Whew! Saved!

I was right. The recent shows are starting to get to the end and the really good players are getting put on the chopping blocks.

On The Biggest Loser, the contestants went home for the week. Did that mean they could just enjoy their time? Oh heck no. It was the old, do the marathon and penalize the other contestants by eating a high calorie food challenge. This time it was on stationary bikes and with mini cupcakes. The best part of the homecoming was seeing how excited everybody was to see the contestants come home. It was so nice of the home people not to have a cake and a nice spread. How thoughtful. Anyway, I realized this season has a whole other breed of fatties. I couldn't believe how many of those mini cupcakes were eaten. Okay, maybe you might eat 1 or 2 if you think you might have a chance of winning but if you don't have a snowball's chance in hell, then why waste the calories? They had the families have walkie talkies to keep track of who was doing what. Really? They couldn't modernize that? How about an electronic tally that shows on a screen. For god's sake, if Wii can do it, so can they. So after a lot of screaming by the families and onlookers, Sam won but didn't win. He had so many time penalties he may as well have just sat on the bike and drank a beer. Luckily, Koli was right there with him and he ultimately won the 10 grand. I think I fell asleep because tah dah, it was the weigh in. I'm sure they had a few mentions of ziploc bags, subway and wrigley's gum in there. I was afraid Michael was going to go. But nope, Terry, his fellow below the yellow liner, was voted out. Whew!

Talking about fatties, I'm going to talk about Celebrity Fit Club. What a dumb season. These people aren't that fat but half are really lazy and not really trying. Poor Jay McCarroll from Project Runway; he's the only one who's really wanting to lose weight. Oh and that girl from... Oh who knows? Really that white chick and black chick on the red team are celebrities? Okay if you say so. I guess they couldn't find people who were both fat and celebrities. The challenges are a joke because there's usually only half the team really trying so really that old adage, "You're only as weak as your slowest player.", is totally true. Then I love the scenes of the people just eating and drinking what they want. Poor Sgt Harvey is pulling these people like a team of stubborn mules. It's hilarious just to see his frustration. There's no host this season and I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. There's an interesting dynamic with Kevin Federline and his ex Shar on the show together but on competing teams. As she gets thinner, she looks more and more like Keshia Knight Pulliam. Dr. Ian seems to lead the panel and the psych lady is so boring, I hardly notice her. Whatever. Who's on for next season?

On Shear Genius, the stylists had to first do the mixed bag challenge. They picked an item, a theme...yada yada and then use them on a girl's head. Jon finally woke up and won the challenge. Then the stylists had to do hair for photoshoots with the theme from a past star. Matthew somehow won with his ode to Dolly Parton. Umm...I guess Loretta Lynn hair resembles Dolly Parton. So Jon and Brig landed in the bottom 2. Janine and her BFF, Matthew, almost had orgasms when Jon was told he was safe. I absolutely loved the crestfallen and shocked look they had when it was announced Brig was safe too. Whew! I love Brig. If it weren't for her and Jonathan Antin, this show would be total snoozeville.

Survivor was cool with a double elimination. First the Heroes had to lose their challenge, which they did; natch. I'm thinking, they can't do anything well. There was only 1 challenge in order to make more time for all the conniving. Whatever. The challenge was that old, untangle the rope by using your body cuz your tied to the rope. I was totally surprised Colby wasn't better at this. I wasn't surprised Boston Rob won the whole thing cuz first they pitted the players of each team against each other and then the victors from each team against each other for the final. Boston Rob was the Hero of the day because he won hotdogs with the fixins for his tribe. There was a lot of, "Ah ah uh I don't know who to vote for." Boston Rob surmised correctly that the troll king had the unhidden immunity idol and told his little band to split their votes evenly so that in case the idol was played, one of the outsiders would be voted out. Okay. Well, not so easy when you have a dumb blonde like Tyson on your tribe. Russell tells Tyson he wants Parvati out so he's going to use the idol and Parvati will definitely be out if Tyson votes Parvati instead of making a 3 way tie. Will Tyson fall for that? Hmmm... Meanwhile, on the other side of the island, names are being thrown around: Candace, James, Colby, Amanda. Colby is so resigned to the fact that he's going home, he just takes it easy. I admire him for not scrambling and not kissing any ass. At tribal council, the villains are up first. It's the usual stupid questions from Jeff. Before the votes are read, Russell stands up and looks like he's going to play the idol but Oh... there's my crafty little devil hero. He hands it to Parvati and she acts surprised and calls him a gentleman. Oh puke. Then we find Tyson is truly as stupid as he looks and has voted for Parvati and contributed to his own demise. No hotdogs for you dumbass. Then the Heroes are up while the villains watch and stuff themselves with hotdogs at the same time. What? No beer? The villains only get to hear the stupid questions from Jeff. Even they weren't spared that torture. Then the hero tribe finally showed they had a few brains or maybe they woke up. Colby was totally surprised when James was voted out. Finally, they unload the gimpy guy. Maybe the producers will have a totally physical challenge next week. Hope it doesn't involve shooting any baskets. Whew! Colby is saved.

On RuPaul's Drag Race, the ladies had to shoot a book cover photo for a book about their life. Then they had to schill it and an Absolute drink at the same time. Interesting. I found the most difficult thing they had to do was try to hold that glass with those really long fake nails and not smear their lipstick when they took a sip. Once again, Pandora Box had the ugliest dress. He must've come to the show with his own load of ugly material for dresses. Probably stuff he found in the Mood store's dumpster. I forget who was in the bottom 2 with Jessica Wild but she went home. I'll miss her funny accent that made the word meals sound like males. I do have to admit, that guy never did make a good looking woman. His/her beak alone would put someone's eye out.

Project Runway is getting down to the nitty gritty. This time, the designers had to make their own fabric design. HP was touted the whole show and on into the Models of the Runway show too. Some of the patterns were pretty good. Mila thought innovation was painting bold lines of parallel color on white. She then proceeded to make a dress that looked like a teepee. Jonathan made fabric that looked like someone coughed cocoa all over it. Kors likened it to a dirty tablecloth; ouch. He proceeded to make a cute dress and then ruined it by making a backwards gold lame jacket to go over it; ew. It reminded me of when I put my friend in a cute dress of mine and she insisted on wearing her ugly vest she hand knitted, over it; sigh. Maya made a really cool red and orange jungly pattern on black and made a knockout dress. Seth Aron once again made a jacket and pants outfit out of his pattern that was so ugly, he had to turn it so it was diamond patterns instead of squares. That's when I realized; he really is straight. Anthony's pattern wasn't too bad except he used only a little of it in his dress. Emilio used his name in repetition as the pattern in the fabric. Lots of people hated this but I thought it was cool. He used ESosa with a heart as the O. When you saw it from afar, it looked like stripes and his dress was cool too. Of course, Lorena really worked it too. Poor Brandise looked like a geisha trying to walk in her too tight shoes. Except, it was the bottom of the skirt that was too tight and she was called out for scrunching up the side so she could walk better. The judges really criticized Anthony's dress which I didn't think was that bad, and he was sent home.

Models of the Runway showed the girls being given harsh criticism from the judges and Heidi. In order to schill HP more, they had the girls take photos of each other and then use the HP computer to choose their shots. Whatever. Valeria had a decision to make. Should she stay with the show or do a campaign with DKNY? Stupidly, she chose to stay. What? I'll have you know, we don't remember any of the models who won in the past seasons. Whoever said models were smart? At elimination, Ceri was left standing alone and unchosen. We'll miss her Irish accent and smart tongue. Another blonde bites the dust.

Talking about Models, America's Next Top Model is quite whacked out this season. The girls seem to all have PMS flying off the handle easily and being overly sensitive. Suck it up. Nobody's nice in the world of modeling. For the challenge, they had to do a go see. The prettiest girl with the most poise won. Yay! Ren seems to be getting homelier by the minute and her sour attitude doesn't help. For the photo shoot, the girls had to be dancers in their photos but yet still look like models. Okay. I think Tyra got this idea from judging Yaya all during that 3rd season. In the end, Ren was sent home. Yay! She said she was only in it to get her mother's attention. Maybe not having the personality of 3 day oatmeal would help.

The Amazing Race finally went to an Island chain. It was funny to hear how some of the teams pronounced Seychelles. They all took the same plane, but since Brent and Caite aren't old fogeys, they knew how to work an airline ticket kiosk and got their airplane seats way in the front. The teams rode helicopters to another island to do their detour. They could either bait a large tortoise across a lawn and a finish line and carry bananas, or fill a cart with coconuts and deliver the ox pulled cart to the fruit stand guy. The tortoise should've been easy except the lesbian team didn't seem to know you should actually pick a tortoise that's awake and facing the door of the cage. Most of the teams picked the coconut task. Team Miss Teen ditzy and her boyfriend failed to get every last coconut into their cart and then didn't know that slapping the ox on both sides wouldn't make it faster. The lesbian team and the cowboys also failed to get every coconut into their carts so there was a lot of turning around. Then the teams swam to a boat which took them to a buouy out in the middle of the ocean. Brent called it a dinghy. No, that's your girlfriend. For the roadblock someone had to retrieve a bottle from a crate under water and then they had to take it to another island that they had to swim to from the boat, put a simple map together which led them to the pitstop. Whew! I'm exhausted just explaining it. For once, Brent and Caite read the directions right. The Dad and daughter team got to the pitstop first but left their backpacks on the other island. They sucked it up and decided to do without them. Good for them. We finally got to see what the top of Jet and Cord's heads looked like. They removed their cowboy hats to swim. Okay, yeah, wear the hats guys. With hats: sexy. Without hats: geeky. The lesbians beat the cowboys to the pitstop due to the boys not following the directions. Y'know, that seems to be the kiss of death in this game. Luckily, it was a non-elimination leg. Yay! The cowboys are safe. Whew!

Finally, on the Celebrity Apprentice, we first started out with that nauseating thing where the celeb hands the check over to kids. How come all these organizations are with kids? Kids are so boring and annoying and sick kids are really icky. Okay so then the teams gathered to meet Trump and the heads of Norton and Lifelock. Their task was to do a advertorial for Lifelock to be in a magazine. Michael Johnson and Summer Sanders were chosen to be team leaders. Way to pit the Olympians against each other. What; another concept challenge? Boooooooring. I love the disruptors. For the men it's Brett Michaels and for the women, Cyndi Lauper. Neither one can shut up and both are airheaded and ask stupid distracting questions. You can almost hear the eyeballs rolling. Johnson did really good at delegating. In fact, he made Curtis Stone do all the thinking. Sanders didn't get her head together until after the check in with the company rep. Blagojevich showed what an old fogey he is and took an hour to peck on the computer. Then they had to do presentations to the executives. Oh boy! The men did alright until their pages showed up on the screen. They had so much written stuff crammed on the pages, it blurred when blown up and looked way overwhelming. The executives wanted to take a step back, but they were sitting in seats. Then the women came in. Holly Robinson Peete seemed like she sabotaged the projector because when it didn't work, she didn't seem anxious or surprised about it. Hmmm... Then Sharon was supposed to make the pitch and started choking and hacking. It was hilarious and the executives cringed and wanted to run out of the room. For the next 20 minutes, we had to listen to the executives hem and haw about which team they liked better until Trump practically gave them an enema to get the answer out of them. So finally, in the board room it was announced the women won. Johnson pointed out his was more of an advertorial. Yeah, but we don't really like advertorials and only a supergeek would read all that blather you put on those 4 pages. So in the end, Darryl Strawberry fell on his sword to save Johnson. Awww... Wasn't that sweet? Whatever. Bye quitter.

So that's all for this week. C U all next week!