Wraps and craps

First let me start with a big old WTG to the producers and writers of Law & Order. I can tell they're airing the first episodes written and edited after moving to the later hour. Finally, they're at their gritty best. I hear a rumor that S. Epatha Merkerson is quitting the show. That's really sad, but I hope they don't kill her off with the cancer that's been wreaking havoc on her character all season.

OMG, Saturday Night Live had one of it's best episodes ever, with Betty White hosting. For an 88 yr old woman, she's got a lot of spit and fire. I love old women who curse. There's just something so cute and funny about knowing they're still full of spunk. It's kind of like thinking of my Grandmother meeting creepy guys at the door with the shotgun in her hand. She wasn't intimidated by anything. I also loved seeing all the past season women return for a guest shots. It made me realize, I really miss Molly Shannon's Sally O'Malley. She and Betty White kicking up their legs and saying, "I'm 50!" and "I'm 90!" had me rolling on the floor with laughter. OMG, too funny!

On Dancing with the (non)Stars, the dancers did one solo dance and then one dance in teams of 3. I have to say, I wasn't really impressed by anybody. Once again, the elimination show was a bore too. I'm sorry, when you see the same dances all of the time and everything is predictable, it's really boring. Even the old people are falling asleep. So the outcome was, Pamela Anderson was booted. Too bad too. She was really funny and did add certain bright spots with her short quips and facial expressions. Oh well. On Jimmy Kimmel, she was her hilarious self and I really loved her self deprecating tongue in cheek humor. Jimmy liked...well everything about her and you could tell. Her best line? "We can have sex now. But not with each other." When asked how the relationship has changed between her and her dance partner now that they're out of the competition. I LOL at that one. Go Pam!

The Biggest Loser had makeover week and I couldn't wait to see these bushy headed guys get trimmed. Even more surprising? The trimmer was Jonathan Antin. Cool! OMG, the reveals were really cool. The only thing I didn't like was Darius' pompadour. Oh come on! Lose all that bushy hair. Michael did express his disappointment that he was shopping alone at the Big & Tall store. Hey, it's a good lesson for America. If you get 3 times bigger than everyone else, it's probably going to take 3 times as long to look like a normal person. Then the fatties had an endurance challenge. They had to climb a Jacob's ladder over a pool and not fall into the water. In the end, Koli and Darius hung in there for 2 1/2 hours. It was quite impressive. Finally Darius said, "Screw it." and just let Koli have the win. What big prize did Koli win? He got a 1 pound advantage. Whoop de doo. Poor Darius not only lost the prize but then had to endure a lecture from Bob about how his inability to gut through things and stick with a task is why he was fat. Oh whatever. In the end, Koli didn't need the 1 pound advantage. The vote came down to Michael and Sam. Everyone feels Sam's reached his goal and is looking fine, so they sent him home. I loved that he revealed he and Stephanie hooked up and are living together. How cool is that?

Top Chef Masters is in the finals. What a roster of great chefs. The quickfire was the tag team cooking with the contestants blindfolded so they couldn't see what the other's were making. It was cool to see these experienced and expert chefs handle this challenge so much better than the frantic rookie chefs on the regular Top Chef show. Susan Fenigers team won. The elimination challenge was wedding wars. Oh boy! One thing I noticed, nobody whined about how they couldn't cook their style or how they weren't pastry chefs. They interviewed the bride or groom, took notes, and then came up with plans. It's so surprising to see there is no show of egos. Nobody insists that they have a banging dish that should be used. Everybody puts their suggestions in the pot and away they go. It seems to expedite things. The wedding prep seemed frantic but was nothing compared to the Top Chef seasons. As was expected, all the food was impressive except that semolina wedding cake of Susan Feniger. Ew, what a mess. Susar Lee made the most impressive dessert table all by himself for the groom's team and the winning chef made lamb that even the bride (who had said she didn't like lamb) had to admit was really good. I always say, that's the sign of a really good cook. Someone who can make you like a dish that you never liked before. In the end, Carmen was sent home for really not shining brightly enough amongst brilliant chefs. Yeah, corn salad by itself isn't going to cut it in this competition.

Survivor had a double elimination show. It was actually 2 half hour shows crammed together. I'm thinking, they didn't think they could get enough footage of anything interesting for 2 whole hours. What we saw was, they edited a lot and should've gone ahead and made the 2 hours and maybe put a couple of luxury challenges in. From what I'm seeing though, the producers are having to spend too much money feeding the hogs in Ponderosa. Okay so back to the show. They really don't show much of life at camp which makes me believe it's probably the SOS (same old shit) that's been going on. Rupert complains that everybody is lazy, Russell says how stupid everyone is and the girls lay out on the beach. So the immunity challenge is who can keep their arm above their head the longest? While they stand there, Jeff brings out things that the poor starving survivors have been craving for a month; cookies, milk, peanutbutter, food. I was really surprised Colby gave in so quickly but I think his strategy is to look pathetic so nobody thinks he's a threat. The only problem is, he looks like a huge wussbag. Finally, Rupert couldn't outlast Parvati and she of the huge teeth got the necklace. Then Jeff read a clue to the hidden immunity idol to everyone and sent them on their way. They all promptly set out to find the idol. For once, Russell wasn't the one to find it. Sandra kept it to herself too. Rupert pulled a good move and put a hidden immunity idol sized rock in his pocket while Russell was looking. Hee hee hee. I loved it cuz Russell jumped on that and thought he had an advantage. I admired Sandra for not giving the ruse away but at the same time, it kept the people from rooting her out. At tribal council, they decided to split the vote but somehow Candace became the main target with the help of the Heroes who felt betrayed by her. Bye Candace! The next day, Russell still thinks Rupert has that immunity idol and won't let it go. The immunity challenge today is a physical thing ending with a slide puzzle. Russell saves his skin by winning this one. Then, for some odd reason, he totally demolishes his alliance by pitting Parvati and Danielle against each other. I'm not sure where he's going with this, but it worked. Danielle was voted out after much arguing, shouting, accusations and crying. Oh boy! I can't believe the 2 lone Heroes are still in the game and they can't believe it either. I think the younger people see them as 2 weak old farts that they can oust whenever they want. We'll see. For now, there's only 4 Villains to 2 Heroes.

On the Challenge: Fresh Meat, Wes is still trying to keep a steady head in the game and finding it hard. The challenge this week involves swimming to an unsteady horizontal rope ladder, getting across it to a platform and then jumping onto a hanging bag and holding on for 5 seconds. OMG, poor Ev. She and her teammate had to go first and the experimenting did not go well. So eventually, Kenny and Laurel won since they got to go last (they chose the lineup). The bad news? They pick one team to go in. The really bad news? They'll get to choose the lineup for the next challenge too. Is there going to be an end to this? Anyway, supposedly Danny is one of Wes' best friends. That must not be a good thing cuz Danny and his teammate were chosen to go to the Exile challenge. Jill seems wussy in the challenges but her teammate shoves her along and they win the Exile. Oh well. Bye Danny. He was very strange during the season. He either needs to knock off the vino or drink more. I'm not sure which.

America's Next Top Model is still in New Zealand. For the mini challenge, the girls met a hobbit actress. Angelea admitted she didn't know what a hobbit was. I was hoping other people would tell her she's the normal one ha ha ha. The girls then had to do 5 poses in a hobbit sized hole. Boring! Reminded me of the girls in another season posing in that giant bird nest. Christa won the whole prize package since she had won best photo the night before. Angelea was seething with rage. The excitement of the show happened when Jessica tried to heat taco shells over the toaster and about burned the kitchen down. That huge hole with a door is called an oven. Oh well, what do models know about cooking anyway? Then the girls had a photoshoot with Tyra who made funny patterns on their faces by having people hold holey things above the girls. Okay. Wow. Tyra's really scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas. Christa won again and Jessica was sent home for looking too commercial. That was strange considering they had to make Angelea look dead for her to have a good photo. Nice. This week, Angelea only looks 40.

The Amazing Race went back home to the USA to San Francisco. It's not surprising that the gay brothers felt a lot more comfortable on this leg. So at the airport, the gay brothers cut in front of the cowboys by shoving their backpack in place. The cowboys are way to gentlemanly to hit a girl, so they let the gay guys do their cheating thing. I think there must've been a gay steward cuz the gay guys also were able to be bumped to first class once they were on the plane. That's quite a feat since it involves moving 4 people to the first class section without other passengers noticing. The head start kept the gay brothers going all the way to the finish line and they won. Boo! Boy did the message boards light up. Poor Brent and Caite had the worst luck and came in 3rd. The dumb producers let the lesbians do some stupid spouting at Caite which I thought was totally unnecessary and it only made all homosexuals seem even worse. First there were the weaselly gay brothers who won, and then the bitter and bitchy lesbians who couldn't let a u-turn thing go. Jeez. It's the first time I've ever seen ousted racers have a scene at the finish line. It was weird, stupid and classless. Caite did serve it right back by saying, "I'm here and you're not." WTG girl. I finally have some respect for you. They really didn't show Phil during all of this cuz I'm sure he was rolling his eyes the whole time. I was. I was also trying to keep my dinner from coming up after seeing the gay brothers hit the mat first. Oh well. I have a feeling the cowboys will get a lot of media coverage which will earn them more than a million dollars.

The Celebrity Apprentice dusted off an old challenge. The teams had to take a small apartment and decorate and furnish it to look posh for upscale clients. One thing I noticed, they didn't really show the charity getting it's money from last week. That's because Brett Michaels has already won twice before and I think they think the juvey diabetes charity is getting too much coverage. Oh well. Donald made the 2 guys switch teams. Last week, Sharon and Maria had some very unkind words for Curtis and now they were made teammates. How funny was that? I felt sorry for Curtis cuz when you first have to try to smooth the waters, it's really tough to walk on all those eggshells around the people. He won the women over by being all business, working hard and keeping his mouth shut. Holly Robinson Peete reluctantly took the PM role on her team. It was interesting to see how well Brett Michaels fit into the team. He showed he's very flexible, creative and hardworking and on no sleep. Sharon Osbourne was the PM for her team and I about fell on the floor laughing when she told Curtis, Maria had truckstop taste. OMG, it was even funnier when Curtis said he didn't know what that meant but just looked like he understood. After changing her mind 5 times and making people repaint and sort through all the purchased furnishings, her team won. I totally agreed. The place was bright, energetic yet relaxing cuz it wasn't cluttered and had very nice amenities. Robinson Peete decided to do a Balinesian theme. Really? Tropical islands in 3rd world countries never really do seem posh to me. In the end, Cindy Lauper was fired and was quite bitter about it. Oh well. We all have to admit, she was the head of lettuce on the teams.

Well, ta ta for now. See you next week people.