Monday, August 16, 2010

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

This was a fun week in reality tv. As you know, I really love the competition and elimination shows.

ABC has a new spin off of their sappy series The Bachelor/Bachelorette. Bachelor Pad takes past losing contestants on the shows, makes them live together like Big Brother and then eliminates someone each week. Everybody got an introduction this week and for those of us who never watched the original shows, we were informed of the person's season and the persona they were (villain, sweetheart, duped dummy, stalker, crying whiner, drunk, drama queen or king, etc.) Gwen is the oldest from one of the early seasons of the bachelor and she seems to be still recovering from her facelift. So they all mill around a bit, get cozy and gossip. That ugly birdfaced host from The Bachelor is the co-host here and he's way overshadowed by Melissa Rycroft. There's a challenge game of twister. The winner gets a free pass through the elimination ceremony (and a rose) and gets to pick 3 people for a date. I'm waiting for someone to come out of the closet and pick a same sex person for the date hee hee hee. Anyway, I digress. Craig is most hated by The Weatherman but wins the twister game. After a night where all contestants sleep in one big room together, Craig has to choose the 3 women. He chooses 2 blondes and a brunette. During the date, there's a mini rose ceremony before the really good part of the date and only one girl gets to finish the date. Craig gives Jesse, the brunette, the rose and free pass through the elimination ceremony. Before the elimination, there's a lot of conniving, boo hooing and cuddling. I love the way the camera is shoved right into the face of crying people. They're so kind. Actually, I don't really remember seeing real tears. In the end, Juan and Melissa are eliminated. Melissa was a total whack job. Juan, however, was the best looking guy in the house. I guess he duped a girl into thinking he wanted to date her so she would give him free housing in Chicago and then ditched her for another girl. Unfortunately for him, that girl is in this show too. Lesson here? Be honest from the beginning and don't be a weenie.

Hell's Kitchen had it's finale. I'm so glad they don't have the chefs design their restaurant anymore. It never made any sense since that isn't going to be in their job description when they win. First there was a taste testing of dishes by imported chefs from Ramsay's other restaurants. What a great commercial for his other restaurants. Jay won and what did he win? First, I have to say, old booted contestants returned to work as the brigades for Holly and Jay. Jay's prize was the right to choose first. I wanted to know, where was Ed? Most of the contestants returning were booted way before him and not nearly as good looking. So anyway, Chauvon proved she really doesn't know anything about fine dining cooking even after being on the show for a few weeks. I guess you can't teach dumb dogs any tricks at all. Holly did a good job working around her anyway. It turned out to be boys against girls. In the end, Holly was the winner. Yay! Best part? Ramsay totally dousing Jean Phillipe with champagne right in the face.

Master Chef was boring. They whittled 30 chefs down to 14 by having them slice and chop onions and then make egg dishes. It was obvious, undercook, overcook or not highlight the egg, you're out. Bye! I noticed a lot of the less good looking contestants were sent home.

Top Chef had restaurant wars. First they did the cooking relay challenge for the quickfire. Stupid Alex salted the fish when he wasn't going to cook it. The dish turned out oversalted due to being salted again by the last chef who was actually supposed to cook it. I wanted to vomit. Not because of the food, but because of the judge. Padma introduced the judge as highly qualified. I expected Eric Ripert to walk in. Nope, it was the totally nauseating Speaker of the House Pelosi. I can't tell you how much I hate women in politics and especially this woman. After seeing Pelosi on the screen, Hilary Clinton is no longer considered the most irritating and vomit inducing woman in politics. As any politician, she yammered on about the dishes showing she was ignorant as a box of rocks. In the end, the blue team of Amanda, Kenny, the brown haired girl with grating voice and the short fat hispanic guy won. They also got to split 10 Grand. For restaurant wars, the kitchen was shared and the restaurants were side by side. The red team of Ed, Tiffany, Alex and Angelo made supposedly Mediterranean inspired dishes and named their place EVOO. I loved the way the team totally told Alex he was to do the front of the house and not do a dish. They made him prep the meat and then complained about his butchering. He did look quite inept. He also turned out to be a bit Hitlerish to his wait staff too. He's not only homely, but also an A-hole too. The Blue team were supposed to do new American cuisine and I can't remember the name of their place but it wasn't that fancy. Kenny was the exec chef and proved his palate is not like everybody else's. When the judges are pulling faces while tasting your food, it's not good. The brown haired girl with the grating voice was front of the house. In the end, EVOO team won and Ed was deemed the winning chef for his fish dish. Much to Kenny's surprise, he was given the boot. Everybody thought Amanda was out but nope.

Work of Art had it's finale too. We got to see the final 3 artists homes and families. It was a kind of interesting and made them seem not so wierd. Miles' art was graphic photographic based on a homeless guy he took a picture of at White Castle. He then had blown up pixilated areas that looked like that grid art I used to do in gradeschool; with less color. I didn't really care for it but everybody raved over it. Then again, Sarah Jessica Parker's ugly mug was standing next to it so I guess it did look good. Peregryn did a weird combination of scary childish whimsical and kind of poignant art that I didn't really understand but the judges loved it. Abdi did sculptures, drawings and paintings of bodies in different poses and motions. All I can say is, that guy can really draw, sculpt and paint. I really liked his pieces and guess what. The judges did too. He won. Yay! I liked this guy from the beginning because his art really looked like what it was supposed to be and didn't have to be explained too much.

Project Runway had one of my favorite challenges: innovation. They had to make clothes out of party supplies. How fun! Tim Gunn tried to discourage fabric items like tablecloths and cloth napkins but I guess that hispanic guy with broken english really doesn't know english. It seems Gretchen is letting her wins blow up her ego and it's really irritating the other designers and me too. Personally, I didn't like her winning dress and jumper but whatever. She didn't gain any friends giving her 2 cents on everyone's work. I do have to say, the dresses or outfits were incredible. I really loved the red number but it was in the middle. Andy's dress was complicated but cute. Betsy Johnson was the guest judge and kept wanting more goofy and loud looks but these contestants aren't stupid. I didn't like Gretchen's loose top with pants and pseudo jacket. The model did a great job keeping the top from billowing out. In the end, Andy won. Yay! We just wanted anybody but Gretchen. Sara was sent home for a dress that was deemed too simple and she didn't like it either. You really need to stand behind your efforts. Otherwise, the judges agree with you and there's no other side to be swayed too.

Austin and Santino went to Oklahoma to make a dress for a woman who's fave thing to do is hunt. I always love when they have unconventional places to buy the fabric. This time it was at a quilting store. Oh boy! They were lucky enough to be able to eat a venison dinner with the backwoods Okies (that was sarcasm). They also crashed at a cabin in the middle of the woods in nowhere. I loved Austin freaking out at the sounds of nature. Knock, knock, knock (on bathroom door). "Santino, I hear weird sounds like uhhh uhhh uhhh." "It's cows." "Cows? Doing what?" "F__king." I was rolling on the floor laughing with that one. Then I really LOL when Austin was wielding the electric saw to cut the antler in half. Santino: "I'm not afraid of power tools. I'm afraid of Austin with power tools." I didn't blame him. This time, the girl didn't give much instruction on what she wanted and let the guys be real designers. I have to admit the dress was really pretty and gave the lady a good shape. Who knew teal tulle was so nice over purple fabric?

The Next FoodNetwork Star had it's finale. The 3 finalists made pilots for their shows with Rachel Ray directing. The producers did a good job of not letting her blather on too much. Either that, or they left a lot of her blather on the cutting room floor. It was hard to say who did the worst. They all did a really good job. Tom did look like he needed a shower. The pilots were shown to a test audience and the comments were good. In the end, Aarti won. Yay! Maybe she'll teach me the art of throwing together spices and flavors to make Indian food. It always seems complicated to me. Also, I love her accent and could listen to it for days on end.

The Food Network has a new show; The Great Food Truck Race. How fun is this? 7 teams of food truck people take their trucks a certain amount of money and find a place to park and sell their stuff. Each truck has a different kind of food too from Bon Mi's to French food. The Nom Nom team did a good job of locating a farmer's market because people love to eat at places where they've been staring at food and they assume the ingredients are fresh from the market. The Ragin Cajun team was hyperactive and a little lost at first. Na Na Queen was the team that sold wings and banana pudding. That's not much of a menu and the people didn't think so either. Especially when the fryer didn't work and all they had was the pudding. Hmmm... In the end, Na Na Queen team was sent home. The loser was the team who made the least money. Totally makes sense.

Well, that's about it people. I didn't watch America's Got Talent because it was U-tube acts and I'm sick to death of amateur stuff that's just stupid.

See ya next week.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Schaudenfreude to the Max!!!

For those of you who don't know what schaudenfreude is, let me explain. When you don't like somebody and something unfortunate happens to them, the elation you feel at hearing the news is schaudenfreude.

I guess Jersey Shore is back with it's undeserving money-hog cast. I refuse to watch white trash on TV on a weekly basis unless they're trying to be funny (e.g. Roseanne). My friends have told me they're quite sick of the stupidity and realize these people aren't playing at it now.

America's Got Talent had it's last group of 12 perform. What a group! There were obvious losers and obvious winners. From last weeks results, people sat up and said, "OMG, I'd better vote this week." I was so glad Mary Ellen wasn't voted through. She was horrible from the very beginning and too scary to look at. Piers pointed out that if it weren't for Howie, she would've never made it this far. I question Howie's musical taste. In case you're wondering who Mary Ellen is, she's the red haired old lady who looks like Howdy Doody's ugly sister, sings off key and plays the piano like she's having a siezure. Prince Poppycock and I don't remember who else were voted through. Nobody else matters ha ha ha.

Top Chef had Marcus Samuelson as it's guest judge. It's about time they had some real eyecandy on this show. Oh, he's also a great chef and highly qualified to judge all kinds of food. For the quickfire, the chefs had to do Ethiopian inspired food. Even though Angelo made real Ethiopian food, Ed's woman friend won. Hee hee hee Way to go girl! For the elimination challenge, the chefs had to make dishes inspired by different countries. Hopcraft got last choice and it proved to be his demise. Ed's woman friend (sorry folks I forgot her name) won this round too. She's on a roll! Anyway, Hopcraft not only didn't make Brazilian food, but the food he did make wasn't good. That's the kiss of death on this show. I have a trick when I overcook rice (which is a lot). I fry it. General rule: anything tastes good fried. Unfortunately, they were in a place with only chafing dishes at that point and he couldn't rework his rice. Sorry to see you go Stephen.

On Work of Art, the artists had to make a piece based on something they found on a nature walk. Miles found a huge clump of mushrooms, Abdi found black gravelly stuff, Peregryn found flowers, etc. Anyway, to me, art is art and I'm not a good judge of it. Abdi proved what an incredible artist he is because the judges and I finally agreed he did the best piece and I finally found something I'd actually want to buy. Jacquie tried to use another naked photo of herself but because it wasn't made during studio time, the girls nixed it when she asked. I thought Mile's friend made a cool piece but the judges didn't like it. They didn't like Jacquie's either and she was finally booted hee hee hee. Mile's girl friend was booted too...aw. Oh well.

So You Think You Can Dance had it's last episode before the finale. This week, it was a hard choice since all the dancers are very good and likeable. Adichike was sent home and took it well. Now we're left with just white people. I hope they don't have any hip hop or crumping to do in the finale.

Project Runway has a ton of contestants. I think too many. This week, they had to make a look for a Marie Claire billboard in Time's Square. I really miss the model choosing that they used to do and hopefully, they'll bring it back as the designers get whittled down. So the Marie Claire person said the look should look modern, fresh and intelligent. Hmmm... I expected a couple of power suit dresses but nope. The guy in the bowler made a weird shiny fabric silver monstrosity held together with safety pins. Kudos to his model for keeping her mouth shut. The dress I thought should've won was a cute red number with an interesting collar but they picked an ugly jumpsuit that looked like something I rejected in the 80's. I'm thinking the judges must be colorblind because brownish purple isn't fresh looking. Whatever. The guy in the bowler hat and the crying gay guy were booted. Bye!

This week Santino and Austin: On The Road went to see an army captain who was graduating with her Master's degree. I loved the workout session with Austin proving he's fashionable but not athletic. Unfortunately, Santino and Austin let the captain dictate her look and it was terrible. It was lumpy, loud and way overworked but she liked it. For once, the dress wasn't flattering to the female figure at all. Once again, Santino wore a smirk on his face the whole time he was making the dress.

Drag U was really funny this week. Chris (Kardashian) Jenner was the guest judge so all the girls had Kardashian in their stage name. Chanel, Pandora Box and...I forget were the drag queens assigned to the women this week. Chanel never ceases to amaze me. Pandora Box never ceases to make me laugh out loud. This week, these women had issues that needed therapy. One girl was a former model and I thought she was probably a shoe-in. This week, they showed more of the make-up application which I thought was really cool and informative. Chanel proved her expertise and her girl won. All the women looked fabulous!

Food Network Star finally got rid of Aria. Yay! They had an Iron Chef challenge. Arte made the best food the judges had ever had on the show. Herb served his 3rd dish last which wasn't good, since it was his worst. They had shrimp as their secret ingredient. Oh, also, previously booted contestants were brought back to be soux chefs. Meanwhile, the other 2 contestants had to be commentators. Aria, as always, was in her own world and couldn't seem to pay attention to the action going on. Tom proved to be fun and very knowledgeable. Aria and Tom had bacon as their secret ingredient. I thought someone would do a twist on a BLT but nope. Aria thought breakfast was a good idea. Hee hee, Morimoto declared it, "diner food". I fell on the floor laughing at that one. Not only that, but she garnished her food with the bacon. Not a good idea. Tom tried to think out of the box and instead went off the reservation. I loved the shot of Suzie trying to saw through her bacon steak. His food was declared the worst food ever on the show. Meanwhile, Arte wandered around lost and confused while Herb did a great job commentating. Alton Brown seemed like a cranky old man. So like I said, Aria was booted and I popped open a bottle of champagne to celebrate.

NFNS Afterparty had Aria as it's guest (of course). Most of the time, I find I like the booted contestant better during this show. They seem to be relaxed and less neurotic. Aria proved to be just as unlikeable and disengenuous as usual. She may be comfortable in front of the camera, but nobody likes her through the screen. She's one of those people you want to punch in the face, through the TV. No redemption for her. They did show clips from Kelsey's and Adam's season. I wish they'd re-run previous seasons. It was so much fun to see.

Well, that's all I can think of. Most of the shows are still on their summer hiatus. See ya next week!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Gee, take a break and a lot happens.

Okay, first the finale of True Beauty happened. The funniest part of the whole season was, there were no absolute angels like last year. Everybody flunked one test or another. For the finale, the trio was to party with what's his name who hurt himself on Dancing With the Stars. So they partied until the morning and then the trio had to shoot a commercial for Vegas. I loved the blonde breaking down in tears. So, in the end, the lesser of 3 evils was Taylor. His only sins were to get mad at the stupid critic panel and laugh at the fattie bride getting totally berated by her mother. I laughed too but at the same time, the others gave an encouraging word due to the fact the mother had left the bride alone. Anyway, he was cute enough and even at the end, nobody recognized Vanessa Minillo. That was the funniest part of all. Hee hee hee

Hell's Kitchen is down to 4 people now. Let's see, Ed, Nilka, Jason and...who knows fell by the wayside. There was a lot of making dishes whether they had to look like art or taste gourmet on a budget. On one episode, Jay and Holly seemed to get very cozy on their prize ride in the Goodyear Blimp. There's not much choice since Ben is quite homely. He even won a makeover for a magazine cover shoot and it didn't help much. Jay's a blue haired troll but when there's only 2 men in the house, pickin's are slim. So it's Autumn, Jay, Holly and Ben. So far, Holly has passed all the tests and I think she's a good pick for the winner.

Gordon Ramsay's new show, Masterchef, had it's debut. 3 judges tasted dishes and decided the roster for the season. Some of the people were put through because they were good drama. Graham Bowles liked dishes that Ramsay didn't. I loved that because Americans eat better food than Brits. Brits tend to get their flavor from animal fat and Americans tend to use more herbs and spices. As for the 3rd guy, he wasn't a chef and seemed like his palate was ruined from licking to many boots and putting his nose up too many asses. Whatever. We'll see what the season holds.

America's Got Talent is doing it's group of 12, with only 4 being chosen by America to move on. The 3rd week, America made some good choices too. I'm not sure I'd pay to watch Future Funk though. I really liked the sad sack dry humor of the bad magician but he really blew it when he decided to do a stupid stripper show. That was the first time I've ever seen all 3 judges buzz the person this late in the game. I'm getting sick of the sappy backstories. Nobody who goes to Vegas gives a damn what kind of disorder singers have or what impoverished history they have. They just want a great show and their money's worth, at that. At least Ronnith is out. Last week Haspop and the girl singer with the weak voice were voted through. Really? Did the real voters give up? At least the belly dancers are out.

Top Chef lost Tamisha 2 weeks ago when her cold dish landed her in the bottom with Kenny. Since Kenny had won a couple of challenges, I was sure he wasn't going. Last week, the guest judge was a representative. Really? Of all the great palates in the USA, you pick Joe Schmo from the House? Whatever. Anyway, for the quickfire, the chefs had to fit their food on a toothpick. Angelo won, again even though he didn't like that his tiny dish consisted of meat in a cucumber cup. What's wrong with that? Cucumber is refreshing and crisp and won't mask any delicate flavors. For the elimination, the chefs had to make a power lunch. I don't think it's a good idea to have the whole show about politics. I already dislike my government and wanting to vomit after a show about cooking isn't good. Why more politicians commenting on the food? Isn't their favorite dish a hundred dollar bill between 2 slices of bread? During the cooking, Ed lost his pee puree Everybody thought Alex took it. I say, Ed needs to keep an eye on his food better. Pageant queens can tell you, in a contest, you never leave your stuff in the presence of your competitors. Ironically, Alex won and got his picture on the wall of The Palms. I feel sorry for them. Alex's face will peel the paint off of the walls. I loved that you could see steam rising off of Ed's head but he stayed quiet. Good man! Who got the boot? The blonde Miami chick.

I missed Work of Art. Sorry people.

Project Runway is back. This show had 17 contestants and all the quirky types showed up. Were the designers settled into their new digs with champagne? Of course not. They each had to make an outfit out of a piece of clothing from another designer's suitcase. For goodness sake. When Heidi asked them to choose a piece of clothing from their suitcase, what did they think they were going to do with it? Model it for Heidi and Tim? I would've picked my rattiest thing right there. So we heard a lot of oh my favorite this and that. Whatever. If you can afford $1000 for a pair of pants, you don't need the prize money. The designers only had 5 hours to do their look but luckily, they didn't have to do the field trip to Mood. Some of he pieces were weird, some were sparse, some were butt ugly and some were cute. Now I can tell I have no sense of fashion because the dress I thought was ugly, won, and the dress I thought was cute, lost. The question was, how many designers would be sent home? One designer was lambasted for making pants out of pants. The one with the cute dress was criticized for bad styling. Sure, Lindsay Lohan goes out with nothing matching because she's so drunk she can't see straight, but everybody thinks she's a fabulous fashion plate. But a designer puts a pink purse with a blue babydoll dress and the judges don't like it. Hmmm... I'm thinking, the judges are getting too old to judge. What did we really learn? Nina Garcia can speak spanish. People with Hispanic last names really can speak spanish.

I miss Models of the Runway. I guess they're not doing it this season. Instead, Santino and Austin Scarlet are going around the country making dresses for girls who need fashion help. This week, it was a cowgirl. She was a trickrider and the funniest parts of the show were when Austin rode the horse standing up on it and when Santino was trying to find good material in a dimestore. Very funny. They ended up making a dress out of a picnic tablecloth but whatever. For a hick girl, it was high fashion and she was happy. Santino had a smirk on his face the whole show.

RuPaul's Drag U is the funniest thing since...well...Dragrace. Last week, the guys made over ugly ducklings. I'd like to say, these weren't the ugliest women in the world. One girl was just a wallflower who was too close to her mother. Oh boy! It never ceases to amaze me how beautiful the drag queens are. Raven, Nina Flowers and Raven's best buddy from Dragrace were the professors this week. The lessons were hilarious. I especially liked the Asian/oriental girl trying to be sexy eating a strawberry lying on her back and choking. The transformations were amazing. I just wish they'd show more of the makeup work because that's what I find amazing. Taylor Dane was the guest judge and well, who really cares who wins. They're all winners because they looked fabulous!

Finally, The Next Food Network Star is whittling down. Sarena was booted last week. Yo, girl! Don't let others tell you what to cook in a cooking competition. Unfortunately, she made a pasta dish that wasn't good. All the Italians cringed. They were supposed to be making dishes for a supper club and those people like unique posh food not something that comes out of grandma's crockpot. Last week, the fatigue was showing. The chefs had loved ones who brought in an ingredient they had to use in their dish and everybody cried and bawled. Oh brother. I think only one chef pointed out he made his most unfavorite food taste great. Then the contestants had to cook a dish based on an emotion with Eva Longoria in attendance to taste it. Aria and Brad were the only people who forgot to mention their word and the judges had to ask because it wasn't obvious from their dish or story. Ooooh, I was hoping Aria would get the boot this week, but nope. Brad was sent home. I really think Aria is disengenuous and one of those chefs who'll never acknowledge their food tastes bad. They think something's wrong with the taster.

On the cooking channel, they have an after party with Adam Gertler, Kelsey Nixon, Sunny Anderson and one of the judging panel. It's so cute that they use past losers who were actually better than the winners. The show is fun and Gertler asks the right questions like, "What happened?"

Well, that's all. See you next week!