wanted to, to beg for stuff, spy, steal or socialize. Having a girly guy on the men's tribe was a sly bit of casting. Unfortunately, he's turned out to be a complete a-hole. A quarter way into the season, they changed the tribes to mixed and had them live in different areas. I guess One World is over. One really dumb move was, the men's tribe won immunity and then gave it up just to get rid of a specific player. Really? You thought you'd stay divided into these tribes? Have they never watched Survivor before? I don't care if you have a blind paraplegic dumbass w/ the personality of Howard Stern on your tribe. You don't purposely give up a tribe member until you have to. Sure enough. When they mixed up the tribes, the men had lower numbers on one of them. Well, at least the women don't have to worry about stealing fire anymore.

The Amazing Race started out by going to South America. Cool, since we're sick and tired of India and Africa but I'm sure they'll get there. It seems one team is hated before the start by most of America since they're from a reality show. The funny part is, they're proving to be smart and athletic but rather argumentative. Some teams looked strong and proved to be unlucky and other teams seemed weak and proved to be savy and persistent. One thing this season has really shown is persistence rules. There have been times when the team thinks they're in last place but by hanging in there until the very end, they make it to the next leg. Those are amazing OMG moments. The editors are doing a very good job of limiting the drama and showing the real "never say die" attitude these racers have. Also, the racers this season are pretty positive and not as big complainers as they have been in past seasons. They've also cut down on the amount of non-elimination legs which is good. The thing we love about these elimination reality shows is, we get new players w/ a new season. So don't drag this one out too long. Phil is just as cute and sexy as ever.

Project Runway All Stars has been great. Next week will be the finale and we'll see who's the star of the allstars. It's down to Micheal Costello, Mondo Guerra and Austin Scarlet. They've proven to be totally deserving of being in the final 3. The Hostess, workroom guru and judges were all changed but respected people of the fashion industry and it's been refreshing. Joanna Coles is the workroom guru and brings up such questions as, "How do you wear a bra under that?" Now that's a legitimate question that you'd never hear from Tim Gunn. This season also took any focus away from the models. They've never mentioned their names or made the designers choose them. Isaac Mizrahi and Georgina Chapman have served as judges and they've become endeared even more to America.

Top Chef Texas had a turbulent and very weirdly physical competition. They took the chefs on the road more, made them cook outside in the heat and the grit and deprived them of so much sleep, the chefs became snarky and emotional. Then they made them do elimination challenges that involved biking around town to find ingredients and places to cook, building their own fires to cook on, chopping ingredients out of ice and cooking in freezing outdoors, cooking on gondolas and dashing for ingredients and finally shooting and skiing for ingredients and then making them cook right after that. Ugh, it really jumped the shark. They also had a last chance kitchen that I think Andy Cohen and his co-horts at Bravo should've paid an arm and leg for because it was only a half an hour of pure cooking but was fun and exciting to watch. You could only watch it on-line. From all the comments about it, it was evident a lot of people watched it. Anyway, to the relief of America and half the world, Paul Qui won. He was brilliant, gracious and talented w/ an amazing palate. I think that does describe a Top Chef to the T.

Face Off had an amazing season w/ amazing talent. The level of talent this season was so good, they made last season look like kids from preschool art class. Yes, the make-up artists were critical of others but the criticisms seemed legitimate and the artists seemed most critical of themselves. I loved when Rayce would say, "It looks like crap and I can't believe I'm letting it go out." and then he'd win. When the artists bragged about being really good painters or model makers, they proved it. The really cool thing was, the people who'd get eliminated each week would make a look that would've totally won last season. So, the self deprecating Rayce won the season but I have to say, it was really close for the final 3. RJ and Ian also made really cool and really good creatures. Plus, they had to make it quality because the people did a huge dance number in them. The funniest part of the season was the whiny models. They complained about itching, inability to see, feeling hot, etc. I was yelling at them through the TV, "Shut up and do your job and just sit there." Just think of actors who have to wear the stuff for years. Lavar Burton pointed out he couldn't see w/ his make-up during the whole time his show aired. Anyway, Congrats to Rayce, he did a great job and is so talented, we're all blown away.

The Celebrity Apprentice is on again and unfortunately for Trump, it's opposite Once Upon A Time. Grimm and Once Upon a Time are 2 fantasy shows that are great escapes. Grimm focuses on a police officer who's from the Brother's Grimm line and his life happens to cross over into weirdly fairy tale like situations. I love that they take the seemingly sweet benign stories like Goldielocks and the 3 Bears and makes it about home invasion. How can you not laugh at that? He has a buddy who's literally a wolf from the stories who can change into human form too, who helps him w/ the cases. Once Upon a Time focuses on a family dynamic of Snow White that crosses into the real world. The show does a good job of differentiating the 2 different worlds or else the audience would be completely confused. We get good people to root for and bad people to boo. It's improbably enough to be cool and fun and real enough to make us forget it's based on kid's stories. I find myself pointing to the screen and saying things like, "Hey! He's Rumpelstiltskin."

On Celebrity Apprentice, Trump divided the teams into men and women. I hate that because the balance of talent and needs for tasks are thrown off. I feel sorry for the women when physical and mechanical stuff is required like building stuff or heavy lifting. Come on, these are women who do business in high heels. Then when there's something really girly like fashion or jewelry selling, the men know absolutely nothing. Penn Gillette is proving to be a savvy businessman as well as the showman we all know and love. Paul Teutal has proved to be more powerful at business than we thought. Trump has a new technique to draw out drama. He asks the project managers who they'd bring to the boardroom if they lose before they even say who's won or lost. Lou Ferrigno becomes the Hulk when his name is mentioned as a boardroom candidate. Aubrey ODay has proven to be the only female w/ any creativity. The women better keep her as long as possible. The problem I see is the lack of real celebrity on the women's side. I'm not sure their rolodexes can compare to the men's side. Wisely, Trump has cut down on the fund-raiser tasks because in past seasons, people literally drained their money wells before the finale.

The Biggest Loser is no longer called The Crying Fatties. The editors have cut the crying out and instead, put in a lot of conniving, complaining and talking behind peoples' backs. Conda has become the villain of the season but we're getting a sense of bigtime show editing because the other fatties are very friendly and supportive of her. One thing we're not seeing is amazing weight loss. We also see less working out. I think I've seen more of the contestants' bedrooms than I've seen in 12 seasons. Unfortunately, the producers and editors have made almost all of the contestants unlikeable which makes the audience not give a crap about who goes home. They're going to have to do a lot of redeeming to make America root for a winner. Otherwise, people are just going to see who wins by reading spoiler posts on the social media sites. I also want to point out that Bob seems ill this season. He's looking greyfaced and haggard on some parts of episodes and he's more grouchy and sour. Whatever he's suffering from, I hope he gets better.

This season of The Challenge is called Battle of the Exes. It involves teams of couples who have hooked up or dated before but are no longer together. It's been very interesting to see the I love you/I hate you waverings of the couples. Surprisingly, there was only one hookup of 2 people from different couples. What was really evident was the advantage that the couples who had dated for a long time over the casual hookup couples during the challenges and domes. They worked better in sync and the men knew how to handle the women when they started to lose heart. There was one really awkward incident when Emily decided to make fun of Paula and Tyler by putting chocolate on her face and pretending to be Tyler. Oh boy! When he threatened to quit because he didn't want to be Emily's partner anymore, I really thought he would and I didn't blame him at all. Someone obviously reminded him of the big prize at the end and he stayed. The final dome is really going to be good. It's Johnny and Camilla against their alliance pals Mark and Robin. It's Mark's very first time in an elimination challenge. That means, he's always been in the final challenge each time he's been on the show all these years. Wow! Also, the guy's 40. I can't wait to see the final show.

Finally, I'd like to ask ABC Family channel why they keep cutting their sitcoms? Ruby and the Rockits was such a cute show and seeing the Cassidy family each week was so much fun. Are they going to bring back Melissa and Joey? Of course the shows don't get high audience numbers, not everyone gets that channel and there's a lot of competition too. I prefer the multicam sitcoms and I like corny comedy. Well, I'll have to settle for Big Bang Theory, The Middle, Last Man Standing, Mike and Molly, How I Met Your Mother, 2 Broke Girls and 2 and Half Men. Sigh...

Well, catch you later TV people. Stay Tuned and keep watching.

What the TV Junkie Thinks of New Shows

Well, well, well. It's been a long time. A new TV season is upon us. TV land isn't what it used to be. No longer are the 3 big networks in control. TV stars aren't as sure footed and movies stars are coming off their high horses. Soap operas no longer rule daytime and reality has split into 2 different kinds of genres: competition and voyeurysm. I've seen some of the new shows and here's my opinion.

Survivor is in Samoa. They're calling it South Pacific. Ok. It's the same format as last season. This time it's Coach Wade and athletic Doofus Ozzie. Coach started out making himself a sympathetic character and then a kind of guru. He's done a good job of befriending everyone and making an alliance of 5 w/ a couple others in his back pocket. The problem is, they're not absolutely tight. Russell Hantz's nephew is on the show and is torn between trying to be a christian example and a playa. He comes off as a total weenie and weird. Russell is more likeable. On the other tribe, Ozzie has also made an alliance of 5 but they're less trustworthy and kind of stupid. Ironically, the people he has in the periphery are the most intelligent. I have a feeling Ozzie will never see his demise coming. He found the hidden immunity idol and already failed to keep his mouth shut. God, these people are stupid. I'm liking that the challenge wins aren't one sided. Each tribe wins every other week. That's cool. I wish they'd show the winning tribe enjoying their prize but oh well. It was interesting that the biggest screwballs were sent to redemption island first. Yay! Funny enough, there's a guy on Ozzie's tribe who is just like Woody Allen. Oh boy. Wouldn't you love to live w/ him.

Top Chef: Just Desserts is midway done. They have a famous pastry chef who seems to have a huge arrogant head. It's getting some deflation as the weeks go on. As we all know, these competition reality shows are really marathons and it's all about who can gut it out the best.

Project Runway is having it's most boring season ever. They're trying to make it dramatic and instead have veered away from what we like best; seeing the designers design and sew. They've had a lot of team challenges and neither the audience nor the designers like it. The designs have been weak with a lot of contestants who lack sewing skills. Nina and Micheal seem to realize they do have power over the decisions due to their triumph last season declaring icky ugly Gretch the winner over Mondo. Tim Gunn is insightful as ever but the designers don't seem to get inspiration.

A new show I'm really liking is Person of Interest. A guy w/ mega electronic "big brother" and a cool intelligent military trained guy work together to stop crimes. It's kind of out there and you have to give it some license but it's really cool and moves along quickly. It's the old Mission Impossible crossed w/ Dirty Harry. Jim Caviezel is mesmerizing, compelling and sexy. Michael Emerson is mysterious and interesting but not creepy. The show has one scene it likes to do and we like to watch. Caviezel's in a room w/ guys w/ guns, the scene shifts to an outside of the room shot w/ a bunch of gunfire going on inside. Then there's 3 seconds of silence and then the door opens and Caviezel cooly walks out of the building w/ dead and wounded bodies behind him. It's cool and a good way to infer shooting but we don't have to see it. It's a real old Hollywood thing but it works. Caviezel is also sticking to his christian convictions and never utters a curse word, shows any naughty bits or does any sex scenes. Thank the gods! Only dumb chicks want to know the private life of the super hero.

Ringer is a new show that has a soap opera feel but actually works. An Al Anon woman runs away from her witness protection cop to her rich twin sister. While on a motor boat in the middle of he ocean, her sister seems to disappear into the drink and the poor former drunk takes over the rich sister's life. They show, it's not that easy and being rich isn't that easy either. It's very interesting cuz we never really know if the sister is dead and somebody is always trying to kill the lady but we don't know if the people are really trying to kill her or her sister. Sarah Michelle Geller does a really good job of playing both parts w/out being hammy. I can't say the same for the men who play opposite her.

The Secret Circle is a new show this season. Young witches in high school. It's really dumb and hokey. The acting is awful, the writing is bad and the whole premise is made for one episode only. Unlike Charmed, they don't fight demons to save humanity but seem to fight each other and the powers aren't impressive.

2 Broke Girls is a new comedy on CBS. One streetwise girl, one suddenly impoverished socialite; both poor waitresses trying to catch a break. We've kind of seen this kind of dynamic w/ Laverne & Shirley, Alice and even Roseanne. I watched the whole show and realized, I didn't laugh the whole show. The jokes are old, the premise is older and the girls aren't appealing. In this economy we really don't like to be reminded of how hard life is right now. The closest to funny was when the rich girl fell in horse crap in her expensive dress. Uh huh, it was crap alright.

It's not new but Two and a Half Men has a new star. I have to say, the premise is kind of asking for a lot of leeway. I don't like Sheen, but I miss him. The problem w/ the show is, the 2 main characters are both pathetic weenies and it's not fun. It's kind of like having a dessert that's just all sugar and needs some sour to balance it. Even Berta isn't her cold callous self. Having the mother on to lend her dry wit would help but they don't utilize her. Jake is now merely a prop and I'm sorry, Kutcher just can't seem to play an adult. I have a feeling this will be the last season for this show.

How to Be a Gentleman needs a way better title but it's too late. The pilot was a little disjointed but okay. They need to do away w/ the nice guy's family and just show the nice milqetoast trying to live w/ the manly slob. We could use another Odd Couple kind of comedy again. We haven't seen one since Perfect Strangers. As long as they don't make the show preachy, it should be good.

Up All Night is about parents w/ a newborn. The mother is the money earner and the father is a househusband. I rarely like single camera sitcoms and this one has the cameraman w/ the worst case of Parkinsons I've ever seen. Either that or he drinks too much and gets the shakes. The story was good and reminiscent of Seinfeld. Maya Rudolph does not have a face for visual medium and her character is annoying instead of funny. Christina Applegate and Amy Poehler's husband are really funny together w/ their scenes quick and witty w/ energy. Luckily, they made the story about the parents and not the baby.

America's Next Top Model is very weird this season. It's an allstar season but the problem is, the women aren't all stars and some are way too old to be models. Most are established in the business and the others are wannabe's that didn't make it the first time. I'm rooting for Laura and Bre.

Well, that's about all. The Amazing Race is just starting and the only interesting part is Ethan and Jenna are competing.

See ya next time people. Stay tuned.

The Great Ones Are On!

Okay, well, I think I skipped a week. Unfortunately, my memory isn't what it was so I'll try to give the updates.

On RuPaul's Drag Race, the girls had to do a message to the troops w/ a patriotic theme. Oh boy! I hope the troops like drag queens cuz the messages were quite risque. Some of the outfits were barely there too. In the day and age of don't ask don't tell, some troops may not have to tell at all. Anyway, the Puerta Rican did a really good job and looked the best and won. The judges decided not to eliminate anybody. Then the next week, the girls had to... well I don't know cuz my stupid TiVo stuck. All I know is, Yara Sophia was eliminated.

On Face Off, the artists had to transform themselves so that their family member couldn't recognize them up close. Everybody did really good except Meagan. She didn't do any prosthetics and her makeup wasn't great either. She should take lessons from drag queens. Anyway, the artists had to help out in a wig shop w/ the family member right there. Meagan tried to cheat and hide her face. Whatever. You could tell the mother was thinking, Hm...that girl looks familiar. Needless to say, Meagan got the boot. I was really frustrated. I missed the last episode of Face Off and the SyFy Channel has not shown any more of the series; not even the last episode. All I know is, Connor won. I'm kind of disappointed since Tate did an awesome job all season. I did hear that the artists got to choose 2 former contestants to help w/ the last project. Connor did not choose Meagan. Hmmm...guess he agreed w/ the judges. She wasn't that great.

On the crying fatties AKA Biggest Loser, the show is really playing w/ mixing people up. First they switch one player, then they make one big team then they split into 4 little teams. Whatever! Everybody was in one big team. The weigh-in came down to Kaylee and the mother who already hit her goal weight. Of course, the mother fell on the sword and asked to be voted out and was sent home. The next week, teams were split into 4 small teams w/ one former player brought back. Rulon is on Jillian's team w/ Hannah (the bitchy sister) and they chose Jay to come back. I was glad of that. Rulon's not stupid. Hannah had suggested Arthur but Art sucked badly in all of the team challenges. So Kaylee found she was satisfied and wanted to go home. At the weigh-in, she didn't quite go far enough and only didn't gain weight. She lost 0. Then the rest of her team weighed in and they didn't land in the bottom. OMG, it's the first time I've seen someone cry for the wrong reason. Then someone said, "But we found this was the only way we could leave." Alison quickly pointed out the ranch wasn't a prison. If you wanna go; go. Because of strategy, Moses talked to Kaylee and she decided to stay. Then the vote happened. Justin fell on the sword this time, asked to go home and was sent home. God, these are the wussiest contestants ever.

On America's Next Top Model, the girls got makeovers and then had to pose in pairs except one group of 3. The one white chick got the worst hair weave I've ever seen and everyone agreed including her. Man, Alexandra is so bitchy and bossy. The crew don't even like her. Anyway, Dominique, she of the freckles was sent home. Last week, the girls had to walk a runway lined w/ fire and then light firepads on their palms on fire and walk. OMG! Are they trying to test the nerve of these girls or what? But they don't crack. You go girls! Then the girls had to work in pairs again. This time they did a fake coffee commercial that had a lot of sexual innuendo. Alexandra was bossy again and the director didn't like it at all. The setting was in the 40's Mad Men era. Kasia's the only girl w/ real curves so of course, she looked the best and she did do the best acting. She won and that ugly boy/girl was sent home w/ her nose ring.

Survivor is humming along. Robs team pulled their finger out and they're winning the challenges. 2 weeks ago, they voted out Christa. We had to watch her and christian blonde guy bond over her bible. Ick. Then at the duel, she got beat and gave her bible to blonde guy. It was interesting to see the reaction of the playing survivors cuz the one girl was his former close teammate. Then there was a whole lot of Philip being unintentionally funny, bawling out the lazy girls for not helping etc. Where the heck was Rob? Then they had that launch the balls and catch in JaiAlai nets. The long haired guy on Rob's team was the hero of the day and Rob's team won again. This time they did show them on their picnic that they won but it was because there was scheming w/ the hidden II clue. Rob's gotta get an Emmy award for this cuz he has the idol. Anyway, at the other camp, the producers really make a big deal of people being pissed at Sarita for whining and such. Last week when they showed her, I thought she was a new player. I never noticed her before. But, no. Stephanie was booted and goodbye to her. Won't miss your weasely face at all and so ends the mini tribe of Russell. Hee hee hee.

Top Chef didn't have it's finale. Nope, they're down to 3 people but still eliminating. The week before, the chefs had to catch their own conch. It was hilarious to see Blaise trying not to mess up his hair. Too bad that conch was all on the ocean floor ha ha ha. Anyway, they had to cook and serve outside and Tiffany's soup got to the table cold. She was sent home. Last week, the chefs had to cook last meals for Masaharu Morimoto, Michelle Bernstein and Wolfgang Puck. But first, they had to do a quickfire w/ limitations. Antonia got canned food and tied to a partner. Blaise had to make a hotdog w/ one hand. Isabella had to cook w/ only one pot and w/ no utensils. Isabella won the quickfire. I noticed he wasn't afraid to use his hands for everything. In the elimination, Isabella assigned which last supper the chefs had to cook. I have a feeling he thinks Blaise is getting tired and will choke again. He gave Antonia Morimoto which is the hardest. Blaise got Puck and he took Bernstein. So they all did a good job but Richard won and then they made Antonia and Isabella do one last bite. OMG, really? After much running around, Mike won and is in the finale w/ Richard.

On the Amazing Race, the teams were still in China. I forget what they had to do but one task had to do w/ remembering people in costumes. I loved the globetrotters giving the hats names: mop, zebra, big feather. I was LOL. The redheaded bitchy chicks ran into all sorts of trouble literally. They accidentally took off a guy's side mirror and he took up time calling the insurance company and such. Hee hee hee. I was hoping he'd really take up their time and he did cuz the more they asked him to hurry up, the slower he got. Kent and Vyxin pulled their finger out and got going. In the end, the cowboys hit the finish mat first and the redheads were sent home. Yay! Last week, the teams started in China w/ a nice cup of tea at a tea shop. Then they went to India. The town hall or whatever wasn't open so the first teams to arrive started to relax and when the last teams arrived, Flight Time told everyone to run run run and sign up. The mad dash was the funniest thing to watch ever. Then the roadblock was a tea tasting. Oh boy! I'll bet some of the teams wished they'd paid attention better at the tea in China cuz that was the tea they had to pick out. Ron did really good and found his before the others even got started. The smart ones smelled the tea and were able to find it faster. Obviously, Zev, Flight Time and that deaf guy aren't too smart. They were the last ones left. Deaf guy was literally crying in his mother's arms. Jen and Kesha didn't realize the next clue was under the bottle cap and drove all over looking for the Snapple plant. Somehow Ron and Christina fell behind after a good lead and the cowboys just seemed to be moseying along. In the end, Gary and Mallory hit the finish mat first and the deaf guy and his bitchy mom were sent home. Bye! I hope you get dysentery as a souvenir.

Finally, on the Celebrity Apprentice, 2 weeks ago, the teams had to do a camping outdoors experience for an RV company. The women decorated inside but failed to do the outside experience. The men showed they were men and didn't decorate inside so well but the outside experience was complete w/ astroturf, trees, bushes, camping gear and John Rich strumming the guitar. W/ Gary Busey as the project manager, it was interesting to see how the task was carried out. The men won and Nikki decided, since she was the losing project manager. It was obvious she didn't do such a good job and she graciously took the firing. Last week, the teams had to do a commercial for a videophone. Boy, those little suckers are getting better and better. The women went sappy and the guys went funny. The guys won again and they should've. The commercial was hilarious w/ Busey as the father seeing his son's fiancee who turned out to be Jose Conseco. OMG, the whole room busted out laughing. On the women's team, the fur started to fly. You gotta give Dionne Warwick a break. She's over 70 years old and she's tired. She first volunteered to go home but then said she'd stay when Trump called her a quitter. But she was fired anyway and I don't think she was sorry to go.

That's about it for this week. I did watch a lot more tv than that but I don't want this blog too long. I hate long boring blogs, don't you? See ya next time! Stay tuned.

I Have Returned

Okay, I know I'm wayyyy behind but I took a little hiatus and now I'm back. The hard part is knowing where to start.

RuPaul's Drag Race has been pretty fun. One week the girls had to do their celebrity impressions and some were really funny. Of course one girl/guy did Cher and for some reason, it was really flat. It's not all about the look people. Cher has a cool attitude too. I was right. Raja is that makeup artist guy from America's Next Top Model. He was Tyra and looked great and was funny, but still couldn't pull off that total wackadoo that Tyra is. Well, I mean, who can? One guy was a famous singer who I didn't know was funny but he made her funny. In the end, that boring guy/girl was kicked off. She/he was so boring, I never could remember her name. The next week, the girls had to dress as cakes. First they decorated their cakes; kind of. To decide who got to assign the cakes they had that reading thing where everybody insults everybody in a funny way. Some were funny and some were just insulting. Anyway, everybody looked cute until Stacey Lane showed up in some red velvet pantsuit to represent her cake. OMG, no fat woman would ever show up in public in a velvet pantsuit. I don't think the judges considered the lip synch at all and she was sent home. I'm gonna have nightmares about that outfit. Yikes! Then the next week, the girls had to do stand-up comedy. Everybody is hating on Shangela and she's very surprised as well as the tv audience. Shangela wins the mini challenge again and gets to make the line-up as to who goes first and last blah blah blah. Rita Rudner was there to give some coaching. My favorite bit was that Spanish midget bit. OMG, when she came running on stage that was it. I was LOL. Shangela did some black ho bit w/ attitude. Hasn't that already been done? She impressed the judges and won. This time, the last fattie was really boring and not funny at all. I have to say, her makeup looked really good this week but she was still sent home. What's worse than a fat woman? A fat guy in drag. Ick.

Face Off has been really interesting. A couple weeks ago, the make-up effects artists had to make up wedding couples. The twist was, they had to make the guy the girl and the girl the guy. They worked in pairs and had the option to work together on both or each work on one. The teams who worked together on both did better. One team made their couple into old Chinese people who looked like dried prunes. It was pretty bad and not at all flattering to old Chinese people. One team made their guy look like he was made of plastic so he looked like a walking ventriloquist puppet. Everybody groused that Meagan didn't seem to do anything and Colin did all of the work. That's not true. Meagan flirted and acted like a dumb ditz the whole time. But in the end, he did the underwork and Meagan did the make-up and they won. Jo, she of little talent, did a lot of fingerpointing and criticizing of Meagan's work. The judges never listen to the winner's opinion and Jo was sent home. Last week, the artists had to make people into zombies. My favorite artist is Tate. He uses and works on the whole body. Sometimes it looks like he bites off more than he can chew, but he still seems to pull it off and his looks always look scarily real. Everybody had good ideas for their zombies but after sketching and stuff, they were told the looks had to hold up through a full dance number. Oh boy! No cheating here. Meagan painted blood on her zombie's face. I guess that was a freshly killed zombie since it doesn't take blood very long to lose it's bright redness. Tate's was scary and funny at the same time w/ a disjointed jaw and the zombie holding his own entrails. In the end, Tate won. Once again, the judges totally ignored his opinion of who should go and Tom was sent home. Too bad cuz Tom was quite cool. His downfall was not being able to get over glitches fast enough and always running out of time. By Tom. I'll look for your name in credits.

The Crying Fatties aka Biggest Loser is having a weird season. They should call this the self sabotage season. I have never seen more people gain weight on purpose to go home. Anyway, it was pretty much the same. They had a little challenge, the ridgers won but the ranchers seem to win the weigh-in. Nobody gained on purpose and unfortunately, Jay and Jen are the outsiders on the ridgers team so Jay fell on the sword and was sent home. The next week, the ridgers won the challenge again, which was volleying huge balls down a football field w/out letting them touch the ground. The ranchers couldn't get it together, Rulon led the ridgers and they won again. This time, the weigh-in was different. There was a red line and a yellow line. Whoever lost the least weight, no matter from what team, and ended up at the bottom was sent home period. Then, the team that lost the weigh-in had to do the boot vote. The ranchers showed they had absolutely no faith in their team, especially Arthur and all of the parents gained weight. It was only a contest of who gained the most. Needless to say, the ridgers won cuz when half your team gains weight, it's kind of a given that you're going to lose the weight loss contest. The old wrinkly mother w/ the orphan haircut landed on the bottom and was sent home. Then the yellow team voted out Arthur's Dad. The whole plan was kind of retarded because now they're left w/ all women except Arthur the ultra fatty. Man, I don't know how long I was away. The next week, the fatties went home for 2 weeks and then had a weigh-in after running a 5K on a treadmill. The twist was, the fatties would get to choose their trainers again and switch if they wanted to. The home footage was ultra boring. I really wanted to see the fatties eating in the real world w/ their friends saying, "A salad? Here, you deserve a break. Have some chili fries." Instead, it was a ton of blah blah blah about how much they loved their families. Ick. Nauseating. Are the directors and producers of this show gay pansies or what? So then the fatties came back and did their 5k and surprisingly enough, the results were very similar w/ the very first time they did it. Jen switched back to the black team (ranchers) and Sarah stuck w/ the black team too. Arthur was forced to switch to the red team (ridgers) and everbody cried. Oh boo freakin' hoo. At least you're still there. Uh, wait a minute. Unfortunately, the ridgers lost the weigh-in and they booted Arthur's fat ass. Bye ya big sissy baby. This time nobody did the self sabotage thing. Yay! They finally caught the martyrs off guard. The lone mother on the black team even said she would've sacrificed herself to save Arthur. Well, ya didn't. I'm sick to death of everybody trying to keep Arthur on the ranch when he doesn't put his whole effort into it himself. Pa-thetic. Last week, the teams chose captains. The captains had to choose one person to be the cook. That person was the only one allowed in the kitchen. Then they picked 2 people from their team who were allowed to be w/ the trainers. Well, BFD. I knew I didn't like those snooty sisters from the black team. Sarah and the sister were chosen to work w/ the trainers and the sister looked like she was told she had to live w/ a skunk for the week. What a bee-yotch. This time, the ranchers all girl team actually won the challenge but then lost the weigh-in and nobody tried to gain weight. Poor Sarah. She was the odd girl out and I knew she was going to get booted and she did. What a dumbass. She should've gone back to her original team but then again, I was sick and tired of her boo hooing she couldn't have kids cuz she was too fat. Whatever.

Top Chef Allstars is down to the final four. Here's how they got there. Quickfire: The chefs had to deep fry something for Paula Deen. Antonia had a great dish and a brain fart and lost to Mike Isabella cuz she only plated one plate. Meanwhile, Isabella used a dish he'd seen illustrated in Richard's notebook. Yo Richard! You're in a competition. Don't show the competitor your playbook. Then the chefs had to use seafood from the New Orleans gulf region and feed 300 people. The catch was, the protein they chose came w/ a past eliminated chef as their sous chef. Blaise had the right idea and chose the sous chef cuz if you're a great chef, you can make any protein taste good. So Blaise chose Fabio. Yay! Then the rest of the chefs just tried not to get Marcel but he had a great protein so Tiffany took him. Marcel needs to learn to shut up after he's eliminated. Nobody cares about your food concepts anymore cuz you're out of the competition. On the other hand, Isabella looked clueless so Tiffany F. gave him suggestions and he went with it. In the end, Dale paid for his sins in the Dim Sum challenge. Instead of getting away w/ just feeding the judges and ignoring the crowd he was supposed to feed, the crowd came through first, ate the good stuff and he had subpar undercooked food to serve to the judges. Haw haw. Tiffany moved too slowly for this show. Marcel ended up cooking her shrimp and sauce and the judges didn't like either. Carla tried to serve common food to the high end crowd and didn't get away w/ that. I loved that she picked Tre as her sous chef thinking he would know Southern food that black people eat and he didn't. What is chow chow? In the end, Richard won and Dale was sent home. The best part? John Besh was on the show. Hoo hoo hoo. I was drooling and not at the food. So for the next week, the quickfire consisted of the chefs trying to make something edible out of ferry snackbar food. Ew. Somehow, Carla found fruit and marinated it in juice. The judge was that chef who has a farm. I'm sure he was gagging on the processed food. Mike Isabella made what I call college stew and I guess it tasted as bad as it looked. Since Carla had the only food that looked fresh, she won. Then tah-dah, they were on Ellis island. Why waste time on a ferry? Let it be part of the show. Anyway, I digress. Then family members showed up, people cried, and family trees and heritage books were pulled out. Blah blah blah, nauseating. The only interesting thing was, Mike and Antonia turned out to be cousins from Italy. Oh boy! Then the chefs had to cook a dish inspired by their ancestry. It seemed nobody could diss the dishes in front of the family members and in the end, the judges let everybody pass to the finale. Are you kidding me? Make a choice people. That's your job. If you couldn't pick the worst then pick the least best. Yeesh. Not only that, but they about gave Richard a heart attack by saying, "Richard, please pack your knives and...go to the Bahamas." I thought he was going to pass out right there. Since there's 5 people in the finale location, I'm not sure how long it's going to be. So the first show is in the Bahamas and when the chefs land, the winners of their season are standing there. The quickfire is to cook head to head w/ the same protein against their Top Chef. It was interesting that none of the proteins were seafood. Richard and Antonia also cooked against Stefanie. Mike Isabella beat Mike Voltaggio which I couldn't believe at all. Tiffany beat Kevin and Richard beat Stefanie. Carla and Antonia well...didn't win. Then the chefs were told they were going to cook for royalty. Oh really? I can't believe they thought they were going to be upscale people. Have you ever seen the people of the Bahamas? There's a reason they don't eat inside. After coming up w/ their dish, they found they were going to cook for the King of Junkanoo; emphasis on junk. Anyway, as luck would have it, the kitchen fryer caught on fire and they had to start all over again. You could really see the fatigue. Anyway, Carla and Antonia landed in the bottom again but Carla was sent home for very underdone pork and Mike Isabella was declared the winner of this round.

On Survivor, things are not as usual. First, we found Ralph found the Immunity Idol instead of the troll Russell. We find Russell's looking for the idol w/ his chosen dumb girl alliance. Well, Russell, they're not only dumb but unlikeable too and that's not a good combination. Anyway, on Rob's team, the former federal agent is driving everybody nuts. So the teams have their challenge and Rob's team loses. The blonde christian guy goes and shakes hands and congratulates the other team on their win. Rob's furious. This is how influential Rob is. He got his alliance to turn on one of it's members and the blonde christian was booted. At the same time, Christina thought she'd get the vote and used her immunity idol. I swear, I could see Rob twirling his mustache. So finally we get to see a duel. It's Francesqua (no wonder Phil said it funny) and the blonde guy. It's just a mini challenge repeat of a former big challenge. The blonde guy wins with 2 people from each tribe as witnesses. Bye Frannie. One less lawyer always makes a better world. I loved that Russell's guys lied to him and said the woman won. This season, Russell's getting played. On Rob's team, Phil's still driving everyone nuts. At the challenge, Russell's team decides to throw the challenge. No kidding. I was waiting for a tribe to realize they need to get rid of Russell before it's too late. They did the old turn people on wheel and have them spit to fill container but then they added a puzzle to the end. So anyway, Rob's team won and didn't seem to have a clue that the other team wasn't trying. Russell tried to fool his tribe into thinking is tiny group had the immunity idol. I thought Ralph would tell his tribe then that he had it but he didn't. They split the vote and Russell tried to sway one lady but she turned out to be smarter than the usual putzes and Russell was booted. Last week, we saw the blonde christian against the devil Russell in their duel. It was a domino chain thing. The christian was victorious and then Russell vented everything. First he cried, the shouted out who the tribe leader was, they threw the last challenge and that he had the clue to the idol. Ralph should've stayed quiet and let the other team think Russell was totally crazy but nope, he let it slip that he had the idol. Oy vey. At the challenge, Ralph's team won again. Rob was livid cuz he thought he had a tribe that could win and found he didn't. It's not always good to have all girls on your tribe if you're worried about your ego. So off to tribal again. I forgot to mention, Rob found the immunity idol during the duel time while the rest of the tribe was frolicking on the beach. Anyway, it was kind of a given that Christina would be voted out since Rob dictated it; even though the whole tribe wanted to get rid of Phil but Rob can't afford to lose any more men for the challenges. So they've gotten rid of a lawyer, a christian, a rat and a be-yotch. Wow! They are making the world a better place.

America's Next Top Model is also on Wednesday nights. Jeez. This season, there was none of that half audition thing in front of the J's and Tyra. At least they didn't televise it. The final girls were told they didn't make the cut and were loaded onto a bus to get their luggage at a place. Then they found, it was their house. Oh that crafty Tyra. It's an interesting group. Some of the girls look like girls from past seasons. There's the usual bitchy one, the awkward one, the plus sized one and the androgynous one. One thing I notice, nobody is near the mid 20's which is nearing retirement age for models. Also, there are a lot of bad complexions. In the 3rd season, they made a huge deal of Yaya's bad skin. The bad skin this year is even worse. So anyway, the first modeling thing is to walk a skinny runway in a pool in a plastic ball. OMG. I felt sorry for the girls who fell cuz it looked like it really hurt and they had a really tough time getting back on their feet. Then their photoshoot was done backstage while getting ready for the runway. Way to utilize the time Tyra. The cute hispanic looking girl was booted. Okay. The next episode had the girls making a picture of their worst critics which turned out to be themselves. Their parents must be really nice. It was really dumb and made just to make the girls cry. One girl who talked nonchalantly of her brother's being dead really kind of broke down and broke through a wall. Then the girls had to do a photoshoot w/ bees. Eek! I loved the cotton in the nose and ears. Thank goodness for photoshop. At elimination, the girl w/ the dead brothers issue decided she needed to take care of her issues and not in this venue and bowed out. Tyra went right ahead and booted another girl anyway. Good going. Last week was finally the make-overs. Wow! What a lot of extensions and weaves this season. A couple of girls didn't really have anything done. Then the girls had to do a photoshoot in designer clothes in pairs. Wow! Alexandra isn't just bitchy but a diva too. Wouldn't you know it? She won best photo. Oh brother. Dominique was sent home w/ her huge freckles that disguised her bad complexion.

Finally, on The Amazing Race, the teams made it out of Australia but that dumb couple came in last so were eliminated due to their automatic u-turn. Already the teams are showing a lack of reading ability. The clue said to dance on their picture they made and some didn't do that. Then they had a really funny detour that had the teams dressing as kangaroos. Zev and Justin won the leg. Okay, so after that long leg, I'm not sure where they were but the writer guy and his Dad are having troubles with cramps in the legs and what not. Oh boy! So the teams are in China, I think. They have to do a Chinese warrior task thing and hunt for lucky frogs in a bog while people pelt them w/ mud. I think the producers are going for a really funny season. The bitchy cheerleaders are really having a bad luck day w/ breaking another driver's mirror off and getting lost, etc. They think they're in last place. Once again, Zev and Justin get to the mat first. Surprisingly, the writer guy and his Dad don't finish the detour and come in last. I think it's best and get to the hospital already. Last week, the teams are to travel to another part of China. China is huge so yes it can take all night to fly across it. For some reason, Kent and Vyxin drive 6 hours in the wrong direction on their way to the airport and miss the required flight. I'm sure most of the requirement thing was about immigration. It's not like they caught another flight because they didn't want to get on the required flight so I doubt they'll be penalized. Anyway, it did put them about 6 hours behind everybody. Then in China, it seemed Ron and Christina (the Chinese Dad and daughter) would have the advantage. Ron wanted to sightsee and eat. The teams had to ride a yak. The cowboys were so funny w/ Cord whupping the yak like a steer as he rode it. The Chinese weren't impressed. Then the teams had to hunt for little zodiac signs and then hang them in order. It took Zev literally all day cuz Kent and Vyxin showed up while they were still there. Then the teams chose to all pound Chinese candy. Vyxin found she lost her fanny pack on the gondola. OMG. I'm really surprised cuz this time Kent is calm and Vyxin is frantic. They must've switched their meds. So the deaf guy and his bitchy mom get to the mat first but it's not a pitstop. They're still racing and the episode is to be continued again. I hope they don't do this too many times. It's getting old.

I'd like to know. Where the heck are the Law & Order shows? I know the original is done but where's Law & Order: Criminal Intent? Where's Law & Order Los Angeles? Grrrr...Come back. I'm craving some cerebral drama.

Okay, I'll get a grip and see you guys next time. Stay Tuned.

New Twists, Old Competitors.

WEll, well, well the new seasons are beginning.

I haven't watched it, but The Bachelor brought back a bachelor who didn't pick someone the last time. Really? We get to hate the guy all over again? What a bunch of loser women too? Who is really that desperate. You know they're not genuine at all and just want their 15 minutes on the boob tube. Ick and double ick.

On Rupaul's Drag Race, the women had to first do a scandalous papparazzi shot. How funny that they either did a beaver shot, a wardrobe malfunction shot or a fighting shot. Raja needs to remember she's supposed to be feminine. He/She did her bloody makeup too graphically and you could see the "Ew." on Rupaul's face. Stacy Lane Matthews and one of the big hispanic accent girls won. They then each chose girls for their teams for the next challenge. The girls had to do a newscast complete w/ anchors, gossip headliner, interviewer and weathergirl. Debbie Matenopolis was there to give them pointers and critiques. Stacy's group wasn't too bad. Actually, she was the most boring on her team. The other team was too boring all the way around. India Ferra did the weather and the graphics were more fun than she was. Once again, Raja was really boring too. The runway was really interesting. The guest judge was Chloe Sevigney. For once, those fatties weren't the ugliest girl in the room. The outfits were really interesting. One was a newspaper top that didn't go all the way around w/ a newpaper bikini brief. Impressive. No real girl could've pulled that off. Anyway, Shangela was declared the winner. India Ferra couldn't out lip synch Stacy Lane and was sent home. Good riddance. What a freakin' whining downer. Now I know why his parents beat him. They were trying to see if he was alive or not.

Face Off went straight to the big challenge. The makeup artists were to make their own horror monster w/ a movie title and tagline to go w/ it. This was really interesting. Just by watching, you learn a lot w/out someone having to verbally explain everything. There was a big disfigurement theme because these are makeup artists. You can't just dress your model in black and say he's insane like Norman Bates. I loved the footage of Gage and Marcel trying to get their silicon prosthetics and masks out of the stuck molds. Meghan is still flirting madly w/ Conor and he's a bit oblivious to it. Jeez dude, she's about blowing you over w/ the wind from her fluttering eyelashes. Jo's ear guages are so big, she looks like one of those African women who can pull their earlobes over their baby's head but that's their goal. What's up w/ her? Anyway, I thought Tate's monster was really impressive. He always has a knack for using the whole body. Meghan's was dumb. she made a geeky human w/ a big misshapen mouth. Anthony's Mr. Hyde take off wasn't as bad as he thought. Tom's monster was a human teddy bear hybrid. In the end, he won. The winner always gets to put his or her 2 cents in about who they think should go. The judges have only listened to the winner once. If I were the winner, I'd say, "You don't listen to us anyway so I'm just gonna shut up." Cuz it puts the idea in the minds of the judges that the winning person is just bitter or jealous when it's really not the case. The judges should really listen because these competitors know who's just sliding by or getting too much help. In the end, everyone was surprised cuz Marcel was sent home. He's been doing some really brilliant work so nobody understood this decision at all.

Survivor is back! There are new twists. There is a redemption island that the booted player goes to. Each week (except the first of course) there will be a duel between the previously ousted player and the recent ousted player and the winner will be able to stay but only on the island dueling w/ each ousted player until he/she is defeated themself. Then that player duels the next new ousted player and so on and so on. I'm not sure when the duel survivor will return to the game but I'm sure it'll be at a good time. Probably the merge. The other twist is, Boston Rob and Ratfaced Russell are back. It was so funny to see the reactions. The people were kind of happy to see Boston Rob but the other group faked the joy at Russell joining them. Then they all went to their campsites w/ a fully loaded building kit. Poor Rob. He's got almost all girls on his tribe w/ one wackadoo guy who says he's a former federal agent. I'm thinking he only had one day on the job before they booted him out. On Russell's tribe, people were sizing each other up. I have a feeling Russell ditched the cameras when looking for the hidden immunity idol cuz we got a lot of shots of him coming out of the jungle while everyone was working. It seems he's laying low this season. He did try and join up w/ one dumb girl already. If Russell asks you to ally w/ him, I wouldn't take it as a compliment. He likes his girls dumb, if you remember. On Rob's tribe, he's got a female version of Russell. The dame is dikey w/ an attitude. Y'know. Wants to prove she's got big balls too. Whatever. She found the immunity idol and then made an alliance w/ Francesca and Phillip. It's odd that her 2 buddies were the only black people and one alienated himself by being really annoying. Meanwhile, Rob just acted respectable and everybody else gave him respect. So for the challenge, they had to push big huge rock things on a track, then chop ropes to loose the gate and then put a big 3-D puzzle together. Rob's all girl tribe proved they didn't have enough muscle and fell wayyyyy behind. Even though Rob's a whiz at puzzles, they just couldn't make up the time and ratfaced Russell's tribe won. For the rest of the show, that tribe fell off the face of the earth. So female Russell is trying to make a plan but Phillip is dumber than a box of rocks. I say, if you see someone is that dumb, why stay in an alliance w/ him? Rob smells a rat and makes a good plan to split the vote for the outsiders. This time around, he's got the numbers on his side. As long as his tribe doesn't lose all the immunity challenges, he should do better this season. Tribal council was funnier than hell. Everything was going along well until Francesca said, "No one's going to vote for Rob." Phillip doesn't know what purposeful deception is and spilled the beans about his alliance, the plan to vote out Rob and use the idol and the fact that female Russell had the immunity idol. Even Probst's jaw was on the ground. Everybody was absolutely gobsmacked and I was LOL. Rob showed his power in the group and made her show him the idol and then tried to get the idol by guaranteeing she wouldn't be voted out this time. She didn't go for it. I was surprised she didn't use her idol but in the end, it was Phil's vote that sent Francesca to Redemption island. Oh boy! What a great season it's turning out to be! I really hope Rob goes all the way this time. He really deserves it and I think other people think the same.

On Top Chef, the muppets made a guest appearance and it was hilarious. Of course when you have Cookie Monster on the show, it's pretty much a given that the chefs are going to make cookies. I was surprised to see how many had never made a cookie before. Antonia made a huge chocolate cookie that Elmo said looked like a cowchip and it did. Dale made a no-bake cookie w/ potato chips and he was declared the winner. I loved when Cookie Monster was so hungry he was eating the tablecloth. Too funny! I also liked that the muppets called Blais out for making something fancy that wasn't a cookie. Then the chefs had to cook a meal in Target. For a minute, I was really thinking Uh-oh... Until they said it's a new super kind of Target that has a grocery store in it. But they still had to set up their tables and appliances, shop and cook all in 3 hours. Really? I think I would've said, to hell w/ the fancy set up and just served on the boxes but they did have to have a table to work on and put appliances on. I was surprised nobody utilized the electric grills. You know they have all kinds of George Foreman grills there. Anyway, there were a lot of soups. The guys didn't really do the aesthetics and poor Carla took wayyy too long to shop. This is a cooking show. To heck w/ the tablecloths girl! In the end the chefs who didn't make just a soup were on the top. Blais made a pork tenderloin and I was impressed. Antonia made an egg dish ala minute by the looks of it and I was impressed. Dale did dorm food and spiced up tomato soup and made grilled cheese on the iron like I did in my college days. He was declared the winner. Tiffany, Carla and Angelo landed on the bottom. Mike had tasted Angelo's soup and told him it needed salt. Hmmm... I smell a rat. This time, oversalting did Angelo in. I guess this time, the salting did make the dish inedible unlike Dale's salty sandwich the week before. Bye Angelo, see you at the reunion.

The Amazing Race is back w/ old competitors who've never won. Some are couples who made it all the way to the end but lost by minutes. There are a couple of couples I can't stand. The deaf guy and his mother who always play him up as the victim. We don't hate you because you're deaf. We hate you because you're an asshole. You just happen to be deaf too. Those really bitchy cheerleaders are back too and wouldn't you know it. They're friends w/ the deaf guy and him bitchy mother. I hope they all pass out more than once. Some of my faves are back. The Dad/daughter Kentuckians, The Harlem Globetrotters, the Cowboys, the writer and his old dad, the Chinese Dad/daughter. The problem is, time has passed and the old people are older and the younger people aren't so young anymore. It really shows. The Cowboys don't seem as gung ho anymore. I think the producers threw a lot of money at them to do the show when they really didn't want to. Previously, Cord was doing the race as a last adventure w/ his friend before he got married. Now he's married and I think the cowboys are over the whole thing. The Harlem Globetrotters are back w/ a vengeance to prove their loss was just a fluke. Some of the other couples seem like they really need the money so they have that desperation. They Kentucky Dad/daughter team are doing back to back races. Wow! Anyway, they started in Indio, California among the windmills. First they had a hunt and search task. The clue was Queensland and Native Territories Air Service. Man, I realized these people weren't as bright as I thought. They didn't even put it together that it makes the acronym Qantas. Duh! And, the prize was an airline reservation. Finally everyone got off but the last team earned a u-turn in the next detour. I love the way they make the drive to the airport seem short. I'm not sure where they flew out of but the nearest big airport from Indio is at least 2 hours away. The first 8 teams earned seats on the first plane going out and was supposed to land an hour and a half earlier than the 2nd plane. 3 teams were on the 2nd plane. The funniest thing is, the first plane had a medical emergency on board and had to make a stop in Honolulu. How funny is that? As it was, they landed 1/2 hour behind the 2nd plane. The Kentuckians turned on the burners and led the pack the rest of the show. For the roadblock, one person had to find a compass w/ a puzzle key in a tank of sharks and stingrays. They weren't as petrified as I thought they should've been. Then they had to decipher a flag code w/ the key, find the commodore and tell him the pass phrase. The deaf guy and mother and the cheerleaders proved they're kind of dumb. I was glad to see other people weren't helping them. The chinese Dad/daughter team only told them but had them show them where the commodore was first. That was smart. The Cowboys showed they're really quite dumb. Not only did they not finish the puzzle to the end but got turned back more than once for not giving the correct pass phrase. Instead of sitting there saying, "I'm not good at puzzles." Shut up and keep working at it. That's when I knew they weren't really into it. I also got the idea when they weren't at all upset by missing the train and the ferry. I'm thinking, they're purposely trying to go home first. Well, not in this show cuz the finish mat wasn't the finish mat. Phil just gave them another clue. To be continued indeed.

The Worst Cooks in America had it's finale. Georg and Joshie had to cook a 3 course meal for judges. At least Ann and Robert made the menus. They were nice enough not to come up w/ things that had to be cleaned either. First they had a practice run which was nice so the cooks could see how the whole process had to be organized for the timed event and they could tweak the dishes. I realized Georg is really dumb. How many sauces has Robert made and had them make? So Robert says, "And we finish the sauce w/..." and Georg couldn't come up w/ butter. OMG! Have you been in this cooking competition for 8 weeks or what? Then later in the day, he asked the same question and she still couldn't come up w/ the answer. How retarded is she? Joshie pulled his finger out and found his groove. In the end, he won and deservedly so. The funniest part was, Ann and Robert had a side bet and Robert had to dye his hair platinum blonde when Georg lost. That was great except, everyone agrees, he looks better brunette.

Well, that's if for this week. See you all next time. Stay tuned!