What's On? Not Much.

Hello fellow TV junkies.  Sad to say the TV offerings have become quite mundane and slim.  Dish Network is planning on dropping IFC, AMC and WE channels which should be interesting since Mad Men and The Walking Dead have quite a huge audience.  Fortunately, many shows can be seen online.  If the online viewing gets better and more accessible, people may just forgo satellite and cable subscriptions altogether.  What an interesting day and age.

So on to the shows.

Food Network Star had the contestants making food court food w/ each team having a theme:  American Deli, Italian and Mexican.  Martita's team used her as the Mexican food authority.  The American Deli team (Bobby's) didn't seem to have any deli food like sandwiches.  The Italian team (Alton's) thought their theme was too mundane.  Really?  They had to intro their dishes too.  Unfortunately Linkie had no idea what churro's were.  I knew she was in trouble when she made dough instead of batter.  For pete's sake, make something you know and give it a Mexican twist.  Jeffrey Zakarian showed up to add a weird ingredient that 1 person from each team had to use.  It was chicken livers.  Well, could've been worse.  In the end, one team was declared the winner and I can't remember who.  Linkie ended up in the bottom w/ someone else.  Linkie chose to make a savory dish when desserts are her specialty.  This time it wasn't about the food because the judges actually really liked her food but her on camera presentation was uncomfortable and jerky.  Bye Linkie.  We'll miss you, your cute accent and your desserts.

Drop Dead Diva is back.  Finally.  They have a new guardian angel, the business not financially doing well, Parker as a Dad, Kim as a partner, Jane dating a cute judge and Grayson catching on to what's up w/ Jane.  The producers made a huge mistake having Kim Kardashian on for a couple of episodes.  Her acting was so wooden, she made Pinocchio seem like a real boy before he was one.  Everytime she was on camera, you could feel the energy being sucked out of the scene.  I felt really bad for the other actors in the scene.  Luckily, she was only on for 2 episodes.  Don't quit your dayjob Kim.  So Stacy has had her memory wiped of Fred which is sad.  She's starting her own goodie baking business.  Interesting.  The character of Kim is much better.  She's not Jane's bestie but does treat Jane w/ colleague respect.  Jane and the judge are the cutest couple since Mike and Molly.  The cases are just as interesting as ever.  The guardian angel is different.  He's wealthy and has saved the business and also gives Jane guidance that she takes grumpily.  This time, she's not friends w/ her angel.  I'm not sure, but there's a freshness to the show.  The writing is great and before you know it, the episode is over.  All I can say is, I like it and it seems the show is also reflecting the times.

I've quit watching Model Latina.  It was so awful, it got too painful to sit through for a half an hour.

NBC is showing Olympic trials.  I wondered if they'd continue their rotten coverage.  I yearn for the days when ABC covered the Olympics.  As usual, they show very little of the athlete's actually doing their thing.  In the last few Olympics, we rarely saw the people who didn't do well.  When they say there's 50 athletes competing, how come we don't see 50 people diving or swimming or running?  Instead, they fill the time w/ overwrought athlete profiles, commercials and interviewers saying and asking the dumbest things.  Really?  We need another bio on an athlete who's trying to get into their 3rd Olympics?  Didn't we learn all about them 4 years ago?  Really?  You have to interview a runner right after the race?  The blood is still pounding in their head and they're still trying to catch their breath.  Yeesh.  Really?  They ask people who've lost the race, "How do you feel?"  Or they ask them right before the meet, "What is your goal?"  That's dumb.  Of course the athletes give the same answer to that, "Do my best and win."  Duh.  It's terrible and I'm afraid I may just keep up w/ the Olympics through the news.  I'm definitely not tuning in to the Today show.  They've  let that stupid dimbulb from The View back.  I wanted to forget her name and I did.  Also, between the royal wedding and the Queen's Jubilee, I'm kind of UK'd out.

American Ninja Warrior is wrapping up the prelims w/ the last region in the SouthEast.  The course proves to be interesting.  We know that when the guys have a lateral swing on the rings, they're usually cooked.  There was finally a lady who got through the first cargo net obstacle.  The guys in this region proved the talent is high because many finished the course including a pro football player and a Harlem Globetrotter.  Just once, I wish they'd have the hosts try out the course.  In the end, I'm still impressed.

I don't know why, but every time I tune into America's Got Talent, I get a re-run.  I'll try to catch up online but for now, I'll admit, I know nothing.

Around the Word in 80 Plates went to Thailand.  This time the chefs had to make 3 teams of 2.  I'm convinced Nookie is the craftiest and smartest guy to ever be on a competition cooking show.  He and Avery are besties but didn't pair up.  That was really smart because if they as a team wound up losing, it could've been 1 of them going home.  Instead, Avery ended up w/ Jenna and you could tell Avery wasn't too  excited about that.  The teams had to first make their way to a market, transport a bunch of coconuts to a place and then grate 5 pounds of coconut.  Hey!  I thought everyone was on the metric system  in the rest of the world.  Watching Nookie trying to use the native method to transport the coconuts was a total LOL minute.  He and John got to the grating first.  John had to do all the grating cuz Nookie couldn't fit on the seat.  Nicole and Liz got there next.  You could tell it was really hot cuz sweat was pouring off of everybody.  Then they had to plant rice in a paddy.  I didn't envy them at all.  The chefs did comment on how back breaking the labor was.  Yeah, and just think people do it all their lives.  Lesson learned because one chef said they'd respect rice and never waste it again.  So John and Nookie came in first and their exceptional ingredient was advantages for the elimination challenge.  Jenna and Avery came in last and you could tell Avery was over the whole thing.  The chefs had to take over a foodstall and make as much money as they could by selling their dish.  John and Nookie's advantage was a 2nd dish to sell and that the last place team wouldn't be allowed to use heat to cook their dish.  I'm sure the heat inspired Nookie to make a beverage to sell which was smarter than you'd think because they were able to stretch it by adding water.  Nicole and Liz made a stir fry that was delicious but declared Chinese and they ran out of food before the end of the night.  Jenna and Avery wisely watched a Thai lady make green papaya salad Thai style but a dish that hasn't any protein has a lower price.  These ladies never heard of ceviche?  They never said they had to make Thai dishes and I think the people would've enjoyed American dishes from these obvious foreigners.  In the end, Nookie and John made the most bucks and John was declared most valuable chef.  Jenna and Avery made the best dish and won an extra 150 Baht.  BFD, if the other teams sold 4 dishes, they'd make more than that.  The vote came to a tie between Jenna and Liz.  It was interesting because Avery and Nicole voted for their own teammate.  John got rid of his biggest irritant; Jenna.  Bye Jenna, go speak Italian to someone who wants to hear you.  I'm sure there's someone out there.  Next stop is Hong Kong.  I can't wait.


Hell's Kitchen had weirdly chopped up episodes.  They started out w/ the chefs making Mexican dishes head to head.  The food seem a little too frou frou but I guess it's that fine dining thing.  All the dishes were criticized for not using enough chili peppers but oh well, the women won.  Brian groused that his dish was the best but was the one dropped for tasting.  Whatever.  The women were treated to a nice lunch and the day off from the punishment.  That evening, the fish and scallops seemed to flummox the chefs again and the diners had to subsist on the apps.  There were nominations but no decision.  The episode was to be continued. Argh!  So the next episode, Ramsay made the decision to boot out that blonde girl who royally messed up and sent out raw pork.  Kimmie was punching things and really hot about being called out.  She's kind of scary.  The next challenge was to cook dishes for clothes designers.  In the world of fashionable skinny people, they don't want to eat much but they do want a great flavor in a small bite:  light, fresh, and spicy.  So the dishes come up and each one was declared a little bland.  Good Lord!  Did the chefs not hear the word spicy?  Tiffany thinks fried eggplant is light and was told no.  The men pull out the win and are treated to a shopping spree and lunch.  How funny is that?  The women had to clean up and prep for tons of salsa for that night.  Here's where I really got mad.  They didn't even show the dinner service and did another to be continued.  Hey!  Stop that!


Masterchef had the cooks split into 2 teams and cook outside for the military.  The red team's leader decided to serve thick pork chops w/ grilled potatoes and coleslaw.  The blue team's leader decided to be Italian and make a light pasta dish.  The skinny oriental guy was called out for cooking food unseasoned and w/ no oil on the grill.  Yo!  When being yelled at for not having salt and pepper on your veggies that you're cooking, start calling for salt and pepper.  Geez.  When it came to service, the blue team had the blind chick dropping the grilled chicken on top of the pasta.  They all proved they had poor planning because the food would run out.  The thick pork chops had to be pounded thin but in the end, the military people proved they just want hearty food and the red team won.  For the elimination challenge, the people of the blue team had to each make an apple pie.  When making a pie, make sure to have a bottom crust.  The skinny oriental guy had a weird idea to have no bottom crust and cheese in the top crust.  It didn't work and he was sent home.  For the next challenge the cooks had to work w/ offal and what a gross pile of meat it was:  sheep head w/ brain in it, thymus gland of a cow, kidneys and livers and Ew!  In the end, Ryan made the best dish of fried sweetbreads (thymus gland).  Ick!  He was given the choice of protein to give to his competitors: fresh or canned crab.  He also assigned which each person would cook w/.  Crab takes a lot of prep when it's fresh so it was very wise that the blind chick made a appetizer.  She and the tall black guy were declared the winners and Helene was sent home.  Good cuz that woman had a weird palate.


Well, that's about it.  Sorry I was late w/ the post but better late than never.  There are other reality shows showing but I don't like the voyeuristic type, refuse to watch any Jersey people, hate all the housewives, and can't stand those stupid dating shows.  Am I picky?  You'd better believe it.  I can tell you what they all show though; a lot of fighting, yelling, mugging for the camera and phony people being drunk.


Until next time people enjoy the shows and stay tuned.

No Guarantee

Sorry folks, but I had a hard time keeping up w/ my shows and watching them fully due to Jury Duty.  It's really hard to get other stuff done at the same time and really focus on the TV so usually I had the shows running while doing 2 other things. How do people do the 5 day a week job and get anything done at home?  Anyway, I'll write what I know.

Food Network Star had the contestant teams do food themes:  Gameday, Halloween and cooking for kids.  The teams also had to do their own little show segment w/ Guy Fieri.  Needless to say, it was very hard for the contestants to overshadow Guy cuz he has energy and charisma out the wazoo and he's very experienced being in front of the camera.  I do have to say though, he did a good job of not making the segments about him.  Justin made fried fish bones for his Halloween theme.  Kudos to him for deboning sardines.  Holy cats, that's like picking threads out of a seam when you're sewing.  They also didn't have all day to do their dishes either.  As usual, Marty couldn't shut up and poor Emily had to talk like an auctioneer cuz she had little more than a minute to introduce her dish, idea and be charming.  The Gameday group was kind of a snoresville.  Chicken wings, sliders and cookies?  Really?  How about just a nutritional suppository and a beer?  I really felt sorry for the group cooking for kids.  When cooking for kids, you really should keep it simple and focus on fun.  Spaghetti squash, green smoothies didn't really go over well.  I did notice the one kid who said they liked everything was kind of chubby.  She'd probably happily eat dog food.  The personal pizzas were a good idea but too complicated.  Okay well this time 2 teams were declared the winners w/ the bottom 2 coming from 1 team.  Poor Alton's team were the losers and they had the hardest time since Halloween is specifically seasonal and themed.  Judson and, I think, Emily landed in the bottom.  I was very surprised Marty didn't land in the bottom but her stuffed mushrooms must've been really delicious or else she used the hallucinogenic mushrooms.  I knew this was no contest.  Emily is a great cook, clever and very charming and fun on camera.  Yep, Judson was sent home which is too bad.  He was just grasping onto a good theme to his cooking:  Healthy, tasty weight loss food.  We need that.  Too bad his presentations came over like boring church sermons.

American Ninja Warrior went to the NorthWest.  I think this course was a little easier because the people didn't have to use the mini tramp but just once.  Yes the slider bar was tricky but if the guys took their time, it was totally doable.   I notice, the name of the game is to finish the course and many times, haste makes waste.  I'm very surprised that experienced guys who have done the Japan courses are totally wiping out.  It was nice to see a couple women actually made it through the first couple of obstacles but couldn't get the spring out of the mini tramp that they needed.  Maybe they need to make a women's edition of the show.  I have to say, this show stays at a high level of interest due to changes of region, participants and courses.  They could really back off of those stupid player profiles.  Really, how many times do you have to remind us someone has diabetes?  Ugh.  I love the bottom line on this show:  No excuses, no do-overs and no whining.

America's Got Talent was in Texas.  The acts looked a lot like last year except for that guy who did sand pictures on a big screen and kept altering them to make a story to a song.  Really awesome talent.  How about the 2 guys balancing on each other?  The amazing part was, the smaller guy was always holding up the bigger guy.  There was a fat chick trying to do a sexy pole dance.  Why didn't the judges buzz her the minute she walked onstage.  I'll never be able to eat butter again.  It was totally cringeworthy and we were all wondering when that pole would just break and fall over.  I love when fatties fall and bounce.  It happens on Biggest Loser and I LOL everytime.  They are doing more montages of buzzed acts.   That's always fun but only if they do them one right after another.  I hate how they do backstories and sob stories of the total losers.  Next!

I watched Love in the Wild.  It's a kind of Survivor meets Amazing Race meets a dating show.  Men and women who don't know each other pair up to make teams to do tasks and reach a finish mat.  Jenny McCarthy hosts.  I wanna ask Jenny, "What the heck has happened to your face?"  I hardly recognize her and you can't say it's just age.  She's a good host with frank humor but she could be better if she were more snarky but I'll bet the producers won't let her.  The contestants run the gamut of high school jock, wallflower, prom queen, spoiled brats, drama queens, douchebags and brainless bimbos and dumb asses.  Some are a mix of more than one.  The teams had to jump off a cliff into water (BFD) and then chase and catch a certain kind of chicken and it was so funny when they'd catch one and find it wasn't the right kind.  I have a feeling they've never seen a chicken in it's live animal form.  There was some kind of gondola ride that one girl freaked out about.  Whatever.  It was her opportunity to clutch onto the guy.  Anyway, I didn't really care who came in first or last.  The winners get posh digs to sleep in and the losers get to camp out rustic style.  The show tries to make the discomfort more than it is and I have a feeling they have to scour the footage to find anyone whining about the camping out.  These contestants had been forewarned about it.  Finally, the couples face the host.  Here's where you know it doesn't matter if they came in last.  Each person had the choice to stay w/ their partner of the moment or switch to someone else.  One guy made the mistake of pranking a girl by smearing cake in her hair.  She didn't take it well and dropped him like a hot potato.  She probably had expensive extensions.  The guy on the total loser team was a charmer cuz more than one girl wanted him on her team which left his partner out in the cold.  So there it is.  I hate dating shows and the challenges really don't have anything to do w/ who gets sent home.  Ick.  I'm done.  Maybe I'll be interested if someone gets malaria or breaks a bone.

Model Latina is only a half hour this season.  It's terrible.  You can tell the production people are totally over it and not putting their best work forward.  They have the same photographer all of the time and he's a judge.  The girls are terribly amateur and immature and the casting has scraped the bottom of the barrell.  The judging is half hearted and the whole show just feels like they're using it as a commercial for their sponsors like Dominos and Orbit gum.  If they were going to cut it to only half an hour, they may as well have not done the show at all.  Too bad because previous seasons were really fun and interesting to watch.

Hell's Kitchen woke up the chefs at the crack of dawn to chase sheep w/ ingredient names on the collars.  That was hilarious to watch but I would've like more faceplants but maybe it didn't happen.  That's why pigs are more fun cuz there's mud involved.  I thought they should've included some really crazy ingredients on the collars like marshmallows and vegemite.  Then the chefs went to the kitchen to make lamb dishes w/ their ingredients.  The guys won the day and went to the races.  I'm not sure what the punishment was except cleaning up and prepping.  All I know is, their lunch consisted of rocky mountain oysters that weren't cooked in an appetizing way at all.  Much puking ensued.  Yay!  For some odd reason, Barbie is the hated chef on the women's team and it's kind of a mystery.  Yes, she folds at dinner service but I can't see much of anything else so you know there has to be a lot of stuff not shown cuz it seems everybody hates her.  The guys get along pretty good so when they lose, their nominations for the boot are pretty fair.  You sucked, you're up.  The dinner service is pretty bad w/ the diners not getting very many entrees.  Scallops and fish seem to flummox both teams.  Oh BTW, I made a mistake.  In the last 2 episodes, nice chefs who totally messed up their fish were sent home.  Ok, well this time Barbie and a white chick were up and the bad fish guy and...oh I don't know were up.  A guy was sent home.  So the next morning the challenge is to serve breakfast to Military people.  It was very weird w/ what seemed lunch or dinner entree food.  Where were the eggs and pancakes?  The women finished first and their prize was a private jet ride to someplace nice.   The men had to clean up and prep.  That night at dinner service, one chef from each team had to wait tables.  The steaks and beef wellington seemed to be the thing that killed everyone.  Somehow the men ran out of cod w/out even serving any.  I love when the women are declared the winners and don't like it.  They really want to send Barbie home but Ramsay's keeping her for dramatic reasons.  Sorry ladies but you're going to be stuck w/ her all season.  If I were them, I'd make sure everybody does a really great job on their stations and make her stick out like a sore thumb.  Anyway, another guy bit the dust.  I miss Ramsay kicking the trashcan, splatting the fish, throwing food and pushing people out of the way.  I don't even think he's called anyone a donkey yet either.  Is this Ramsay light?  Is Ramsay as much fun to watch?  Not so much.

MasterChef is finally cooking at stations.  First the cooks were given a bowl of ground beef to do whatever they wanted to make w/ it.  Some of the dishes looked...interesting.  For some odd reason, nobody made a burger.  These are home cooks for a reason.  Make a burger and make it the most delicious burger ever.  They also seemed to have access to incredible ingredients: truffle oil, chanterelle mushrooms, fine cheeses, caviar, wines, etc.  Some seemed to want to try new innovative dishes they've never cooked before w/ ingredients they've never had before.  That's kind of dumb when you consider they're under a time constraint.  This is no time to practice!  So there were 3 groups:  definitely in, definitely out and judges wanna taste the dish.  This is when I'm really curious.  What were the great dishes and what were the total dogs?  In the end, they whittled the group by about 35% less.  The next episode the cooks were given a mystery basket which included eggplant, lamb, etc.  This time, they called up 3 people.  I loved one guy was all cocky and thought he was bringing up an award winning dish.  They were told they were the dogfood dish of the day.  Hee hee...I was LMAO!  The weird thing was, the dishes didn't look bad but must've tasted terrible.  Even Graham pulled faces.  2 people were booted and a lady was declared the winner.  She had the opportunity to choose a dish that the judges deemed difficult for everyone to try their hand at.  She chose risotto.  She also had the choice to not cook at all and not be in the competition.  She wisely chose to sit out.  At this point, it's hard for the judges to remember who you are and what you've cooked but when there's only a few cooks, they're going to want to demonstrate cooking chops.  The dishes ranged from lumps of rice balls to rice soups to weird ingredients w/ rice.  Note to cooks, don't serve risotto w/ fruit in it to an Italian.  One guy's risotta was truly a "what the hell is that?" dish.  The cocky guy loser from the first round actually won this one and a guy was given the boot.  Crunchy risotto rice is really a no no.

Around the World in 80 plates was still in Italy but in the Parma region.  The chefs had to hunt for underripe marked wheels of cheese and transport them to a shop.  Then they had to scavenger hunt for food items.  Nicole had immunity and I have a feeling she really took advantage of it.  After getting all their ingredients, they had to check into another place.  Nicole crossed off an item causing it to be missed so when they checked in, they actually had to go back and get the item.  Meanwhile, Jenna on the red team was driving the locals crazy w/ her over pronounced Italian.  Nobody likes a poser.  So even though she knows the language, her team still couldn't find their way around.  I also didn't like the idea of rolling the cheese wheels on the ground when you consider they use the rind in cooking.  Ick!  At least the Dutch have a thick coating of wax covering their cheese wheels but then again, they are known for being sticklers for cleanliness.  In the end, the red team of Liz, Jenna and John won.  Their exceptional ingredient was an extra hour in the kitchen and a dinner served by a local Italian chef.  They also had the option of having the other team eat w/ them or let them be on their own for the evening.  Jenna didn't want the other team getting local flavor and ideas so both teams ate together but at separate tables.  Jenna had the Italian chef tell tips in Italian.  I thought it was a clever idea and I would've totally done the same thing.  So the teams basically made the same dishes cuz the requirements were to make an appetizer, pasta course and meat course and the pasta had to be tortellini.  Well, needless to say, there wasn't a whole lot of discussion as to what to make.  Avery proved she wasn't as great as she thinks she is and her pasta was declared oriental tasting.  Oh boy!  The Red Team had some weird sweet and sour sauce on their cheese appetizer.  Nicole ruined her meat course w/ poor prepping which Nick pointed out.  This is where I think she was doing real sabotage because no matter how you cooked it, it was going to be tough and tasteless.  The Italians showed they're not Americans and declared a dish too cheesy and loved John's tortellini.  This time, he didn't dump any food on the floor.  They also couldn't find much footage of the people raving over the black team's food and the red team did win w/ John the winner.  Crap!  Another week of Jenna, we have to sit through.  So the black team deliberates and Nick proves he's an idiot.  It's a team of 4.  Nookie and Avery are BFF's and aren't going to vote for each other so he should've been kissing Nicole's ass like crazy to force a tie.  Instead, he berates and criticizes her cooking skills.  It's no surprise Nick got the boot.  Too bad.  He's the last of the hotties excluding women but I can't really judge that.  Next week, they go to Thailand.  I'm so glad Sai isn't there and I'll be interested to see how the chefs do in a country where nobody speaks the language.

Dallas has returned and it's really good.  Yes, the 3rd generation is trying to carry the storyline but I have a feeling, they're not going to be able to stick w/ that.  Hagman, Duffy and Gray are still main actors and they haven't lost anything in the years.  Hagman could use an eyebrow trim but man, he's still compelling and charismatic.  There's one brief scene w/ him and Gray where you can see the chemistry is still strong.  You still feel the push pull of the brothers.  JR's son throws the fact that Christopher (Bobby's son) is adopted in his face reminding him he's not truly a Ewing.  There's a love triangle w/ misunderstandings and reignited flames and the usual fight over land and oil.  John Ross is proving the apple doesn't fall far from the tree but he's not nearly as cunning as his father.  OMG!  I love it.  They kept the beautiful theme music which is quite nostalgic since I played it so much in marching band.  The opening of the show is about the same except they don't show the actors w/ their names on them.  The characters of Lucy and Ray Krebbs showed up for cameos at the wedding which was fun and makes us hopeful that they might eventually be included in the show.  Everybody feels the absence of Pamela (Victoria Principal) and it might take awhile for us older people to warm up to Bobby's wife, Anne.  The new actors are strong and the writing is even stronger.  They remembered the show really is all about family dynamics and Southfork.  All I know is, I'm in for this show but I like to watch it on Friday night like the old days. 

The Summer Olympics are coming.  I'm usually quite excited but not so much this time.  There are things that have taken the fun and quirkiness out of it.  There are no true amateur athletes anymore.  There are requirements to compete and if you don't meet them, you're not going.  That's too bad because in the old days, there were little countries that would send athletes who were there just to try their best and have the experience of socializing w/ other athletes from other countries.  I'll bet there's not much socializing in the Olympic Village w/ that kind of competitiveness.  It also means there's not much unpredictability like the old days where a total unknown could surprise everyone and win the day or at least win a medal.  Now, it's more like we kind of root against people.  That's not the spirit of friendly ambassadorial competition.  It also pisses me off that people don't know about retiring and letting the next generation in.  What the heck is w/ athletes being in 4 Olympics?  That's at least 12 years.  Really?  You can't step aside and let someone else try?  I want to tell people, if you've won the gold, take it and go.  Rarely do people get better with age; especially when they're 30 or older.  You're a 40 yr old Olympian?  Yeah, I'm not impressed.  I'm pissed that we have a long shot and you're it.  It probably means you got lucky at the trials.  Also, you're a liability so go strain your knees, ankles and backs somewhere else.  I saw gymnastics and was actually angry to see Sacramone trying to make the Olympic trials.  Go away!  You were no help last time and you're 4 years older.  Go waggle your arms and legs and fall off the beam somewhere else.  Ugh, I'm so over it.  Break a leg and this time I mean it.

CBS is showing the remaining episodes of How to Be a Gentleman.  We know this is the end of it so we're not investing too much into it but I still enjoy it.  One episode had the nice guy a little more neurotic for about 5 minutes and I think that was what was lacking.  A neurotic nice guy getting through life w/ a friend who's a smart jerk.  Wasn't that the Odd Couple?  Yes, but it worked.  Instead of a polar opposite dynamic, the show just has a flatline of irritating buddy buddies. 

Well, that's about it.  I'm sorry if I messed up any facts but that's the limit of my aging brain.  Until next time people.  Stay tuned.

What's Cookin'?

I'm so glad to see shows returning.  Now there's a bunch of cooking reality competition shows.  I don't know why, but I love to watch people cook.  Maybe it's because I can't and I like to learn about anything.  You can learn a lot by watching people.  Ok, so on to the shows.

Food Network Star (formerly known as The Next Food Network Star) challenged it's contestants to modernize an old dish.  I thought they were going to drag out Joan Rivers and Paula Deen but no, they meant food dishes.  I have to ask, what's wrong w/ these comfort dishes and why do they need to be made over?  The reason they've lasted through the ages is because they're freakin' delicious.  Also, they have to make the dish fashionable so they're trying to mix Top Chef w/ Project Runway.  Whatever.  Making a dish fashionable is stupid unless they're making the clothes out of food.  No, they just send models down a short runway holding a plate of food.  Ok, so it really wasn't about the look of the food at all. It was all about how the contestant described and presented their food and how it tasted.  I swear, I saw Top Models in the show.  So the judges seemed to love the deep fried spring rolls of Eric but he still landed in the bottom; very confusing.  Also in the bottom, is Ippy.  I do have to say, someone slipped a valium in Ippy's breakfast or he did a couple of tokes.  I love when people say, "I can do better."  Well, there's no time like the present you idiot!  For the on-camera presentation, they just have to taste a stuffed french toast and describe it.  They declared Eric too clinical and out he goes.  Aw...too bad.  His Harry Potter wand only worked on his food.  I do have to say, the makeup on the people looked much more natural.  Thank you producers and send that fired cosmetologist back to clown college where she belongs.

Yay!  Hell's Kitchen has returned and it's just as good as ever.  Gordon Ramsey may not be that good looking but he's got charisma to cover anybody and you have to respect his chef skills.  The chefs all seem to be professional.  I like that.  Everytime they have someone who says they're home cooks just makes you want to throw food at the TV.  One thing that sets cooks apart from chefs is the ability to organize a kitchen and make it run smoothly.  Maybe they're all pros because this time Ramsey is looking for a head chef in his own steakhouse.  I'm not sure Vegas needs another celeb restaurant but ok.  So the show starts w/ some kitchy fake shaving head thing but whatever.  I'm mad they wasted time on that.  The chefs have to make a dish and they're not bad.  There are a couple of duds from braggarts but in the end, the women's team wins.  I wish they'd do away w/ men vs. women but it's Ramsey's show.  The women get to eat w/ 2 past winners of the show but the real reward is not having to do the punishment.  That evening the teams can't organize w/ each other and everyone's frazzled by the pace.  As usual, both kitchens are shut down before the people are really fed.  The women's team wins due to the fact they did serve all their appetizers.  The men put the executive chef black guy who shredded the scallops and that bulgy eyed white doofus who couldn't seem to make a salad.  Both guys claim they'll do better.  Well what were they saving it for?  So the black guy gets the boot.  Yeah, go brag to the bums on the corner.  The chefs then get woken up at about 6:30 am and have to dig scallops out of huge mountains of ice.  Royce gets bammed in the face w/ a scallop (in the shell).  I agree w/ the tall skinny guy, wah wah wah.  They take their scallops and Ramsey shows them how they're supposed to be cooked and served.  For some odd reason, the men can't replicate the dish at all and the women win.  Personally, I prefer scallops sashimi style so obviously I don't know how to cook them either.  The prize is a trip to Catalina.  Meanwhile, the men are cleaning up and have used scallop smoothies for lunch.  Ick.  I thought there'd be some puking but no.  That evening, the teams are a little better meshed but still not grooving together.  The women can't seem to cook the Wellingtons to save their lives and the men are having scallop troubles again.  I'll bet they never want to see another scallop after the show, ever again.  Once again, the people don't get fed much.  Both teams are declared the losers.  The women are catty and put the annoying black lady and the quiet innocent girl on the chopping block.  The men nominate Royce and the guy who couldn't cook the scallops.  In the end Royce was booted.  One homely guy down, about 5 more to go.  Actually, there's only about 3 good looking guys on the show and Chef Scott is one of them.  I think if you're going to be involved in a visual medium, you need to be at least a little good looking.  I can't stand totally homely people on TV because you have to look at them.

Master Chef is also back.  It's in the audition stages and it's still the same format w/ the contestants doing the main prep and then finishing in front of the trinity.  I'm very surprised to find very few unanimous decisions but maybe they've just planned it that way for dramatic purposes.  Graham Bowles usually likes most anything but he seems to be picky this year; it needs more salt, it's a little overcooked, it's a little undercooked, etc.  Oh my.  Bastianich is not as assholey as he usually is but I still don't like him.  If there were servers, he'd be stealing their tips.  Ramsey seems like the tired old man and seems to be the one who likes most of the dishes.  That's weird.  There's quite an array of contestants w/ different sob stories.  Ick.  Shut up and cook!  I can't believe they let a blind woman in.  Isn't she a liability hazard?  If she accidentally stabs or burns someone, I'm going to LOL.  It's not like she's at home w/ braille labels everywhere.  I'm anxious to get the show on the road so I'm glad the auditions are done.  Maybe a guy will win this year.

American Ninja Warrior went to the NorthEast and I can't believe they're in Florida.  Since when is that NorthEast?  They really made people travel that far?  The course seems a little easier and less chancey.  No women make it through the prelims.  Still, the guys are amazing.  Everytime the hosts say mini-tramp, I LOL thinking they're talking about Snookie.

America's Got Talent went to Texas and Miami.  I don't know why, but the acts are getting boring.  Maybe it's because very few people have any original ideas.  No wonder the judges are letting one shot wonder novelty acts through.  How come there aren't any light shows like last year?

Around the World in 80 Plates went to Northern Italy.  The teams were decided by a reverse playground pick.  Nick and Gary chose chefs for the others' team.  As soon as they land in Italy, they're off.  First they have to find a shop and taste a riboletti.  I thought it looked delicious until I realized the bread bowl was just the serving vessel.  The stew actually looks like the contents of a baby diaper.  Then they have to go to a dessert shop and guess the food that's mistaken for cheese.  Who knew ricotta wasn't cheese?  All of the Americans, that's who.  Nick's team finds the right local and gets the win on that round.  Meanwhile Jenna is speaking Italian more authentically than the Italians.  Very interesting, but...stupid.  Then they jump in a car that's name is mentioned about a thousand times and go to a villa.  Nick's team gets there first and wins the exceptional ingredient that turns out to be an old Italian lady who doesn't speak any English.  I don't know what their hurry was, but they have no patience to just let the lady cook while they watched and they send her away before she makes anything.  Needless to say, she's offended and the feeling seems to spread to her family and the whole village.  The chefs get cooking and then turn in for the night.  Note to chefs; don't put your food on high unstable shelves.  Next morning John lifts his pot on the end of the shelf and the pot on the other end tumbles to the floor.  Unfortunately, it's the darn signature twice boiled stew that's required.  Ugh.  Someone has slipped valium into his breakfast because he takes a few minutes to stare at the mess, slowly sweep it up and contemplate the remains in the pot.  At this point, I really want to shove a firecracker up his keester.  The team hears the news and surprisingly takes it well.  As usual, we hear a lot of negative criticism about one team's food and tah dah!  They win!  Nick's team is the winner.  Nicole is declared Most Valuable Chef.  Italians really want meat in their meat course and Nicole's sausage and meatballs must've hit the spot.  Gary is voted out and I'm very sad.  Gary is the best looking sexiest guy on the show and totally balances out Nookie's serious ugly.  Now the only good looking guy is Nick but he lacks sexy.  Oh well.  I'll miss you and your t-shirts, Gary.  I hope there'll be a reunion show.

Of course there are shows like Chopped, Sweet Genius and Cupcake Champions on Food Network.  They're fun to watch because there's a whole different set of contestants for each show.  It's a one shot deal and the shows involve a lot of luck.  I feel sorry for people who just have bad luck.  They forget a required ingredient?  Out they go.  They burn something?  Out they go.  They run out of time and the food is uncooked?  Out they go.  Ya gotta feel for these people cuz you know they're walking away saying, "I know how to cook!"  The judges are kind of harsh except Ben Isreal who is just kind of creepy.  The nice thing about these shows is, you don't have to worry about watching them out of sequence.

Well, that seems to be all for now.  Dallas is returning after 30 years of hiatus.  I can't wait.  Larry Hagman may be old but hey, that guy's still got it.  The returning characters seem to be JR, Bobby and Sue Ellen.  I hope they bring back more.

Until then fellow TV junkies, stay tuned.

Coming and Going

Hello all.  Well, it's summer and the TV networks know people would rather be at the beach so they offer little fare.  That isn't a good idea because w/ 500 channels of something else to watch, people get invested in shows on other channels very easily.  Then when the new season comes on, the TV audience has it's attention elsewhere.  The networks and stars also grouse about reality shows but people are shy about watching a new series when so many of them have been cut right when people got really interested in them.  There have been times when I've recommended a series and my friends have found it's been cancelled.  Reality shows don't really have that ongoing plotpoint thing so it's easy to let them go when they're over.  Competition reality is even better because rarely are they ever cancelled before the end. Ok, let's get to the shows.

Food Network Star had a really difficult competition and the network got to highlight one of it's most popular shows at the same time.  The contestants had to do a Chopped competition.  All the dishes had to be desserts.  As usual, they threw in some weird items that shouldn't be in desserts like capers, cheese, etc.  The Chopped judges were there to watch, comment and judge.  Most of the contestants put their heads down and just cooked.  That one Southern lady got chatty and Alton basically told her to shut up and cook.  LOL!  Maybe that's why men like women who cook and keep house; so they don't have to listen to them yap.  In the end, she was criticized for making a dish that was too simple showing she talked more than she cooked.  I have to say, that one Asian guy who makes handmade ingredients is impressive.  He must be using magic cuz all of a sudden, bam!  His dish is there and it's great.  Harry Potter is that you?  In the end, the 2 people on the bottom were that wild haired rocker chef from Giada's team and that chatty Southern lady.  They were challenged to make their best dish.  I knew that wild haired rocker guy had blown all his chances to impress and he was sent home.  Bye Dude!  You look cool, but you need to buy a personality that's real.

Model Latina is a competition modeling show on Nuvo for, wait for it...Latin women.  It's not new but new to me since this is the first season I've seen the beginning.  They used to tell where each Latin country the woman had roots in but they didn't do that this year.  This show is interesting because it takes women who wouldn't even be considered for modeling.  Some are short, some are not skinny, some are too old for modeling and some are even quite homely.  One of the judges is a photographer who does most of the shoots.  That's a good way to save money.  The only problem is, you can tell he's getting totally bored w/ the job.  There's a lot of eye rolling and sighing from him.  Each season seems to have a new host who I've never heard of but oh well, it does show it is all about the girls and not about the host; unlike the Tyra Banks show.  The first show had the girls introducing themselves, moving into the house and then doing a runway show in front of the judges.  Maybe I'm not a good judge of model walks but some of the ones I thought were good the judges hated and some of the ones I didn't like the judges liked.  Hmmm....  The only ones I was right about were the obvious ones.  The prize for the winner is a dinner date w/ a judge.  The girl got totally berated for bringing along another girl.  In this biz, you want to make friends not have your seams cut before the photoshoot or hair cut when you're sleeping.  Anyway, everybody thought someone was going to be eliminated, but no.  For the 2nd episode, yes they had 2 in a row.  For goodness sake, why didn't they just start the season, one week earlier?  Anyway, for the 2nd episode, the girls had to do an underwater photoshoot in bathing suits in a pool.  I always feel bad for the girls who are afraid of water because they're exposed in front of millions of people.  I loved one of the judges asking, "You take baths and showers don't you?"  It's not the same.  That water is controlled and not deep.  I don't think I've ever heard of someone drowning in a shower.  I do have to say, those bathing suits were really gorgeous.  In the end, nobody was eliminated.  Is this a competition show or not?  I also wish the judges were snarkier cuz last season, I loved when the girls would cry during or after the judging.  It really feeds my schaudenfrueda thing ha ha ha.

I was right.  American Ninja Warrior is the same but it's still exciting.  Those guys are amazing and that obstacle course is no joke.  I feel sorry for the guys who go first and early because the other guys really learn from watching the mistakes.  I love when a guy tries to do a fancy hot dogging move and totally wipes out.  There are no 2nd chances on this show.  There's a youth pastor who is impressive and really shows persistence is the key.  He's not fast but he does finish the course and that's all that matters.  Some guys have been training for years and it shows.  Some just think they can do this course because they're athletic and they show it takes a little brains, a little luck and lots of preparation.  There's a lot of oh-ing from the audience and you never know if it's good or bad so you really have to watch.  All I can say is, "Wow!"  I wish they'd do a little less player profiles and more showing of the other people trying to get through the course.  I do like that they give women a chance but the women can't seem to get through the first obstacle.  Bring on the transgenders!  Ha ha ha.  Okay, I would suggest watching on G4 channel since they show all of the competition and not just the regional finals like NBC does.

America's Got Talent is still auditioning.  Someone must be reading comments because they're showing more acts.  Ok, so they're showing about 10 seconds of acts but at least we're seeing that they have more then 6 acts hitting the stage.  I'm sorry, but everytime an act gets 3 buzzes in quick succession, I fall on the floor laughing.  I love that Howard Stern is the least bullshit tolerant.  I like that the judges aren't falling for blatant ass kissing.  People try to flatter them and still get buzzed; Haw Haw.  Some people look like they're going to be totally lame and turn out to be quite impressive.  Some people look like they're going to be quite impressive and turn out to be totally lame.  Well, the season is early so we'll see what really stands out this year.  I'm noticing people are getting low in unique and fresh ideas and a lot of acts are starting to look like things we've seen in past seasons.  That's not going to work.

America's Next Top Model finally had it's finale.  The 2 girls had to shoot a commercial, do a final photoshoot and then a runway show.  At one point we found Laura writhing and crying on the floor.  Was she dying?  Nope, it was just a panic attack.  I thought this girl was tough.  Meanwhile, Sophie the Brit is breezing through all the tasks and making it look easy.  The runway show was really cool and showed a lot of innovation w/ projections and lights.  One thing I notice is, they didn't bring back last season's winner to open the runway show.  Thank the gods cuz Lisa is old and homely.  In the end, Tyra gave her long speech, the judges mulled over the girls' good and bad points and Sophie was declared the winner.  Yay!  She totally deserved it and I'm LOL that a Brit is America's Next Top Model.  Yep, Tyra, you've scraped the bottom of the American barrel.

Around the World In 80 Plates went to Morocco.  I hope I spelled that right.  I had no idea they spoke French there.  This time, the group is split into 3 teams.  Hmmm...the white team is white people, the black team is black people and the red team is mixed.  Maybe they should pick other colors.  The challenges are to first ID and buy spices in a mix w/ a weird name.  I don't understand why they can't find cinnamon.  Really?  Aren't they chefs w/ a sense of smell?  Everybody's pushy and shovey but the black team wins that round even though they came to the shop last.  Then the teams have to do that tea pouring thing that Moroccans love to do.  It's messy and the Americans make it look stupid.  The reason you do it slowly and gracefully is so you don't disturb the tea leaves in the pot but the Americans do it fast and clumsy.  The poor guide and judge guy is about to pull his hair out.  You can tell the very minute he gives up and says to himself, "Whatever."  The white team wins and gets the exceptional ingredient which is not an ingredient.  It's a local guy who can show them the ropes and translate.  Since all the teams have to cook a tagine, all the teams go off to taste one.  Finally they go to their hotel and eat again.  You can tell the chefs aren't paying the hotel tabs cuz everything is swanky.  Then the chefs hit the market and get cooking.  There's a bit of a fiasco w/ waiters who don't speak English and missing beets hot out of the oven.  How come the wait staff had them?  Since when do you serve food out of humongous roasting pans?  I have a feeling the wait staff was hungry.  What?  There's no craft services?  Chaz proves he's an idiot by opening his mouth and that he can't cook by cooking couscous and roasted vegetables sans vegetables in 2 hours.  Nookie had a good point.  What the heck was he doing the whole time when couscous only takes 20 minutes to make and it was served cold?  Chaz tries to blame the time loss on arguing over the beets but Avery had told him to shut up about it.  Who knows?  Maybe they just didn't show Chaz grousing in the corner for an hour and a half.  Oh, so he's not just an idiot, he's a douchebag too.  Liz does front of house for her team and she and Jenna are getting along.  Jenna and Nicole have vowed never to not serve dessert and their team is the only one to serve one.  They prove sweet tooths live all over the world and I loved the people sneaking off w/ other peoples' desserts.  Curtis and Cat ask the diners which team they liked and the diners say white team.  Tah Dah!  Red team is the winner.  Liz is declared the winning chef.  This time the chefs are better about taking credit for their dishes.  Nookie does a really good job of diversion.  So the black team votes all for Avery and the white team votes all for Chaz.  Liz breaks the tie w/ a very wise choice and boots Chaz.  Yay!  Thank you Liz, all the world will be sending you a lovely gift basket at Christmas.  All I can say is, I'm still liking Gary because he's hot stuff and I like his t-shirt.  Now that the really annoying people are gone, I'm wondering who's next since the eliminations are up to the chefs?  Well, we'll see.

Melissa and Joey is back and it's just as funny as ever.  They've moved Joey into his own pad but very close to Melissa's house so now if they put them together, it's not going to be weird.  The theme this season seems to be Melissa's home renovation.  This is a good illustration of the burst housing bubble.  You bought a crappy house and now you have to live in it.  There's less focus on the kids but I have a feeling it's only because the season is early.  These kids are amazing cuz they look the same as last season.  I'm thinking they must be older than their characters.  Rhea Perlman and Danny Devito's daughter is so cute, you just want to put her in your purse like a toy dog and she really has a spunky personality.  The cast chemistry is great and both the lead people have tons of energy to spare that keeps the show moving.  Thank you ABC Family channel for a multicam sitcom that's fun to watch.

I'm really looking forward to the return of Hell's Kitchen and Masterchef.  There's really something about that Gordon Ramsey that we just can't get enough of.  Maybe its that he says to people exactly what we want to say to people.  I wish he'd tell Joe Bastianich that he's a donkey's backside.  Just because your mother's a famous tv show cook and you own restaurants w/ people doesn't mean you have the cred to be a cooking show judge.  I'd like to see him cook once.

Well, that's it.  Still waiting for The Closer to begin it's final season.  Until next time people; stay tuned.