No Guarantee

Sorry folks, but I had a hard time keeping up w/ my shows and watching them fully due to Jury Duty.  It's really hard to get other stuff done at the same time and really focus on the TV so usually I had the shows running while doing 2 other things. How do people do the 5 day a week job and get anything done at home?  Anyway, I'll write what I know.

Food Network Star had the contestant teams do food themes:  Gameday, Halloween and cooking for kids.  The teams also had to do their own little show segment w/ Guy Fieri.  Needless to say, it was very hard for the contestants to overshadow Guy cuz he has energy and charisma out the wazoo and he's very experienced being in front of the camera.  I do have to say though, he did a good job of not making the segments about him.  Justin made fried fish bones for his Halloween theme.  Kudos to him for deboning sardines.  Holy cats, that's like picking threads out of a seam when you're sewing.  They also didn't have all day to do their dishes either.  As usual, Marty couldn't shut up and poor Emily had to talk like an auctioneer cuz she had little more than a minute to introduce her dish, idea and be charming.  The Gameday group was kind of a snoresville.  Chicken wings, sliders and cookies?  Really?  How about just a nutritional suppository and a beer?  I really felt sorry for the group cooking for kids.  When cooking for kids, you really should keep it simple and focus on fun.  Spaghetti squash, green smoothies didn't really go over well.  I did notice the one kid who said they liked everything was kind of chubby.  She'd probably happily eat dog food.  The personal pizzas were a good idea but too complicated.  Okay well this time 2 teams were declared the winners w/ the bottom 2 coming from 1 team.  Poor Alton's team were the losers and they had the hardest time since Halloween is specifically seasonal and themed.  Judson and, I think, Emily landed in the bottom.  I was very surprised Marty didn't land in the bottom but her stuffed mushrooms must've been really delicious or else she used the hallucinogenic mushrooms.  I knew this was no contest.  Emily is a great cook, clever and very charming and fun on camera.  Yep, Judson was sent home which is too bad.  He was just grasping onto a good theme to his cooking:  Healthy, tasty weight loss food.  We need that.  Too bad his presentations came over like boring church sermons.

American Ninja Warrior went to the NorthWest.  I think this course was a little easier because the people didn't have to use the mini tramp but just once.  Yes the slider bar was tricky but if the guys took their time, it was totally doable.   I notice, the name of the game is to finish the course and many times, haste makes waste.  I'm very surprised that experienced guys who have done the Japan courses are totally wiping out.  It was nice to see a couple women actually made it through the first couple of obstacles but couldn't get the spring out of the mini tramp that they needed.  Maybe they need to make a women's edition of the show.  I have to say, this show stays at a high level of interest due to changes of region, participants and courses.  They could really back off of those stupid player profiles.  Really, how many times do you have to remind us someone has diabetes?  Ugh.  I love the bottom line on this show:  No excuses, no do-overs and no whining.

America's Got Talent was in Texas.  The acts looked a lot like last year except for that guy who did sand pictures on a big screen and kept altering them to make a story to a song.  Really awesome talent.  How about the 2 guys balancing on each other?  The amazing part was, the smaller guy was always holding up the bigger guy.  There was a fat chick trying to do a sexy pole dance.  Why didn't the judges buzz her the minute she walked onstage.  I'll never be able to eat butter again.  It was totally cringeworthy and we were all wondering when that pole would just break and fall over.  I love when fatties fall and bounce.  It happens on Biggest Loser and I LOL everytime.  They are doing more montages of buzzed acts.   That's always fun but only if they do them one right after another.  I hate how they do backstories and sob stories of the total losers.  Next!

I watched Love in the Wild.  It's a kind of Survivor meets Amazing Race meets a dating show.  Men and women who don't know each other pair up to make teams to do tasks and reach a finish mat.  Jenny McCarthy hosts.  I wanna ask Jenny, "What the heck has happened to your face?"  I hardly recognize her and you can't say it's just age.  She's a good host with frank humor but she could be better if she were more snarky but I'll bet the producers won't let her.  The contestants run the gamut of high school jock, wallflower, prom queen, spoiled brats, drama queens, douchebags and brainless bimbos and dumb asses.  Some are a mix of more than one.  The teams had to jump off a cliff into water (BFD) and then chase and catch a certain kind of chicken and it was so funny when they'd catch one and find it wasn't the right kind.  I have a feeling they've never seen a chicken in it's live animal form.  There was some kind of gondola ride that one girl freaked out about.  Whatever.  It was her opportunity to clutch onto the guy.  Anyway, I didn't really care who came in first or last.  The winners get posh digs to sleep in and the losers get to camp out rustic style.  The show tries to make the discomfort more than it is and I have a feeling they have to scour the footage to find anyone whining about the camping out.  These contestants had been forewarned about it.  Finally, the couples face the host.  Here's where you know it doesn't matter if they came in last.  Each person had the choice to stay w/ their partner of the moment or switch to someone else.  One guy made the mistake of pranking a girl by smearing cake in her hair.  She didn't take it well and dropped him like a hot potato.  She probably had expensive extensions.  The guy on the total loser team was a charmer cuz more than one girl wanted him on her team which left his partner out in the cold.  So there it is.  I hate dating shows and the challenges really don't have anything to do w/ who gets sent home.  Ick.  I'm done.  Maybe I'll be interested if someone gets malaria or breaks a bone.

Model Latina is only a half hour this season.  It's terrible.  You can tell the production people are totally over it and not putting their best work forward.  They have the same photographer all of the time and he's a judge.  The girls are terribly amateur and immature and the casting has scraped the bottom of the barrell.  The judging is half hearted and the whole show just feels like they're using it as a commercial for their sponsors like Dominos and Orbit gum.  If they were going to cut it to only half an hour, they may as well have not done the show at all.  Too bad because previous seasons were really fun and interesting to watch.

Hell's Kitchen woke up the chefs at the crack of dawn to chase sheep w/ ingredient names on the collars.  That was hilarious to watch but I would've like more faceplants but maybe it didn't happen.  That's why pigs are more fun cuz there's mud involved.  I thought they should've included some really crazy ingredients on the collars like marshmallows and vegemite.  Then the chefs went to the kitchen to make lamb dishes w/ their ingredients.  The guys won the day and went to the races.  I'm not sure what the punishment was except cleaning up and prepping.  All I know is, their lunch consisted of rocky mountain oysters that weren't cooked in an appetizing way at all.  Much puking ensued.  Yay!  For some odd reason, Barbie is the hated chef on the women's team and it's kind of a mystery.  Yes, she folds at dinner service but I can't see much of anything else so you know there has to be a lot of stuff not shown cuz it seems everybody hates her.  The guys get along pretty good so when they lose, their nominations for the boot are pretty fair.  You sucked, you're up.  The dinner service is pretty bad w/ the diners not getting very many entrees.  Scallops and fish seem to flummox both teams.  Oh BTW, I made a mistake.  In the last 2 episodes, nice chefs who totally messed up their fish were sent home.  Ok, well this time Barbie and a white chick were up and the bad fish guy and...oh I don't know were up.  A guy was sent home.  So the next morning the challenge is to serve breakfast to Military people.  It was very weird w/ what seemed lunch or dinner entree food.  Where were the eggs and pancakes?  The women finished first and their prize was a private jet ride to someplace nice.   The men had to clean up and prep.  That night at dinner service, one chef from each team had to wait tables.  The steaks and beef wellington seemed to be the thing that killed everyone.  Somehow the men ran out of cod w/out even serving any.  I love when the women are declared the winners and don't like it.  They really want to send Barbie home but Ramsay's keeping her for dramatic reasons.  Sorry ladies but you're going to be stuck w/ her all season.  If I were them, I'd make sure everybody does a really great job on their stations and make her stick out like a sore thumb.  Anyway, another guy bit the dust.  I miss Ramsay kicking the trashcan, splatting the fish, throwing food and pushing people out of the way.  I don't even think he's called anyone a donkey yet either.  Is this Ramsay light?  Is Ramsay as much fun to watch?  Not so much.

MasterChef is finally cooking at stations.  First the cooks were given a bowl of ground beef to do whatever they wanted to make w/ it.  Some of the dishes looked...interesting.  For some odd reason, nobody made a burger.  These are home cooks for a reason.  Make a burger and make it the most delicious burger ever.  They also seemed to have access to incredible ingredients: truffle oil, chanterelle mushrooms, fine cheeses, caviar, wines, etc.  Some seemed to want to try new innovative dishes they've never cooked before w/ ingredients they've never had before.  That's kind of dumb when you consider they're under a time constraint.  This is no time to practice!  So there were 3 groups:  definitely in, definitely out and judges wanna taste the dish.  This is when I'm really curious.  What were the great dishes and what were the total dogs?  In the end, they whittled the group by about 35% less.  The next episode the cooks were given a mystery basket which included eggplant, lamb, etc.  This time, they called up 3 people.  I loved one guy was all cocky and thought he was bringing up an award winning dish.  They were told they were the dogfood dish of the day.  Hee hee...I was LMAO!  The weird thing was, the dishes didn't look bad but must've tasted terrible.  Even Graham pulled faces.  2 people were booted and a lady was declared the winner.  She had the opportunity to choose a dish that the judges deemed difficult for everyone to try their hand at.  She chose risotto.  She also had the choice to not cook at all and not be in the competition.  She wisely chose to sit out.  At this point, it's hard for the judges to remember who you are and what you've cooked but when there's only a few cooks, they're going to want to demonstrate cooking chops.  The dishes ranged from lumps of rice balls to rice soups to weird ingredients w/ rice.  Note to cooks, don't serve risotto w/ fruit in it to an Italian.  One guy's risotta was truly a "what the hell is that?" dish.  The cocky guy loser from the first round actually won this one and a guy was given the boot.  Crunchy risotto rice is really a no no.

Around the World in 80 plates was still in Italy but in the Parma region.  The chefs had to hunt for underripe marked wheels of cheese and transport them to a shop.  Then they had to scavenger hunt for food items.  Nicole had immunity and I have a feeling she really took advantage of it.  After getting all their ingredients, they had to check into another place.  Nicole crossed off an item causing it to be missed so when they checked in, they actually had to go back and get the item.  Meanwhile, Jenna on the red team was driving the locals crazy w/ her over pronounced Italian.  Nobody likes a poser.  So even though she knows the language, her team still couldn't find their way around.  I also didn't like the idea of rolling the cheese wheels on the ground when you consider they use the rind in cooking.  Ick!  At least the Dutch have a thick coating of wax covering their cheese wheels but then again, they are known for being sticklers for cleanliness.  In the end, the red team of Liz, Jenna and John won.  Their exceptional ingredient was an extra hour in the kitchen and a dinner served by a local Italian chef.  They also had the option of having the other team eat w/ them or let them be on their own for the evening.  Jenna didn't want the other team getting local flavor and ideas so both teams ate together but at separate tables.  Jenna had the Italian chef tell tips in Italian.  I thought it was a clever idea and I would've totally done the same thing.  So the teams basically made the same dishes cuz the requirements were to make an appetizer, pasta course and meat course and the pasta had to be tortellini.  Well, needless to say, there wasn't a whole lot of discussion as to what to make.  Avery proved she wasn't as great as she thinks she is and her pasta was declared oriental tasting.  Oh boy!  The Red Team had some weird sweet and sour sauce on their cheese appetizer.  Nicole ruined her meat course w/ poor prepping which Nick pointed out.  This is where I think she was doing real sabotage because no matter how you cooked it, it was going to be tough and tasteless.  The Italians showed they're not Americans and declared a dish too cheesy and loved John's tortellini.  This time, he didn't dump any food on the floor.  They also couldn't find much footage of the people raving over the black team's food and the red team did win w/ John the winner.  Crap!  Another week of Jenna, we have to sit through.  So the black team deliberates and Nick proves he's an idiot.  It's a team of 4.  Nookie and Avery are BFF's and aren't going to vote for each other so he should've been kissing Nicole's ass like crazy to force a tie.  Instead, he berates and criticizes her cooking skills.  It's no surprise Nick got the boot.  Too bad.  He's the last of the hotties excluding women but I can't really judge that.  Next week, they go to Thailand.  I'm so glad Sai isn't there and I'll be interested to see how the chefs do in a country where nobody speaks the language.

Dallas has returned and it's really good.  Yes, the 3rd generation is trying to carry the storyline but I have a feeling, they're not going to be able to stick w/ that.  Hagman, Duffy and Gray are still main actors and they haven't lost anything in the years.  Hagman could use an eyebrow trim but man, he's still compelling and charismatic.  There's one brief scene w/ him and Gray where you can see the chemistry is still strong.  You still feel the push pull of the brothers.  JR's son throws the fact that Christopher (Bobby's son) is adopted in his face reminding him he's not truly a Ewing.  There's a love triangle w/ misunderstandings and reignited flames and the usual fight over land and oil.  John Ross is proving the apple doesn't fall far from the tree but he's not nearly as cunning as his father.  OMG!  I love it.  They kept the beautiful theme music which is quite nostalgic since I played it so much in marching band.  The opening of the show is about the same except they don't show the actors w/ their names on them.  The characters of Lucy and Ray Krebbs showed up for cameos at the wedding which was fun and makes us hopeful that they might eventually be included in the show.  Everybody feels the absence of Pamela (Victoria Principal) and it might take awhile for us older people to warm up to Bobby's wife, Anne.  The new actors are strong and the writing is even stronger.  They remembered the show really is all about family dynamics and Southfork.  All I know is, I'm in for this show but I like to watch it on Friday night like the old days. 

The Summer Olympics are coming.  I'm usually quite excited but not so much this time.  There are things that have taken the fun and quirkiness out of it.  There are no true amateur athletes anymore.  There are requirements to compete and if you don't meet them, you're not going.  That's too bad because in the old days, there were little countries that would send athletes who were there just to try their best and have the experience of socializing w/ other athletes from other countries.  I'll bet there's not much socializing in the Olympic Village w/ that kind of competitiveness.  It also means there's not much unpredictability like the old days where a total unknown could surprise everyone and win the day or at least win a medal.  Now, it's more like we kind of root against people.  That's not the spirit of friendly ambassadorial competition.  It also pisses me off that people don't know about retiring and letting the next generation in.  What the heck is w/ athletes being in 4 Olympics?  That's at least 12 years.  Really?  You can't step aside and let someone else try?  I want to tell people, if you've won the gold, take it and go.  Rarely do people get better with age; especially when they're 30 or older.  You're a 40 yr old Olympian?  Yeah, I'm not impressed.  I'm pissed that we have a long shot and you're it.  It probably means you got lucky at the trials.  Also, you're a liability so go strain your knees, ankles and backs somewhere else.  I saw gymnastics and was actually angry to see Sacramone trying to make the Olympic trials.  Go away!  You were no help last time and you're 4 years older.  Go waggle your arms and legs and fall off the beam somewhere else.  Ugh, I'm so over it.  Break a leg and this time I mean it.

CBS is showing the remaining episodes of How to Be a Gentleman.  We know this is the end of it so we're not investing too much into it but I still enjoy it.  One episode had the nice guy a little more neurotic for about 5 minutes and I think that was what was lacking.  A neurotic nice guy getting through life w/ a friend who's a smart jerk.  Wasn't that the Odd Couple?  Yes, but it worked.  Instead of a polar opposite dynamic, the show just has a flatline of irritating buddy buddies. 

Well, that's about it.  I'm sorry if I messed up any facts but that's the limit of my aging brain.  Until next time people.  Stay tuned.