Oops...Where have I been? Oh yeah, watching TV.

Hello all.  Sorry I missed some stuff but I'll try to catch up.

The Amazing Race went to India.  The racers looked hot and bothered and the roadblock didn't help.  The border patrol guys were still grousing over the betrayal they felt at the hands of the Airforce guy and wife.  Boo freakin' hoo; move on.  So one person from the team had to learn a Bollywood dance and then perform it to the satisfaction of the director.  Oh boy!  Guess who did the best at this?  Yep, the women which caused a huge shuffle of the order of the teams.  Poor Mark, he's one of the few black guys w/ no rhythm and it literally took all day for him to learn the dance.  Meanwhile, the heat is really doing a number on everyone.  Then for the detour, the teams had to decorate an elephant or...I forget cuz everyone chose the elephant.  In the end, the Airforce guy and wife hit the mat first and Mark and Bopper came in last but...it's another non-elimination leg.  Ok.  So the teams stayed in India and the first thing they have to do is find a barber under a tree.  It seemed there was only one.  That was lucky.  The teams were given the option of doing a fast forward.  Since there've been so many, it now falls to the last 3 teams.  Big Brother couple race to the fast forward and find it's the shaving the head thing.  Rachael decides her hair is all she's got to contribute to her beauty and she's not wrong.  So they go back to the roadblock where all the other teams are except Mark and Bopper.  The roadblock has 1 person making coconut fibre rope and it seems the men all decide to do it.  I love the men complaining how it's making their hands bleed.  I'll bet those Indians thought those white people were total pampered wussbags.  I love that the divorced couple fight the whole time but still get the tasks done.  They left the roadblock 2nd because the Airforce guy and wife seem to be perfect at everything.  Anyway, while running for a taxi, Vanessa does a faceplant on the pavement and twists her ankle.  She thinks it's more than that but it turns out, she's just a drama queen wussbag.  For the detour, the teams can either pack and ship crates of ginger or clean up after elephants.  The border patrol guys are trying to convince Big Brother team to go back to the fast forward.  Meanwhile, Mark's getting IV fluids after the grueling previous day.  They're more than 3 hours behind the other teams and still have a speed bump they have to do.  Back at the detour, everyone except the border patrol guys does the hauling elephant dung thing and Vanessa decides to count Big Brother's loads instead of just concentrating on her own task.  That may be the reason why they're so slow at tasks.  Anyway, Mark and Bopper have to paint a dancer's belly for their speed bump and they run to the fast forward.  Here's the hilarious part because the head shavers can't find any hair to shave on Mark's head.  After all that, they couldn't overcome their impediments and came in last and were out of the race.  The Airforce guy and wife came in first again.  Wow!  I wonder if they'll keep it up to the end?

The Celebrity Apprentice had the teams doing a presentation for Trump's cologne.  Aubrey takes the project manager job for Unanimous and Clay is made the PM for Forte.  It just seems the rotations just don't sync on Forte cuz this would've been good for Dyana to do but she did the task the week before last.  Well ok.   As you can guess, Aubrey takes the ball and just runs w/ it.  She tries some suck up points by asking Eric Trump to model for a silouette for the presentation.  It looked dumb.  She tried to do a mock up of the NY city skyline but it just looks like car grilles.  Obviously, Aubrey's not as posh as you would think because when George points out the building looks like a Rolls Royce grille, she gives him a blank look.  Meanwhile, on Forte, even though he's not the leader, Penn's pushing his idea for the task and the team goes w/ it because nobody has any aesthetic creativity.  Dyana does what she does best and models for an ad picture that looks sappy and stupid.  For some odd reason, the team decides not to show the man in the picture even though the cologne is for men.  Their hook line is, "You earned it."  It sounds pretentious.  If they had only made it, "You've earned it."  It would've put a different meaning to it.  On Unanimous, Aubrey has decided on, "Trust your instinct" which Arsenio found by browsing Trump's website.  She immediately and forever takes credit for the thought.  How very gracious of her.  On Forte, the task is about done and in the last 10 minutes, Dyana suggests they do a brochure.  Oh sure, like they have time to bang that out.  Aubrey's presentation is well done and she actually lets the other people on her team say something.  Forte has the most awkward presentation I've ever seen.  The win goes to Aubrey but she is told she didn't run away w/ it so therefore doesn't win the huge grand prize.  I have a feeling Trump was going to use the display but decided not to.  Clay is slammed for all the shortcomings of the task but in the end Penn is fired for coming up w/ everything.  Penn's look of relief is so obvious and you can tell he's thinking, "Thank the gods cuz I need to get to my real job."  I have to ask, was all that gushing over Dyana's picture really necessary?  I think Trump's just giving a really good sell job on her to justify her still being there.  Ok, so last week, the teams had to do a jingle and a live commercial for Big Al's.  No, he's not a gigolo, it's a roadside service thing.  Arsenio takes the PM job on Unanimous and Dyana, who has no music talent whatsoever, takes the PM for Forte cuz it's her turn.  Great!  Poor Arsenio, he can't be in 2 places at once so whenever his back is turned, Aubrey just runs roughshod.  He does a good job of recording the jingle and since Aubrey volunteers for everything, he lets her do a lot.  Meanwhile, Teresa is proving to be as useful as a jumprope to a quadriplegic.  On Forte, Dyana is one of those bosses who doesn't realize she's useless and just gets in everyone's way.  Really?  You interrupt a music artist when he's trying to work on your jingle?  That is so frustrating and Clay showed a ton of restraint cuz I would've strangled Dyana w/ a piano wire.  Meanwhile, Lisa works on the lyrics.  I love Dyana trying to suggest a whole sentence more to stuff into a musical phrase.  Not gonna happen girl.  I give Lisa kudos cuz she only blew up at Dyana once.  For the presentations, Arsenio and Teresa did a sketch that led into the commercial.  Thank the gods for Arsenio because he kept the sketch moving along and funny when Teresa started to jump the tracks.  Aubrey's idea for cheerleaders saving the day was kind of stupid.  Forte just did a radio like production w/ no sketch and it went well until Dyana hopped onstage in plain clothes, introduced herself and said thank you.  It's like when a great party is ending and the host asks you to help clean up or contribute money.   Awkward!  Needless to say, Arsenio's team won and Aubrey tried to take credit.  So on to the massacre!  All it took was Dyana complaining that her team wasn't supportive of her and Lisa let her have it right between the eyes.  I love Lisa.  She doesn't give any gratuitous flattery, she doesn't beat around the bush and she doesn't do subterfuge.  She just comes out w/ guns blazing and the people go down.  This time,  there was no Trump skirt to hide behind.  Trump realized he rode that Miss Universe horse as far as it could go and Dyana was fired.  Yay!  Even a 1 yr old baby doesn't get carried as much as she did.  Also, it's not bullying when it's the truth and done defensively.

RuPaul's Drag Race had it's finale.  The final 3 did their usual video w/ Rupaul and also their weird talk/lunch.  Is it just me or is Rupaul looking heavier this year but not when he's out of drag?  The final lip synch involved all 3 girls and I have to say, I think Sharon Needles did the best.  So did they announce the winner?  No, they decided to do another show bringing back all the girls.  Ok.  It was a reunion which also included some Q & A, lots of cheering from the audience and introducing everybody and their dog.  Yeah, whatever.  In the end, the judges agreed w/ me and Sharon Needles won.  Cool!  She's the first white guy to win.

The Biggest Loser had it's live finale and I have to admit, I didn't watch it on TV.  I just watched some of it on the net.  First, the network had to split the last episode into 2 to make up for the lost episodes due to people quitting the show.  Good Lord!  The next to last episode consisted of Conda and Kim standing around while all the non-quitter eliminated fatties did 3 challenges to see who would get that last spot.  I smell a rat!  Usually the people have to prove themselves by running a marathon because at this point, they should be pretty fit.  Yeah, but what do you do when you're not fit and still a fattie?  Oh, do challenges that involve a short sprint, using your brain and endurance that doesn't involve moving.  If they had ended w/ the sprint, Jeremy wouldn't have had a chance.  At this point though, I can't stand any of these people so I didn't really care who won.  Jeremy outlasted Michael standing on the post.  For the finale, all the contestants came back w/ only about 4 looking fit.  Emily was wearing so many support garments, her boobs stuck out like torpedoes and looked kind of scary.  Michael won the at home prize.  I liked that footage of the last 3 at home wasn't shown.  Probably because it proved they didn't work out. Kim and Conda looked the same as they did in the end of the season episode.  You have to remember, they had the whole time during the showing of the season to lose more weight before the live finale.  Jeremy and Conda still have double chins but Jeremy looked like he may have skipped the last couple of meals and won.  BFD, I couldn't have cared less.  I always say, it's better to be fat and fun than skinny and bitchy.  Too bad all the contestants were fat and annoying from the beginning cuz they ended up thinner but still annoying.  All I can say is, thank the gods I don't have to see them again.

Survivor: One World has the tribe down to 6 women and Tarzan.  It's the episode I hate the most; the family or friend reunion.  You'd think these people had been on the island for 6 years instead of 6 weeks.  We hear Kat saying weird incestuousy stuff about her cousin and Tarzan and his wife's reunion needed to be behind a screen to keep the audience from cringing.  Christina had a sob story about kidney transplant and her Father.  Yeah, whatever.  For the luxury challenge, the family member or friend and the survivor have to untie knots in a rope and then untangle themselves from a long ropey puzzle on a log thing.  Yes, it's been done and more than once.  We see where all the brains are in the family and Kat and her cousin win.  Wow!  He must be brilliant.  She gets to invite 2 survivors and their guest on a picnic and she goes w/ her popular vote and takes Kim and Alicia w/ her.  This is where we find Alicia isn't out of the loop but is playing the throw-away vote game.  She's still regarded as despicable and is resembling big foot's sister.  We also notice Kim is sporting a mustache.  Revoltin Colton was the girl on the men's tribe.  Maybe Kim was the man on the women's tribe.  Hmmm...something to think about.  Back at camp, Sabrina's all high on her horse and saying she would've chose Tarzan and Christina for the reward.  Uh huh...right.  She proceeds to whine about the unfairness to everybody including the 3 after they return from the picnic.  I notice the guests didn't have to spend the night at camp.  I'm guessing there were complaints in the past.   For the Immunity, the contestants had to stand on a log holding a rope behind them while Jeff cranked a wheel that increased their face to ocean angle.  Kim won even after listening to Kat begging her to let her have the win.  I'm guessing Kim's going to win all the immunity to the end.  Anyway, at camp, there's women's names thrown around; Sabrina, Christina, Alicia and Kat.  Hmmm...is Tarzan really in that good a spot?  He's playing a whily game cuz he proves himself weak at challenges, annoying at camp and usable by the women.  At tribal council, Troy is shooting daggers out of his eyes from the jury.  This time people aren't so honest so no names are mentioned for the vote.  Kat tells Jeff she likes blindsides because they're fun and exciting.  On to the vote.  It seems the whole tribe voted for Kat and we're LOL at her sobbing as she leaves.  Yep, she was right.  That was fun and exciting.  Jeff's trying not to laugh in her face as he extinguishes her torch.  The video of Ponderosa is even better cuz we get a lot of footage of Kat bawling her eyes out and whining to the ousted men that she got the worst blindside.  Uh huh...cry me a river dummy.

America's Next Top Model went to Macau.  The girls have to walk in gowns again and again we see Catherine still can't walk.  The 2 lone Americans can't get along but have to room w/ each other.  Ugh...I'd hate that.  Then for the photo shoot the girls have to model silk gowns w/ silkworms on them.  At least the worms aren't running around or trying to crawl or fly into noses and ears.  In the end Catherine is eliminated.  For a photo, maybe you shouldn't do the diner waitress pose.

As you can tell, I usually don't watch reality shows that just follow people around in their lives.  The only one I can watch for the whole time is Ice Loves Coco.  Maybe it's because they seem real.  Ice is so not into most of the stuff Coco wants to do and Coco blithely goes through life knowing no matter how stupid she is, Ice truly loves her.  I really love the scenes when Coco's trying to make Ice eat more healthy and he's not doing it.  Instead he hides junky unhealthy food all over the house and proceeds to dig in.  I love it.  Also, the love between the couple seems genuine and not put on for the camera.  Yo Karcrashians.  Maybe we'd believe you if you were believable.

Well, that's about it.  The season is winding down but I think other shows are coming up for the summer.  Hopefully so; otherwise I'll go through withdrawal.  We'll see huh?  Stay tuned.

Uh Oh...Revolting Players.

Hello fellow TV watchers.  It was an interesting week.

The Amazing Race had another episode in Tanzania.  It's nice on the racers and viewers when they stay in a country for a few days.  All that flying everyday does a real number on the racers.  The viewers like it too cuz we get to see the country longer.  The detour had a double u-turn to go w/ it.  The racers could either get and haul water to a person or fix a flat tire on a bicycle.  The Border Patrol guys first tried to make a deal w/ the airforce guy and wife.  The first team to get to the u-turn would u-turn the Big Brother team.  Ok.  The Border Patrol guys thought the water hauling would go quickly until they saw that everybody and their dog in the village had queued up to get water and they were in no hurry.  Yeah, water's a hot commodity in Africa.  As usual, the Airforce guy and wife got through their flat fixing really quickly but didn't use the u-turn.  That was good strategy cuz if you can only use a u-turn once in the race, it's best to save it and also, you don't piss anyone off.  Well, ok.  The Border Patrol guys were really pissed and vowed not to speak to the Airforce guy and wife.  Really?  How old are you anyway?  A funny part of the race was the racers looking for Hillary Clington and thinking it was a person.  For a hot minute, I was afraid we'd have to see the former first lady on the show but nope, it turned out to be a kind of kiosk that had their clue.  Anyway, Big Brother team was u-turned by the Border Patrol guys and the Big Brother team u-turned the divorced couple which was smart cuz they kept someone behind them.  I can't remember what the roadblock was, but it was right up Mark and Bopper's alley cuz they hit the finish mat first.  Unfortunately, for the teachers/fed agent ladies, they couldn't overcome their very late start and speed bump and came in last.  They were gracious in their elimination.  I guess an all girl team isn't going to win it this year.

The Celebrity Apprentice had the celebs doing a muppet improv show.  Oh boy!  Paul Teutal was given the job of project manager for Unanimous by the team.  He was totally not into it.  Lisa took the PM role for Forte and was totally into it.  The teams had to create 2 puppets and then put on the show.  It was all improv from audience suggestions.  Poor Dayana.  She can't find a niche.  Lisa had her make one of the puppets.  I don't know why, but the producers showed a lot of footage of Dayana making her puppet which made her look kind of slow and stupid cuz we were all saying, everybody else whipped out their puppets in 10 minutes and she's taking an hour.  Maybe they just wanted to show her pouty face a lot.  When Eric Trump visited, Dayana hid behind her hair.  On Unanimous, Paul complained of a hurt back and let his team run amok.  I have never seen a more apathetic PM in all the seasons of Apprentice.  Anyway, Aubrey took the emcee role for the puppet show and did a good job of keeping things rolling.  Arsenio showed he was very good at improv and humor and Teresa showed she's slow and dim.  Forte had a backstage blowout before the show.  Dayana asked for something else to do and Lisa pretty much told her she wasn't good for anything cuz nobody had to look pretty.  Oh boy!  You'd think Penn would be a great emcee but I kept wondering why he was sitting down in the audience so much.  Nobody likes long drawn out improv sketches so there should be no sitting down on that job.  So Clay showed his expertise in puppetry which he gained from church.  Lisa tried to keep the show tasteful but failed a little bit causing a little awkward chuckling.  Ok, so in the end, Forte won.  Everybody noticed Paul not in the game anymore and he was given the firing finger.  Yeah, he was done w/ the game when he won almost half a million dollars for his charity in the very first episode.

OMG!  The Biggest Loser was terrible.  It seems the players heard they had come to the point of the show where a past eliminated player can win a spot in the top 3.  They were pissed.  I don't understand why cuz they've done this for the last 3 seasons.  Still, I think they were sick of returning players.  Also, I think Conda and Jeremy really stirred the pot.  The lawyers, host, and trainers all talked to the players giving arguments and showing them signed contracts.  In the end, Buddy and Mark quit the show.  What a break for the other 3 players cuz it significantly cut down the competition and the 2 best players left.  I do have to point out, those 2 guys complained the most about missing their families.  What a bunch of wussbags they chose for this season.  It's not like they're in prison and will never see their families again.  Yeesh.  Because of all the drama, they didn't show the challenge.  It was freakin' stupid.  They brought back the last 3 season's worth of winners.  Then the whole group had to do a mudder obstacle course in less than 20 minutes w/ the prize being 5K for the whole group.  Yeah, nobody tried that hard.  Conda and Jeremy showed they were still fat and uncoordinated.  Needless to say, nobody won anything but a good mudbath.  Ick.  So they showed footage of the trainers taking their frustration out on the last 3 players.  They brought in a new SUV prize and pretty much did a huge commercial for it.  Hello, obvious and sickening at the same time.  At the weigh-in, they had a redline w/ an automatic ousting.  Hee hee!  Conda and Jeremy's plans didn't work this time.  Kim had a heckuva weight loss.  I think they thought she wouldn't lose much since she's in the thin range.  Jeremy fell below the red line and Conda cried her eyes out and declared it unfair.  Really?  You've been manipulating people, votes, weight loss the whole game and you find this unfair.  Whatever!  When are they bringing back another player already?  I'm sick to death of these guys.

Rupaul's Drag Race is down to 3 but god forbid they get on w/ the show.  It was a clip show and behind the scenes footage show.  Actually it was pretty funny and good.  I don't know why, but I find drag queens really fascinating.  I also found out what tucking really entails.  I had no idea a guy could shove his penis inside himself.  Wow!  This show is educational too.  Ooh, I can't wait for the finale.

I have to say Raising Hope had the funniest season finale I've seen for a long time.  Jimmy found,via TV, that his serial killer baby Mama was not dead after all.  He proceeded to faint dead away for a total of 3 times.  It was hilarious and the show was just LOL funny the whole rest of the time.  During the court trial for Hope's custody, Virginia says, "You had to be living under a rock not to know she's a serial killer."  Cue the jury of miners who had been trapped underground for the last 2 years.  OMG, Greg Garcia is a genius.  If he and Chuck Lorre ever get together, it'll be mindblowing.

Survivor: One World featured a paranoid and loopy Troyzan surrounded by men w/ no brains, 2 brilliant women and a few dumb hanger ons.  Sorry Sabrina, but Kim and Chelsea are playing you like a harmonica.  So this time, they have the food and stuff auction.  Leif is the only guy determined to eat and he gets a nasty looking protein shake.  Kat is stupid and determined to eat and seems to claim most of the food.  She couldn't believe she got bacon in her BLT.  What an idiot.  Plastic surgeon in real-life Tarzan says he's saving his money for car brakes.  Right.  Suddenly letters from home are brought out and the price is set at $500, by Alicia, which is how much money each player received for the auction.  Kim bought a shower and peanutbutter and chocolate.  I think I'd go for that too.  Tarzan gave up his brake money for the letter.  Then Jeff brought out an immunity challenge advantage.  Everybody's telling Christina to bid against Troy because in this season, they can't pool their money.  She gives it up and Troy bought the only item worth bidding on in this game.  Man are these people stupid.  In case you were feeling sorry for those who didn't get any food, the last item was a cake that was to be shared w/ the whole tribe.  Whatever!  On to the immunity challenge, the survivors had to first untie a bunch of knots, then 4 of them moved on to bounce coconuts into targets.  Now they're using games from earlier this season.  Wow!  The originality has gone totally out the window.  Troy takes the victory and proceeds to dance.  If those girls were any kind of good actresses, they'd have cheered and clapped for him.  They're not good actresses at all and only succeeded in reinforcing Troy's idea that he's a target for ousting.  Troy also goes  immunity idol hunting and makes it look like he's found it.  Good bluffing, dude!  At tribal, the survivors once again say who they're voting for.  OMG!  They're so stupid!  I don't know why Leif looked so surprised when his name came up and he was voted out.  I don't know what game Tarzan's playing but he keeps pointing out to the guys that they're getting picked off one by one but then votes for a guy.  He does know the votes are to eliminate someone doesn't he?

America's Next Top Model had the girls ganging up on Kyle again.  There's something we're not seeing.  First the girls did PSA's against bullying.  That seems to be the buzzword this year.  I guess it's better than breast cancer.  Yeesh.  How about parents teach their kids to respect other people just for being people and to act respectable?  How about adults just act respectable and respect other people?  No, we have to have PSA's to prove to the other countries of the world how trashy we are.  Ugh.  Anyway, the Brits won the challenge.  For the photoshoot, the girls had to booty tooch during a weird dinner gone wrong scenario w/ a celebrity who I've never heard of in the picture too.  My favorite shot was the one girl shoving a handful of pie in another girl's face.  Hilarious!  I have a feeling the girls were told to try to keep the garments they were wearing, clean cuz they didn't seem as free as they could've been.  It looked very difficult.  The table was full of food and stuff and people were sitting or standing close by in fancy clothes.  You could read on the model's faces, "I hope I don't slip or poke someone w/ my heels."  In the end, a Brit girl won and an American was sent home; or was it the other way around?  I can't remember.

I'm looking forward to the TV Land Awards this coming Sunday and The Closer returning for it's last few episodes.  They say they have a spin-off in the works.  I hope so.  Until next time people; stay tuned.

You Go Girls!

Hello to all my fellow TV junkies. Even though the reality competition shows are a little sparse, they're pretty good.

The Amazing Race went to Tanzania. No, it's not South America, it's Africa. Vanessa iterated America's animosity toward Rachel and gave her quite a few verbal shots below the belt, while at the airport. Since I hate that Big Brother show, I didn't know Rachel. All I have to say is, when Vanessa says she's better looking and skinnier than Rachel, she's not lying. I loved Bopper cramming free candy into his pocket at the travel agency. The border patrol guys blew the fed agent ladies cover to the other racers. You know how you can tell they're not teachers? They're not poor and insane. Anyway, the teams all landed in Africa together but then had to take turns taking charter flights to the middle of nowhere. There, they had to ride bikes to the detour. They could either throw native clubs at a target or jump for 1 minute. Those crafty producers failed to tell the teams exactly what they had to do before they chose which one they wanted to do because it's much easier and faster to just jump for 1 minute. Only people like Stephen Hawking would fail at that. So of course the people who chose the jumping got through faster. For some reason, Vanessa couldn't get the hang of riding the bike but it was a boys bike. The airforce guy and wife have great navigational skills because they always get to the next destination first. For the roadblock, the teams had to set up a tent and camp shower. I think they were literally setting up their own sleeping quarters for the pitstop. Oh joy! I'd be making Ex-lax brownies for the producers for that one. The Airforce guy and wife hit the mat first and won yet another trip. The teachers/fed agents came in last but it turned out to be a non-elimination. They live to race another day. You go girls!

On The Celebrity Apprentice, the teams had to make a commercial for some coupon phone app. Teresa Giudice took the project manager position for her team and Dayana took the PM for her's. As usual, the first thing done is giving the money to charity from the last task. At least it wasn't a kid again. This time Arsenio gave the money announcement via videochat to Magic Johnson. I can't believe that guy is still alive. I guess you don't die of AIDS anymore. Why are we giving money to that then? The most surprising thing to see was Aubrey actually shutting up. It was so nice not to hear her voice for most of the show. For once, the other team members were able to give their suggestions. So Unanimous' commercial consisted of a Dad overhearing his daughter and boyfriend talking about the app which sounds like hanky panky. You can tell it's Aubrey's idea because it's all about double entendre. They used Paul as the Dad and he did a really good job. I especially loved him growling and grinding his teeth w/ his ear to the door. I LOL'ed at that one. After all the shooting, Clay and Arsenio did the editing and over-voicing. On the other team, once again, Penn only had a couple of hours w/ the team before he had to go do his real job. The thing about Penn is, he's so intelligent, he not only has ideas ready to go but can also give the plan to carry them out. So he throws out the idea to have a couple go all the way from meeting to planning a family using the coupon App. Lou's not happy that they didn't let him star in the commercial. Really? We want to see an old guy meet and do family planning? Ew. Also, it had a lot of dialogue and his speaking voice isn't that great. The commercial would've been great if the guy they chose wouldn't have seemed like such a dweeb. His last line in the commercial is ,"A baby carriage?" while searching coupons and nuzzling the girl's neck. It was more creepy than cute. You could see everybody squirm when they saw it; even Trump. On Unanimous, the only time Aubrey looked like trouble was when Ivanka visited to see how the team was doing. She asked about the theme of the commercial and Aubrey proceeded to do the sell job leaving Teresa w/ her mouth in pre-sentence position. It pissed off Ivanka and Ivanka gave it to Aubrey between the eyes in the boardroom. You can tell Clay and Arsenio have production experience because their commercial was really done well. You can tell Lisa has no production experience because her commercial looked amateur and choppy. Needless to say, Teresa's team won. Meanwhile on Forte, everybody expressed happy satisfaction w/ their commercial except Lou. Uh oh. One thing we've learned is, Trump hates disloyalty. In front of Trump, I don't care if the Kool-aid is made of piss, you declare it the best stuff on earth and proceed to drink it. Then Lou and Lisa had 10 rounds in the ring. Oh boy! It was great! Lou's been subversive and highlighting his handicap the whole season and has been getting away w/ it. We found brains beat brawn and I'm declaring Lisa the champ. You go girl! By the time Trump dropped the guillotine on Lou, everybody was cheering for it like a mob of French peasants. Bye Lou! See if someone can clone your brain for you so you'll have 2 cells.

The Food Network is banking on the popularity of their Chopped show by having their own celebrity chefs compete. I wasn't too impressed since it was the Iron Chefs. Don't they have an unexpected ingredient and time limit on every show? Whatever. The network needs new producers w/ new ideas. These producers are old and so are their ideas and shows. Also, we're starting to point and laugh at their owned celebrity chefs.

RuPaul's Drag Race is down to the Fab 4. First the girls had to dress up puppets and do a little dialogue w/ them. It was hilarious and cute. This time Chad McMicheals won. Yes, I finally learned her name. Then they brought in really cute dogs. The challenge was to make 3 looks inspired by the dogs and they also had to make a look for the dog. I loved that the smallest girl got the biggest dog and the biggest girl got the smallest dog. How funny is that? When it came to the judging, Rose McGowan and Wynonna Judd, in her fat suit, were on hand. Eek! It's Michele Visage looking all witchy complete w/ a big hook nose. All the outfits were cute but I'm a terrible fashion judge. Sharon Needles won and Latrice and Chad landed in the bottom to lip synch for their lives. Chad proceeded to dance spritely around Latrice, and won. Hey, give a big girl a break. She can't move so much. Bye Latrice. We'll miss you.

The Biggest Loser fatties were still in Washington D.C. We had to endure a 3rd of the show looking at the first lady's big scary teeth and cheshire cat smile. I wasn't impressed. It's a campaign year. Those politicians will have their family poop on camera if it'll help their popularity and we all know what media hogs that Obampa family is. Chris called her hubby who whined that he missed her and wished she were home. Whatsa matter weenie guy? Tired of cooking your own meals? People don't believe you when you say you have a wife cuz you're weird and kind of an ugh? So she proceeds to feel terrible and eat her bad feelings away. Oh boy did she eat! She ate the bad stuff: Mayo and peanutbutter on a cheeseburger. She didn't really eat as much as I've seen some porkers eat but she ate a lot for someone who's shrunk her stomache for 14 weeks. During her workout, she's looking sullen which makes Bob ask the obvious question which then leads to her whining and crying. Oh shut up! This show is not the rest of your life and you have a chance to win a buttload of money. This season should be called wussbag Jr. High fatties. They had a challenge that didn't really matter cuz the prize was a gym for the winner's town. Whatever! I'm smelling tax write-offs and cheap producers. I would've skipped it. As it was, I don't think anybody really tried that hard. At the weigh-in, Kim and Chris landed at the bottom w/ nobody surprised about Chris, and Kim not looking worried at all. You had to be a total idiot not to know Chris would be voted out. I didn't even really watch the voting because we all knew it would be insincere crying and words. Whatever. Bye Chris, I'm sending you a crate of Mayo and peanutbutter for your pathetic life.

I have to say, Mike and Molly and Raising Hope had the funniest episodes this week. I watched each of them 3 times just to get all the jokes and it was great! Another show I like a lot is Rules of Engagement. CBS loves to move it around and put it on hiatus for long periods and just generally drive us crazy. When it does show, it's worth hunting it down. Patrick Warburton and David Spade are comedy gold. They could kill off Oliver Hudson's show wife and we'd never notice. Hudson has finally learned to use facial expressions and deliver his lines w/out sounding cartoonish. The Indian guy is funny too and fills that minority niche in this all white ensemble.

Survivor: One World, AKA Buffoon Island, began w/ the survivors all expressing regret about Micheal going except Troy. Oh yeah, we believe that. Whatever. The men discuss and ask, "Do you think the women are going to vote us out?" OMG, these people are dumber than... I can't think of anything dumber than these guys. Troy is starting to wake up from his sleeping beauty daze and seeing the strong men are being ousted. Oh boy! Time to tell someone you have the hidden immunity idol. What a total retard move. OMG! Jay's so dumb he actually believes the women who say they're not voting for him. Get a clue Jay. Only one girl actually looked at you when they said that. Jeff Probst must've had a vacation day or fighting dysentery because the survivors had to run their own challenge. It consisted of throwing bolos for points. Tarzan's group won a huge fish and chicken BBQ. Jay tried to find out what Kat was thinking and found she doesn't have a thought in her head. Jay thought he was in charge of something and talked to people about voting out Alicia. Uh huh. Jay's an idiot. For the immunity challenge it was that line tied to the arm tied to a bucket above the head thing. The fun thing is, Jeff brings out various snacks to tempt the survivors. I was hoping there were rocks in the buckets but no, just the usual paint mixed w/ water. The Survivors were so stupid, they ate everything and let the daintiest girl win. Whatever. Don't these people at least want to win a challenge for pride and security? Back at camp, Jay blabs to Kim that Troy has an immunity idol. Shut up, right now! Too late. At tribal we hear a lot of stupid blather and the usual, "The Game is afoot." from Tarzan. Troy wisely used his hidden immunity idol but nobody was surprised. The only one surprised that Jay was voted out was Jay. Even the people who didn't vote for him weren't surprised. Bye Jay, go dig up a brain cell so you'll have one. Man, these people are dumb.

America's Next Top Model is down to 9 girls w/ the Americans up by one. Tyra decided to do a teach on booty tooches. Azmarie decided she was too good for it. Bad move girl. In the modeling world, you're paid to do what other people tell you to do to sell their product. I have to say, even I learned something in this teach. Then last year's winner, Lisa, showed up. This time she wasn't drunk. However, she did show up w/ her usual scary face. How come she looks 40? Anyway, the girls had to do group music videos. I loved it. This time their lyrics were written for them and they really didn't have to sing. Rap is so good for people who can't carry a tune. The Brits emulated the Spice Girls and did a really good job w/ lots of energy and fun. The Americans couldn't decide if they were Wilson Philips or Pussycat Dolls so were kind of awkward and all over the place. How come everybody picks on Kyle? In case they don't notice, she's the most high fashion of the Americans. In the end, the Brits won and that black girl who says she comes from a rough part of England won. I didn't know there were rough parts of England. I'll bet they're nice compared to our rough parts. Ever been to Detroit or Harlem? Yeesh. I'm glad to see Tyra's not showing blatant favoritism this week. Just as I predicted, Azmarie was sent home for acting too cool for school. Time to get off your high horse. BTW, good luck getting modeling jobs cuz at 24, you're a little old to start modeling.

Well, that's it for this week. It's disappointing to see who's showing re-runs already. I miss the days when actors actually wanted to work. They must be paying them too much. See ya next time! Stay tuned!

Summarizing and Ranting

The reality shows are getting sparse due to the upcoming summer months. So I'll do my usual wrap up and then I wanna comment on some crazy stuff I've noticed.

The Amazing Race was thrown over for stupid basketball. Boooo!

The Celebrity Apprentice had 2, 2 shows in one. First the celebs had to make some promotional book for the City of New York and then sell copies for charity. Dee Snyder was project manager for the men and Teresa Giudice was PM for the women. This oughtta be interesting considering Teresa's from New Jersey. As usual, the men worked well together taking their promotional pics from the top of Trump tower. This is genius because not only did they really get the picture of their whole area (respectively) but they didn't have to travel around to do it. It probably took all of an hour to take all of the pictures and no navigating in traffic. The women decided to do specific places and proceeded to take cheesy pictures of themselves in delis, parks, shops, etc. They also did it w/ the usual disrespect of one another as usual. While putting the book together, Lisa Lampinelli managed to get into it w/ all the women she had no respect for w/ plenty of put-downs and cursing and not in a fun way. Then the teams had to sell them. The PM's had started the task by telling their teams they needed to raise a lot of money. Yo! Obvious called and said he's taking a crap in your face. Anyhoo, various celebs showed up w/ money, the celebs also hawked their ware on the street to the dumbest street people I've ever seen. Couldn't find any chic good looking New Yorkers willing to sign the TV appearance waiver? The Blue Man Group showed up for the men and shot money out of busted balloons which caused all the street people to scramble and shove for the money. That was uber-stupid and Clay didn't like it at all. Arsenio was banking on the blank check from Jay Leno which showed up too late to be counted. Y'know, if it's that important, have someone in your office open the door and accept the check before opening hours. OMG, that was the lamest excuse I've ever heard and totally told America how lazy his people are. Regis Philbin showed up to judge the books. I can't believe this guy is still alive. Wasn't his first home in the Garden of Eden? In the Boardroom, we find Regis liked the women's book the best but the men still won the task by $14. I LOL when they announced the money amount for the men last and the whole room stayed blank and silent. I guess nobody is good at math ha ha ha. They got rid of Takei too early har har. I don't know what kind of kool-aid Aubrey's mixing up but the women seem to drink it every week. Aubrey brought in the least amount of money cuz she's less of a celebrity than she thinks, but still wasn't brought into the final 3 boardroom. Dayana, Deb and Teresa faced the Don. Dayana wisely kept her trap shut and let Deb and Teresa go at each other. Everybody noticed. In the end, Debbie Gibson was kicked out microphone and all. Hey Deb, go get your skin ironed and hair recolored because you're going to need it for your comeback. Then they opened the 2nd half of the show w/ Dee giving the charity money to the usual...who the hell are these people? There seems to be a theme of giving the money to kids or unknown people who aren't the founders or heads of the charities. It's really weird w/ a tinge of fraudulence. The teams are mixed up w/ Arsenio, Clay, Paul, Aubrey and Teresa on team Forte. Lou, Lisa, Penn, Dayana and Dee are team Unanimous. The task is to do a promotional live sketch for Walgreens walking thing. Lou and Arsenio decide to take the PM positions. Poor Arsenio. With Aubrey on his team, he can't get a word in edgewise. She pretty much steamrolls everything from the script to the cube to the banner w/ the guys sitting there saying...uh uh uh. Meanwhile, Teresa's the potted plant in the corner as usual. On Lou's team, Lisa shows much admiration for Penn who gives a lot before leaving to do a show elsewhere. Lou always insists on being the vocal spokesperson even though his intellect and diction isn't good. Oh well, who wants to fight w/ the incredible hulk anyway? They cut out a lot of footage of Dee doing his job because one minute he's saying I'll do the banners and cube and there it is. All the guys are enamored by Dayana and Lisa's feeling like the homely smart girl in high school. Suck it up Lisa cuz you're not cute but you aren't dumb either. When the presentations are done, Ali Sweeney doing cross promotion is there to judge. Forte does a gameshow thing that makes no sense but is informative. Unanimous has Lou telling the world how walking is good for his decrepit steroid battered joints. Penn accidentally says Walmart followed by an audible gasp from everyone including a canned audience groan but Dayana does a good cover-up dumb pageant girl joke. In the boardroom we find Ali and the Walgreens guys didn't like Dee's humor on the banner or the blandness of the promotional cube and Forte is declared the winner. But not before Arsenio totally exposes Aubrey the steamroller to Trump. Aubrey fails to show up w/ her team in the suite. I picture her crying in the corner w/ her drag queen make-up melting off. So in the boardroom Lou, Dee and Dayana are in to face the Don. Dee faces the fact that it was his 2 parts of the task that sucked and he got the firing finger. Bye Dee. Hope your hand heals ok. Hey he made more money on his one task than some people who won 2. The questions for next week are; Will we see Aubrey w/her make-up melted off? Will we see Aubrey at all? Will Aubrey finally shut up? Miracles can happen.

On RuPaul's Drag Race, Ru brought back one of the ousted contestants to the dismay of the final four. It turned out to be the short petite Puerto Rican. Sorry, but I'm not good at remembering names; not even these outlandish ones. First the girls had to dress up teddy bears in drag. I have to say, they were all cute w/ clever names. The returned girl won but all the bears were to be auctioned off for charity. I'm tellin' ya, the charities are really cleaning up these days, from the shows. Then 5 brawny straight guys were brought in. The girls challenge was to drag up these guys to be siblings and they had to be pregnant. OMG, these guys were quite a mix. Sharon Needles guy was freaky, horny and weird caressing the fake boobs w/ a horny wicked gleam in his eyes; Ew. Phi Phi's guy was really nice, into doing well w/ the task at hand and accepting of the drag and gay life. The shorty Puerto Rican's guy was really good looking but looked like he really wasn't into the whole thing. They must've promised him a lot of money to be on the show. I think they wanted at least 1 pretty boy in the group. Marsha or whatever that Cher impersonator girl's name is had a boring guy who needed a shave. Latrice ended up w/ a really nice black guy but they wasted a lot of time getting all chummy. They all had to teach a strip tease routine to their guys and it was absolutely hilarious. So in the end, Phi Phi Ohara and her guy really looked good and he gave it his all. They won. It came down to Latrice and the returned shorty to lip synch for their lives. Bye Bye Shorty. Next time leave your wig on. I really loved when the queens returned to the stage for the last dance and started hitting each other w/ their preg pillows. Talk about LOL! I have to ask, how come Michele Visage looks more like a KISS band member each week. Also, she's not getting any cuter either. I don't know who Santino's trying to fool w/ those headscarves under the hats. We know you're balding dude get that ugly hair cut and styled right.

The Biggest Loser is down to the last 6 contestants. We start w/ Conda crying over ousting her friend. Yeah, so what. It's makeover week but first a challenge. The contestants had to climb a cargo net to get to balls that they took one at a time to a giant slingshot and then they had to shoot the ball at pics of their fat former selves painted on 2 paned windows. Hmmm...how come Conda and Jeremy don't look that different? How come it's been 2 months and Conda and Jeremy still have double chins? Ok, well the prize for winning is a 1 pound advantage and the penalty for coming in last is a 1 pound disadvantage. I guess the producers are tired of people coasting cuz they don't think the win prize is worth it. Buddy wins the advantage and Conda comes in last. For the makeovers, the fatties learn they're going to Washington DC to meet a media hog who looks like a drag queen w/ big buck teeth: The First Lady. The makeovers are quite amazing and I think they had extra strength girdles for Conda and Jeremy. Kim, Mark and Chris have the most amazing makeovers w/ Chris looking 20 years younger than she used to. I found out she really is 42 and she used to look 65. They shaved off Mark's uglier than ugly goat beard and he actually looked halfway intelligent. So everybody and their families are waiting for Mrs. Bummer to show up and they say..."To be continued." Good, I didn't want to see her anyway. I was able to keep my dinner from coming up.

America's Next Top Model has gone AWOL this week.

Survivor: One World is continuing it's theme of the island of retards. Everybody is still confused as to which tribe they're loyal to due to the quick switch ups. One thing that's missing this season is footage of what the people do all day so it looks like they lay around, eat and look blank. Really? Where does the food come from? So from the minute they get tree-mail, it's a whole commercial for 7-up. The script for the day must've said, "Fit the words 7-up anywhere you can." Before the luxury challenge the group shared a bottle of...you guessed it. The challenge had the group split into 2 groups and lugging big wood cratelike things from the water to a platform and then completing a puzzle that consisted of those crates. I think we've seen this one before too. For god's sake, get a new college grad on your concepts team and come up w/ something new. So the team of Sabrina, Michael, Kim, Lief and Christina won. I was just glad Alicia didn't win. You know the show is getting boring when you don't root for a person to win but instead root for someone not to win. Sounds like the upcoming presidential elections. Anyway, they really showed the winning team enjoying their BBQ lunch w/ the sponsor's beverage. Then Kim and Sabrina laid on the floor and talked strategy in front of the others. Now I'm not sure if the other 3 were chewing too loud or what but I don't know how they couldn't hear them. The next day at camp, it's raining cats and dogs and the drama is over Tarzan using the bamboo from the wall for the fire. I love the conversation that Tarzan has w/ Chelsea asking if she resents him for being a plastic surgeon because she got a bad boob job. OMG. I'll bet he can tell from 5 miles away who's had one. I'd like to know, how come they can't carve themselves combs? Primitive people have been doing that for centuries w/out knives or machetes. Yeesh. For the immunity challenge, the survivors had to first get a ring from one end of a log to the other strung on a big rope. You can tell this part is constructed particularly for the morons cuz Alicia ends up in the final four. Then the final four get to put together a complicated puzzle. When I saw it, I said it was going to take all day and according to the shadows, it did. I think halfway through, I would've started just packing the wood pieces into my shorts for firewood back at camp. Jay won which tells you the whole thing was about luck because he's dumber than a box of rocks which makes him only slightly more intelligent than Kat. The only thing I cared about was, Alicia didn't win. So there's a lot of right out loud strategy talking w/ everybody still confused about sticking w/ their gender alliance or their mixed tribe alliance. Meanwhile, the audience is bored out of their gourds. At tribal we find nobody thinks they're being voted out. Jeff has to point out to these idiots that someone will be voted out. The only person who looks like they have any brain cells is Jonas on the jury. After a lot of dumb blather, and voting; Michael is voted out. Man, are these men the dumbest guys on earth. BTW, the videos of Ponderosa are really fun to watch and much better than the actual show. Go to CBS.com click on Survivor, then videos and you'll find Ponderosa there.

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes had it's reunion show. Really? We had to see butterface Camilla in the front row? Ick. The only fun person on the show turns out to be CT who eggs on everybody. We see behind the scenes footage that's boring because they did a show called "Shit They Didn't Show" already. They rehashed issues that people already hashed over on the Facebook site. We find Lesbo exes are really boring. The only fun part was finding Paula got dumped for cheating on her boyfriend during the show. Really? He didn't like that? It would've really been fun if Paula had shown up w/ full blown Herpes or something. The Miz is a terrible host. Meatheads usually are and his 15 minutes of fame have been wasted. I don't care how old Mark gets, he still has charisma. They should have him host the challenges and not make him participate anymore.

NBC has a new reality gameshow called Escape Routes. It's the dumbest show I've seen in a long time w/ teams of couples just playing blown up party games and then not going away. I'm already over it.

Okay, so on to the ranting. I'd like to know if Bobby Flay is the only celeb the Food Network has or if his ego is so big he thinks he has to be on every freakin' show they have. He's on Worst Cooks in America, Iron Chef America, 3 shows of his own, The Next Iron Chef, The Next Food Network Star and then pops up on everybody else's shows too. OMG! I'm sick to death of him already and Food Network is starting to look like it's run by schmucks. Also, stop with the Diners Drive-ins and Diarrhea show. It's so unoriginal that it's promoting greasy spoons recommended by possum-eating rednecks that have been ridiculed on other channels. How many times can we see a Bubba showing us how he fries a burger, chicken or an egg? There are some cute shows like Heat Seekers, Chopped, Cupcake wars and Best Thing I Ever Ate. On Heat Seekers, the funniest part is the hosts have no heat tolerance and I laugh when I realize I've eaten at those places and had the dishes and didn't think they were that torturous. Whatever. Wussbags! Sweet Genius is merely a Chopped for pastry chefs w/ a really creepy host. I have an idea. Get a contract w/ the Competitive Eating people and start showing their competitions. They're incredible w/ interesting people.

I'd like to know why TV thinks everybody can be a reality star? Really? We gotta watch white trash families fighting over belongings? We have to see poor Hispanics living on $10 a week? We have to see stupid knocked up teens arguing w/ their families and friends? We have to see has been stars from 30 years ago living w/ their 6th spouse? We have to see black people who are ghetto trying to say they're not gangsta? We have to see disgusting decrepit people who should've died 10 years ago? We have to see faux-rich people whine about not knowing what to do w/ themselves when they need to get a real job? Lastly, I'm sick of the dancing shows w/ old people who we're only watching to see when they break a hip. Bring back the writers and make them use their brains. The beauty of scripted comedies or dramas is we can kind of relate to the situations but we know they're not really real. The people who are in the shows have actual talent and if they don't, the show gets cancelled. Directors show their talent by bringing together good script, actors, blocking and editing and making it fun and believable. Other peoples' lives aren't that interesting in real life.

Alright that's it for now. I will however, save my soapbox for another time. Meanwhile people, let's enjoy some outlandish but cool stuff on H2 about Ancient Aliens or evil people in the past. Or how about evil outlandish people on I.D.? Meanwhile, I'll be watching. Until next time! Stay tuned.

Cute But Stupid

Hello TV Landers. Summer's coming and the shows are wrapping up one by one. It's kind of sad because then we're left w/ lame voyeuristic shows depicting shallow stupid people living their dumb lives. Okay, well, we'll enjoy the competition shows as long as we can.

I'm not sure why, but CBS is rerunning a lot of Lorre's shows. It's making Mondays a little sad. Oh well.

Rupaul's Drag Race has had a really interesting cast this season. Call me crazy but I love getting makeup tips from these guys. On this episode, the girls got a cocktail and then had to decorate a pair of lucite high heels that went w/ the theme of the drink. It was a great commercial for Absolut. Phiphi Ohara won. The elimination challenge had the girls coming up w/ a political but funny platform. Then they did a kind of a parody of those debate shows. I loved the one guy/girl counting down the lights, "Yellow...red, Bam!" Someone put speed in Phiphi Ohara's dinner cuz she had more nervous energy than a freezing chihauha. Everybody else was hilarious and actually made a little sense. For the Runway, Rupaul had the ugliest rainbow dress you ever saw. It looked like she stole someone's beach towel and belted it on. The girls were supposed to look like they were attending their inaugural ball. March Mcmasters or something like that looked elegant and seemed to be a cross between Barbara Stanwyck and Joan Rivers. Sharon Needles went totally off, purposely, and had a see through dress claiming a drag queen wouldn't be elected for a hundred years so she was futuristic. Hmmm...seems plausible. All the other girls decided to look like they were attending the Oscars. So it was the tall black guy/girl w/ the great legs vs. the large black guy/girl w/ the great stage presence to lip synch for their lives. In the end, the tall one w/ the great legs was sent home. Then Rupaul asked the judges to decide which girl would get the chance to come back and included Willam who had been ousted last week for breaking rules. Huh? No!!! Now that's stupid.

On Biggest Loser, the fatties were back from Hawaii and moaning and groaning about leaving vacation. Oh whatever! The first challenge was to shop for 5 minutes for ingredients for a dish. What? It takes me 5 minutes to find the one item I went to the store to find. Anyway, the contestants did pretty well and all made it across the line before time was called. The only thing was, Jeremy planned to make French toast and forgot to get eggs. Hmmm... Then they had 20 minutes to cook their dish. Really? It takes me 20 minutes just to rip packages open after shopping. Contestants from last season were on hand to judge: Becky, Antone and Vinny. I like them as opposed to the dumb cheater chicks who won the season before. When Olivia shows up, it makes me want to smack everyone in the room. The judges pointed out that practically everyone included cheese in their dish. Oh BTW, did I mention the dishes were supposed to be low cal, healthy and tasty? Everybody except Jeremy thought their dish was the best. Everybody was wrong except Kim w/ her stuffed portobello dish. Chris took her criticism of undercooked chicken...not well. Man, Mrs. Santa she's not. This week, the editors made her the irritating character of the show. Everyone is getting their chance this season. So on to scenes of Bob and Dolvett working the heck out of the contestants. I'd like to know, how come everyone is looking pretty good except Conda and Jeremy? I'm thinking their strategy is to lose just enough weight to stay above the yellow line but then they're going to lose a ton when they all go home after the final 3. The next challenge had the fatties loading boxes of Newman's Own onto a truck. I smell a schill here. Personally, I think the prize sucked for all the work they had to do. The prize was a ton of food for the winner's hometown foodbank. BFD. I would've just sat that one out. The whole challenge was one big fat commercial for salad dressing. At the weigh-in the contestants did pretty well. Megan had done a video diary of her working extra hard, eating lightly blah blah blah. She fell below the yellow line w/ Mark. She was voted out. I'll bet those girls are sorry now for scheming to have all girls at the end. They were pretty stupid for telling that plan to Conda since she's on the show w/ her brother. Now that the all girl alliance is gone, I wonder who'll be next.

Survivor: One World contestants are once again living on the same beach. They're one big happy family. Well, not all happy. Tarzan seems to be the misfit who's always misunderstood and just seems to always be underfoot. Jonas is the chief cook and bottlewasher and makes sure to say that to everyone. For the luxury challenge, they split everyone into 2 teams again but not the tribes. It consisted of the survivors one by one digging and fitting under a beam to then dig for a bag of puzzle pieces. Then 2 people had to put it together. Poor Lief, I thought he was going to be stuck under the beam for the whole challenge. Poor Christina is on the same team as Alicia. Oh well, their team wins and they enjoy pizza and beer. During the meal, they also get a note saying a hidden immunity idol is awaiting them at camp. I wonder if the producers had to pry it out of Colton's dead hands. Meanwhile back at camp, Tarzan and Jonas are trying to scheme w/ the men they had been split from. Yeah, guess what. You guys have no chance w/ the jocks ever since Colton shot his mouth off and told them you were all his buddies and the jocks were going to be voted off one by one. Next time, keep your trap shut. So Micheal does a lot of nodding and then rolls his eyes when he turns his back. For some odd reason, Tarzan thinks Alicia will be part of the men's alliance. Uh huh. The next morning, while all the lazy folk are sleeping, Troyzan hunts for the hidden immunity idol and finds it. That little fellow seems to like living in trees. For the immunity challenge, the producers dug out the old balance balls on a tray while balancing on a log thing. Troyzan is having a heckuva winning day cuz he wins this challenge too. One thing I do admire is, Troyzan hasn't told anyone he's found the HII, unlike all the other blabbermouths. So there commences much more scheming that makes no sense because everyone's confused; are they voting w/ the gender alliance or the split tribes? At tribal council, Jonas and Tarzan seem to have caught verbal diarrhea and just say out loud who they're voting for. Now that's stupid! In the end, Jonas was voted out. Man, these people are stupid.

On The Challenge: Battle of the Exes, it finally was the finale. The couples are in iceland and it's totally icy. I can't believe the eating challenge. There's literally a head of what might be a sheep or a deer surrounded by chunks of fat and a large horn full of blood. Icky! I was very surprised no one threw up. So then the couples had to move logs to finish one of those puzzles usually done w/ matchsticks. I'm thinking Ty and Emily don't read much cuz they totally couldn't solve it. The next task was to dig through a bank of snow into a tunnel and digging out the other end. Poor CT, he hit the wall literally. The digging must've taken a lot out of him. Walking to the next task looked like torture for CT and he had to put up w/ Diem verbally dragging him along and hearing Johnny on his heels. He blamed it on slogging through deep snow but it didn't seem that deep and the other couples didn't seem to be having that hard a time w/ it. The next task was to take all the medallions they collected from each task and put them in a wheel. This one I didn't understand. Were they supposed to put them in order of when they received each one or were the symbols some kind of language I didn't understand? Anyhoo, Diem and CT finished first. Then they had to hike up to a flag. Oh boy! Were they done there? No, then they had to hike all the way up to the top of the peak. Poor CT, he was so done that even pokey Camilla butterface passed him and she and Johnny won the grand prize. The nice thing is, all the teams do win money and man did they earn it. Next time CT, eat breakfast before the final part of the challenge. Yeesh!

The Worst Cooks in America are down to 2 people on each team. I love this season. The cooks all seem to try their hardest but really do lack the chef thing called a palate. OMG, some of the flavors they put together are kind of nauseating like vanilla chicken, pineapple tuna, etc. But they all earnestly try. The really hilarious part is the tasting by Anne and Bobby. So this week, the cooks' brother, spouse, kid, wife or whoever they left at home came. The challenge was to make a dish for them and see who got the best review. I thought David would be serving up trichinosis when he put his porkchops in the oven at the 20 minute mark. Oh boy! The black lady made shrimp when she's told everyone she hates making shrimp. Vinny made steak which he claims usually tastes like shoe leather and the white lady made fish. In the end, they all seemed to turn out good and Vinny won. I love that he's always genuinely surprised when he wins. There are no ringers this season. Y'know, I need to start writing things down cuz I can't be sure but I think David was sent home. Well, I guess I'll see tomorrow when it's on again.

The Amazing Race was in one of those Balkan states. The big thing this episode was the fast forward. I didn't know that the racers could only do one so the border patrol guys couldn't do it. So the married airforce couple and the gymrat guys raced to stack hay bales. Okay, if you get to the fast forward and find the other team is already a third way done, for goodness sake, turn around and go quickly to the roadblock. Did the meatheads do that? No. Wow! Stupid! So of course the airforce guy and wife won the fast forward. Meanwhile, the other teams were at a task where one person had to be in a tank in a pool and escape it after it had submerged and turned over. Luckily, of the Kentucky guys, Bopper volunteered to do the task cuz Mark has displayed terrible motion sickness. Nobody wanted to see any puking underwater. As you can imagine, all the other teams were done when the gym guys showed up. Onto the Detour! They could either clean oil off of a hairy guy or hunt for a specially marked apple in a literal carload of apples. The hairy guy cleaning was gross and we heard hilarious comments from the racers. It was totally cringeworthy. For some odd reason, the people thought the mark on the apple was going to be really tiny so they examined each one carefully and the racers who did that task were quite slow. I was really surprised that only one racer ate an apple. My strategy would've been to bite each apple so I'd know which ones I had looked at already but they did put them in boxes so it wasn't necessary. Vanessa was the only one who dug armfuls of apples out at a time. In the end, the airforce couple hit the mat first and won cars and the gym rat guys came in last. It was ironic since they commented at the beginning of the show that they felt lucky. Har har. Maybe it made them too confident. Maybe it showed how stupid they really were.

The Celebrity Apprentice had another concept task. This time the teams had to throw a theme party to promote a Crystal Lite non-alcoholic cocktail. Clay Aiken took the project manager job and the peach bellini flavor. The project manager for the women was Aubrey O'Day (who?) and they took the pomtini flavor. The men seemed to work well together as men do and set up a beach party theme complete w/ guests in swimwear and beachparty activities like limbo, conga dances and a sing-a-long. I really thought Penn would juggle flaming torches but all he juggled was peaches. One thing that really cracked me up was Lou Ferrigno and Paul Teutal opening up those little drink umbrellas. Talk about having the guys w/ the hammiest hands do a delicate task. When one went flying, I was rolling on the floor w/ laughter. Meanwhile, on the women's team, they decided to make the party high falutin' which usually equals stuffy and not fun. The people stood around w/ a non-boozy drink in hand while Lisa Lampinelli made fun of their comments (awkward) and Debbi Gibson sang her jingle (more awkward). When the judges came around, Aubrey kicked her sell job into high gear telling the Crystal Lite people how great the party was and all they'd done blah blah blah. I say, if you have to describe how fun it is, it ain't. Where-as on the men's side, when the Crystal Lite people got there, the men just handed them a drink and led them into the fray of the party. No explanation needed there. As for the women's team dynamic, it's like Jr. High w/ the popular girls dissing the nice girls and letting them help but not really including them. OMG, in the boardroom the women are all complimentary and loving until the hammer comes down. Then the claws come out. I think the men realize Donald asks the same questions, "Who would you fire?" and "Which 2 are you going to bring in the boardroom if you lose?" So they answer honestly and concisely. You can tell nobody takes it personally because they know the PM has to say someone's name. On the women's team, Aubrey tried to say she loved everyone and blah blah blah. I and all of America was elated when it was announced the men won. Yay! For once, the men were unsure about the outcome, so there was genuine surprise and relief. Oh boy! Then the women pounced. Poor Miss Universe she can't catch a break. Aubrey also took in the other Argentinian into the boardroom too. Unfortunately for the other Argentinian, Trump likes his Miss Universe and is impressed by O'Day, so out she goes. Adios! I liked when Dee Snyder pointed out that Aubrey thought up all the ideas for each task but the women lost 4 out of 6. All I care about; Aubrey got knocked down a peg or 2. I think the teams are getting mixed up and I can't wait.

Unfortunately, I missed America's Next Top Model this week. Unlike the other shows, Tyra doesn't post the episode until the next one airs so I'll be doing 2 next week.

Well, that's about it. Saturday nights are all about the Britcoms on PBS. I especially love Are You Being Served? I'll be seeing what Mrs. Slocombes pussy is up to and I am unanimous in that.

See you next time people and stay tuned.

We Believe! We Believe!

Hello fellow TV junkies. Have you been watching those shows? I have, so let's get right to it.

The Amazing Race went to Germany to towns that are really hard to pronouce. I love the theme of this season; don't stop until you hit the mat. The challenges were a mix of weird and surreal. Bopper and Mark had to do the speed bump since they came in last in the non-elimination leg last week. They had to yodel and the teacher had the funniest facial expressions ever. "It's American yodeling." LOL! Meanwhile the other teams got right to the detour. They either styled facial hair or decorated gingerbread houses. The facial hair thing was kind of creepy since I always envision slobber and food getting caught in the nest. Then everyone had to slide gnomes on the ice and hit a target. Easier said than done because the Feds aka teachers left last even though they arrived in the middle. The border patrol guys came in first again. The ending was very surprising since the feds beat the sisters to the mat. Wow! Those girls must've really gotten lost. The funniest part of the show was when Brendon tried to be cute and jump on the mat and totally wiped out.

The Biggest Loser went to Hawaii. Aw...poor Kim is feeling ostracized after her teammate was voted out last week. Maybe she should've treated everybody else better. What goes round, comes round. So we saw a lot of surfing, beach calisthenics, swimming, laying out, drinking drinks and the fatties saying, "I'm on vacation." Yeah, the whole show is a vacation. Are you working? No? Then you're on vacation. The first challenge was a trivia contest and Chris won the 1 pound advantage. The next challenge was the eliminate your fellow players game. I love the dynamic between Conda and her brother Jeremy. He's very caring and loving and she's fiercely protective of him. Even though they're the fattest of the group, the bro and sis team came out top 2 and then Jeremy let Conda win. That was nice since the prize was immunity. The editors made the show villains Kimmy and Meghan this week. They hate Kim and pick on her boo hoo hoo hoo. OMG. I've learned not to believe a minute of it. So in the end, the mother daughter team of Kimmy and Meghan happened to both land below the yellow line. Kimmy fell on her sword for her daughter and that was that. I've noticed not so much crying this season.

Survivor showed the worst bullying and bitchy meanness I've ever seen. Colton, who shouldn't be knocking anybody tells Christina she's being voted out, he hates her face, he hates her voice and she can throw herself in the fire. They don't even allow her any space under the tarp shelter. Now I say Colton shouldn't talk because he may be rich but that doesn't win you any friends if you're a girlyboy, racist, fatass, bigoted douchebag. Then there's Alicia w/ the big scary buckteeth and skanky skankiness who cozies up to Colton like he's a bearskin rug. She also proceeds to insult and bully Christina. Alicia is supposedly a special ed teacher. Nice. I wonder if she calls her students feebs. Then I have to say, the rest of the tribe are a bunch of wussbags. They all just sat around and listened to it happening and never told anybody to shut up and leave her alone. The luxury challenge was a game where they bounced a coconut into targets. The Man-nono tribe totally sucked and the other tribe won the ice cream and soda gluttony prize. For once, we finally get to see the people enjoy their prize. So Colton and Alicia blame the loss on Christina and are meaner than ever. After the commercial break, we find Christina hugging Colton's head and rubbing his temples and Colton looking miserably ill. We're thinking, hmmm...Karma has come to mete out some justice. Wait for it. Yep, Colton gets worse w/ abdominal pain and is literally in a fetal position on the ground. For some odd reason, his BFF Alicia is nowhere in sight during all of this. So Christina calls for the medics and Jeff. OMG, they diagnose possible appendicitis and cart him off w/ all of America cheering and thanking the Karma gods. We believe! BTW, Colton keeps the immunity idol. Ha ha to Alicia. So everyone is called to Tribal Council where it's announced Revoltin' Colton is gone and they're merging the tribes. Already? Oh well. We're still LOL about the ouster of the girlyboy.

America's Next Top Model had the girls making short commercials of the funniest made up items you ever saw. Then they had a focus group give their critiques while the girls watched. Could they have found people more stupid than this group? When that fat white broad said she thought the girl sounded too African. She's British and you're a fat dumbass. I wanted to punch her in the face through the TV. Then there was a little drama when the sensitive white chick was told by the other girls, they didn't think she was that good. OMG, she's crying, threatening to quit, calling her Mama, sucking her thumb...ok, I put that last one in. The photoshoot had the girls in beautiful gowns, crazy Treacy hats and w/ a car. Sounds familiar. I think Tyra's running out of ideas. So Symone and another girl land in the bottom. Symone stays and the other girl remains unknown.

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes went to Iceland. I thought this was going to be the finale. Oh wait, one last dome between Johnny w/ his really homely partner Camilla and Mark and Robin. So they had to grapple over an X shaped stick. In the end, Mark and Robin went home and it's the very first time Mark hasn't been in the final. History has been made and they've proven, age does not make you better. So on to Iceland. I'm convinced the producers are trying to kill these kids. First, they have to race w/ sleds pulled by dogs. Then they make them jump practically naked into the freezing water to touch a ball. OMG! Ack! The episode ends w/ everyone in tents to camp out on the snow. OMG! I loved Johnny saying, "Diem, don't even pretend that you're not enjoying every minute of this." I can't wait for the real finale.

Project Runway had it's finale. There was a lot of sewing, a trip to Marie Claire and the runway shows. Austin's collection was whimsy but eclectic. Maybe a little too eclectic. He couldn't decide if he wanted to show glam rock or naughty school girl. Mondo's clothes were totally his vibe. A cool mix of patterns, colors w/ good fit and fun too. All his previous angst making a great collection kind of reminded me of VanGogh hacking off his ear and then painting brilliantly. Micheal's collection was called Serengeti but it was dull in color. All the pieces seemed to be draped Golden Girls clothes in black, white and brown. Ugh. I think the reason they shoot animals on safari is so they can see some red in all that dullness. In the end, Mondo won and the other 2 won trips to Paris. I wonder if Austin's mother is still homeless?

So, that's about it. Do you believe that slow and steady wins the race? I do. Do you believe that Karma will win in the end? I do. Do you believe blood is thicker than water? I do. Do you believe revenge is a dish best served cold? I do. Man, I learn so much from TV. Hee hee hee. See you next time. Stay tuned.

TV Goes On

Hello everyone in TV junkieland. No, I haven't been in rehab; just being lazy. In the meantime, I have been watching the shows.

CBS tried a sitcom about guys dressing as women to just have a job. In this day and age, it's not such a strange premise. Too bad they only showed 3 episodes before they canned it. It was actually funny but maybe hit too close to home. One episode showed how a woman could be totally stupid and inept and still make the money by being a huge flirt. Hmmm...sounds familiar to real life.

Ok, well Survivor named this season One World. It started out w/ 2 tribes divided into one tribe of women and one tribe of men living in the same area. Interesting since everyone could just stroll over to the other tribe whenever they wanted to, to beg for stuff, spy, steal or socialize. Having a girly guy on the men's tribe was a sly bit of casting. Unfortunately, he's turned out to be a complete a-hole. A quarter way into the season, they changed the tribes to mixed and had them live in different areas. I guess One World is over. One really dumb move was, the men's tribe won immunity and then gave it up just to get rid of a specific player. Really? You thought you'd stay divided into these tribes? Have they never watched Survivor before? I don't care if you have a blind paraplegic dumbass w/ the personality of Howard Stern on your tribe. You don't purposely give up a tribe member until you have to. Sure enough. When they mixed up the tribes, the men had lower numbers on one of them. Well, at least the women don't have to worry about stealing fire anymore.

The Amazing Race started out by going to South America. Cool, since we're sick and tired of India and Africa but I'm sure they'll get there. It seems one team is hated before the start by most of America since they're from a reality show. The funny part is, they're proving to be smart and athletic but rather argumentative. Some teams looked strong and proved to be unlucky and other teams seemed weak and proved to be savy and persistent. One thing this season has really shown is persistence rules. There have been times when the team thinks they're in last place but by hanging in there until the very end, they make it to the next leg. Those are amazing OMG moments. The editors are doing a very good job of limiting the drama and showing the real "never say die" attitude these racers have. Also, the racers this season are pretty positive and not as big complainers as they have been in past seasons. They've also cut down on the amount of non-elimination legs which is good. The thing we love about these elimination reality shows is, we get new players w/ a new season. So don't drag this one out too long. Phil is just as cute and sexy as ever.

Project Runway All Stars has been great. Next week will be the finale and we'll see who's the star of the allstars. It's down to Micheal Costello, Mondo Guerra and Austin Scarlet. They've proven to be totally deserving of being in the final 3. The Hostess, workroom guru and judges were all changed but respected people of the fashion industry and it's been refreshing. Joanna Coles is the workroom guru and brings up such questions as, "How do you wear a bra under that?" Now that's a legitimate question that you'd never hear from Tim Gunn. This season also took any focus away from the models. They've never mentioned their names or made the designers choose them. Isaac Mizrahi and Georgina Chapman have served as judges and they've become endeared even more to America.

Top Chef Texas had a turbulent and very weirdly physical competition. They took the chefs on the road more, made them cook outside in the heat and the grit and deprived them of so much sleep, the chefs became snarky and emotional. Then they made them do elimination challenges that involved biking around town to find ingredients and places to cook, building their own fires to cook on, chopping ingredients out of ice and cooking in freezing outdoors, cooking on gondolas and dashing for ingredients and finally shooting and skiing for ingredients and then making them cook right after that. Ugh, it really jumped the shark. They also had a last chance kitchen that I think Andy Cohen and his co-horts at Bravo should've paid an arm and leg for because it was only a half an hour of pure cooking but was fun and exciting to watch. You could only watch it on-line. From all the comments about it, it was evident a lot of people watched it. Anyway, to the relief of America and half the world, Paul Qui won. He was brilliant, gracious and talented w/ an amazing palate. I think that does describe a Top Chef to the T.

Face Off had an amazing season w/ amazing talent. The level of talent this season was so good, they made last season look like kids from preschool art class. Yes, the make-up artists were critical of others but the criticisms seemed legitimate and the artists seemed most critical of themselves. I loved when Rayce would say, "It looks like crap and I can't believe I'm letting it go out." and then he'd win. When the artists bragged about being really good painters or model makers, they proved it. The really cool thing was, the people who'd get eliminated each week would make a look that would've totally won last season. So, the self deprecating Rayce won the season but I have to say, it was really close for the final 3. RJ and Ian also made really cool and really good creatures. Plus, they had to make it quality because the people did a huge dance number in them. The funniest part of the season was the whiny models. They complained about itching, inability to see, feeling hot, etc. I was yelling at them through the TV, "Shut up and do your job and just sit there." Just think of actors who have to wear the stuff for years. Lavar Burton pointed out he couldn't see w/ his make-up during the whole time his show aired. Anyway, Congrats to Rayce, he did a great job and is so talented, we're all blown away.

The Celebrity Apprentice is on again and unfortunately for Trump, it's opposite Once Upon A Time. Grimm and Once Upon a Time are 2 fantasy shows that are great escapes. Grimm focuses on a police officer who's from the Brother's Grimm line and his life happens to cross over into weirdly fairy tale like situations. I love that they take the seemingly sweet benign stories like Goldielocks and the 3 Bears and makes it about home invasion. How can you not laugh at that? He has a buddy who's literally a wolf from the stories who can change into human form too, who helps him w/ the cases. Once Upon a Time focuses on a family dynamic of Snow White that crosses into the real world. The show does a good job of differentiating the 2 different worlds or else the audience would be completely confused. We get good people to root for and bad people to boo. It's improbably enough to be cool and fun and real enough to make us forget it's based on kid's stories. I find myself pointing to the screen and saying things like, "Hey! He's Rumpelstiltskin."

On Celebrity Apprentice, Trump divided the teams into men and women. I hate that because the balance of talent and needs for tasks are thrown off. I feel sorry for the women when physical and mechanical stuff is required like building stuff or heavy lifting. Come on, these are women who do business in high heels. Then when there's something really girly like fashion or jewelry selling, the men know absolutely nothing. Penn Gillette is proving to be a savvy businessman as well as the showman we all know and love. Paul Teutal has proved to be more powerful at business than we thought. Trump has a new technique to draw out drama. He asks the project managers who they'd bring to the boardroom if they lose before they even say who's won or lost. Lou Ferrigno becomes the Hulk when his name is mentioned as a boardroom candidate. Aubrey ODay has proven to be the only female w/ any creativity. The women better keep her as long as possible. The problem I see is the lack of real celebrity on the women's side. I'm not sure their rolodexes can compare to the men's side. Wisely, Trump has cut down on the fund-raiser tasks because in past seasons, people literally drained their money wells before the finale.

The Biggest Loser is no longer called The Crying Fatties. The editors have cut the crying out and instead, put in a lot of conniving, complaining and talking behind peoples' backs. Conda has become the villain of the season but we're getting a sense of bigtime show editing because the other fatties are very friendly and supportive of her. One thing we're not seeing is amazing weight loss. We also see less working out. I think I've seen more of the contestants' bedrooms than I've seen in 12 seasons. Unfortunately, the producers and editors have made almost all of the contestants unlikeable which makes the audience not give a crap about who goes home. They're going to have to do a lot of redeeming to make America root for a winner. Otherwise, people are just going to see who wins by reading spoiler posts on the social media sites. I also want to point out that Bob seems ill this season. He's looking greyfaced and haggard on some parts of episodes and he's more grouchy and sour. Whatever he's suffering from, I hope he gets better.

This season of The Challenge is called Battle of the Exes. It involves teams of couples who have hooked up or dated before but are no longer together. It's been very interesting to see the I love you/I hate you waverings of the couples. Surprisingly, there was only one hookup of 2 people from different couples. What was really evident was the advantage that the couples who had dated for a long time over the casual hookup couples during the challenges and domes. They worked better in sync and the men knew how to handle the women when they started to lose heart. There was one really awkward incident when Emily decided to make fun of Paula and Tyler by putting chocolate on her face and pretending to be Tyler. Oh boy! When he threatened to quit because he didn't want to be Emily's partner anymore, I really thought he would and I didn't blame him at all. Someone obviously reminded him of the big prize at the end and he stayed. The final dome is really going to be good. It's Johnny and Camilla against their alliance pals Mark and Robin. It's Mark's very first time in an elimination challenge. That means, he's always been in the final challenge each time he's been on the show all these years. Wow! Also, the guy's 40. I can't wait to see the final show.

Finally, I'd like to ask ABC Family channel why they keep cutting their sitcoms? Ruby and the Rockits was such a cute show and seeing the Cassidy family each week was so much fun. Are they going to bring back Melissa and Joey? Of course the shows don't get high audience numbers, not everyone gets that channel and there's a lot of competition too. I prefer the multicam sitcoms and I like corny comedy. Well, I'll have to settle for Big Bang Theory, The Middle, Last Man Standing, Mike and Molly, How I Met Your Mother, 2 Broke Girls and 2 and Half Men. Sigh...

Well, catch you later TV people. Stay Tuned and keep watching.