New Twists, Old Competitors.

WEll, well, well the new seasons are beginning.

I haven't watched it, but The Bachelor brought back a bachelor who didn't pick someone the last time. Really? We get to hate the guy all over again? What a bunch of loser women too? Who is really that desperate. You know they're not genuine at all and just want their 15 minutes on the boob tube. Ick and double ick.

On Rupaul's Drag Race, the women had to first do a scandalous papparazzi shot. How funny that they either did a beaver shot, a wardrobe malfunction shot or a fighting shot. Raja needs to remember she's supposed to be feminine. He/She did her bloody makeup too graphically and you could see the "Ew." on Rupaul's face. Stacy Lane Matthews and one of the big hispanic accent girls won. They then each chose girls for their teams for the next challenge. The girls had to do a newscast complete w/ anchors, gossip headliner, interviewer and weathergirl. Debbie Matenopolis was there to give them pointers and critiques. Stacy's group wasn't too bad. Actually, she was the most boring on her team. The other team was too boring all the way around. India Ferra did the weather and the graphics were more fun than she was. Once again, Raja was really boring too. The runway was really interesting. The guest judge was Chloe Sevigney. For once, those fatties weren't the ugliest girl in the room. The outfits were really interesting. One was a newspaper top that didn't go all the way around w/ a newpaper bikini brief. Impressive. No real girl could've pulled that off. Anyway, Shangela was declared the winner. India Ferra couldn't out lip synch Stacy Lane and was sent home. Good riddance. What a freakin' whining downer. Now I know why his parents beat him. They were trying to see if he was alive or not.

Face Off went straight to the big challenge. The makeup artists were to make their own horror monster w/ a movie title and tagline to go w/ it. This was really interesting. Just by watching, you learn a lot w/out someone having to verbally explain everything. There was a big disfigurement theme because these are makeup artists. You can't just dress your model in black and say he's insane like Norman Bates. I loved the footage of Gage and Marcel trying to get their silicon prosthetics and masks out of the stuck molds. Meghan is still flirting madly w/ Conor and he's a bit oblivious to it. Jeez dude, she's about blowing you over w/ the wind from her fluttering eyelashes. Jo's ear guages are so big, she looks like one of those African women who can pull their earlobes over their baby's head but that's their goal. What's up w/ her? Anyway, I thought Tate's monster was really impressive. He always has a knack for using the whole body. Meghan's was dumb. she made a geeky human w/ a big misshapen mouth. Anthony's Mr. Hyde take off wasn't as bad as he thought. Tom's monster was a human teddy bear hybrid. In the end, he won. The winner always gets to put his or her 2 cents in about who they think should go. The judges have only listened to the winner once. If I were the winner, I'd say, "You don't listen to us anyway so I'm just gonna shut up." Cuz it puts the idea in the minds of the judges that the winning person is just bitter or jealous when it's really not the case. The judges should really listen because these competitors know who's just sliding by or getting too much help. In the end, everyone was surprised cuz Marcel was sent home. He's been doing some really brilliant work so nobody understood this decision at all.

Survivor is back! There are new twists. There is a redemption island that the booted player goes to. Each week (except the first of course) there will be a duel between the previously ousted player and the recent ousted player and the winner will be able to stay but only on the island dueling w/ each ousted player until he/she is defeated themself. Then that player duels the next new ousted player and so on and so on. I'm not sure when the duel survivor will return to the game but I'm sure it'll be at a good time. Probably the merge. The other twist is, Boston Rob and Ratfaced Russell are back. It was so funny to see the reactions. The people were kind of happy to see Boston Rob but the other group faked the joy at Russell joining them. Then they all went to their campsites w/ a fully loaded building kit. Poor Rob. He's got almost all girls on his tribe w/ one wackadoo guy who says he's a former federal agent. I'm thinking he only had one day on the job before they booted him out. On Russell's tribe, people were sizing each other up. I have a feeling Russell ditched the cameras when looking for the hidden immunity idol cuz we got a lot of shots of him coming out of the jungle while everyone was working. It seems he's laying low this season. He did try and join up w/ one dumb girl already. If Russell asks you to ally w/ him, I wouldn't take it as a compliment. He likes his girls dumb, if you remember. On Rob's tribe, he's got a female version of Russell. The dame is dikey w/ an attitude. Y'know. Wants to prove she's got big balls too. Whatever. She found the immunity idol and then made an alliance w/ Francesca and Phillip. It's odd that her 2 buddies were the only black people and one alienated himself by being really annoying. Meanwhile, Rob just acted respectable and everybody else gave him respect. So for the challenge, they had to push big huge rock things on a track, then chop ropes to loose the gate and then put a big 3-D puzzle together. Rob's all girl tribe proved they didn't have enough muscle and fell wayyyyy behind. Even though Rob's a whiz at puzzles, they just couldn't make up the time and ratfaced Russell's tribe won. For the rest of the show, that tribe fell off the face of the earth. So female Russell is trying to make a plan but Phillip is dumber than a box of rocks. I say, if you see someone is that dumb, why stay in an alliance w/ him? Rob smells a rat and makes a good plan to split the vote for the outsiders. This time around, he's got the numbers on his side. As long as his tribe doesn't lose all the immunity challenges, he should do better this season. Tribal council was funnier than hell. Everything was going along well until Francesca said, "No one's going to vote for Rob." Phillip doesn't know what purposeful deception is and spilled the beans about his alliance, the plan to vote out Rob and use the idol and the fact that female Russell had the immunity idol. Even Probst's jaw was on the ground. Everybody was absolutely gobsmacked and I was LOL. Rob showed his power in the group and made her show him the idol and then tried to get the idol by guaranteeing she wouldn't be voted out this time. She didn't go for it. I was surprised she didn't use her idol but in the end, it was Phil's vote that sent Francesca to Redemption island. Oh boy! What a great season it's turning out to be! I really hope Rob goes all the way this time. He really deserves it and I think other people think the same.

On Top Chef, the muppets made a guest appearance and it was hilarious. Of course when you have Cookie Monster on the show, it's pretty much a given that the chefs are going to make cookies. I was surprised to see how many had never made a cookie before. Antonia made a huge chocolate cookie that Elmo said looked like a cowchip and it did. Dale made a no-bake cookie w/ potato chips and he was declared the winner. I loved when Cookie Monster was so hungry he was eating the tablecloth. Too funny! I also liked that the muppets called Blais out for making something fancy that wasn't a cookie. Then the chefs had to cook a meal in Target. For a minute, I was really thinking Uh-oh... Until they said it's a new super kind of Target that has a grocery store in it. But they still had to set up their tables and appliances, shop and cook all in 3 hours. Really? I think I would've said, to hell w/ the fancy set up and just served on the boxes but they did have to have a table to work on and put appliances on. I was surprised nobody utilized the electric grills. You know they have all kinds of George Foreman grills there. Anyway, there were a lot of soups. The guys didn't really do the aesthetics and poor Carla took wayyy too long to shop. This is a cooking show. To heck w/ the tablecloths girl! In the end the chefs who didn't make just a soup were on the top. Blais made a pork tenderloin and I was impressed. Antonia made an egg dish ala minute by the looks of it and I was impressed. Dale did dorm food and spiced up tomato soup and made grilled cheese on the iron like I did in my college days. He was declared the winner. Tiffany, Carla and Angelo landed on the bottom. Mike had tasted Angelo's soup and told him it needed salt. Hmmm... I smell a rat. This time, oversalting did Angelo in. I guess this time, the salting did make the dish inedible unlike Dale's salty sandwich the week before. Bye Angelo, see you at the reunion.

The Amazing Race is back w/ old competitors who've never won. Some are couples who made it all the way to the end but lost by minutes. There are a couple of couples I can't stand. The deaf guy and his mother who always play him up as the victim. We don't hate you because you're deaf. We hate you because you're an asshole. You just happen to be deaf too. Those really bitchy cheerleaders are back too and wouldn't you know it. They're friends w/ the deaf guy and him bitchy mother. I hope they all pass out more than once. Some of my faves are back. The Dad/daughter Kentuckians, The Harlem Globetrotters, the Cowboys, the writer and his old dad, the Chinese Dad/daughter. The problem is, time has passed and the old people are older and the younger people aren't so young anymore. It really shows. The Cowboys don't seem as gung ho anymore. I think the producers threw a lot of money at them to do the show when they really didn't want to. Previously, Cord was doing the race as a last adventure w/ his friend before he got married. Now he's married and I think the cowboys are over the whole thing. The Harlem Globetrotters are back w/ a vengeance to prove their loss was just a fluke. Some of the other couples seem like they really need the money so they have that desperation. They Kentucky Dad/daughter team are doing back to back races. Wow! Anyway, they started in Indio, California among the windmills. First they had a hunt and search task. The clue was Queensland and Native Territories Air Service. Man, I realized these people weren't as bright as I thought. They didn't even put it together that it makes the acronym Qantas. Duh! And, the prize was an airline reservation. Finally everyone got off but the last team earned a u-turn in the next detour. I love the way they make the drive to the airport seem short. I'm not sure where they flew out of but the nearest big airport from Indio is at least 2 hours away. The first 8 teams earned seats on the first plane going out and was supposed to land an hour and a half earlier than the 2nd plane. 3 teams were on the 2nd plane. The funniest thing is, the first plane had a medical emergency on board and had to make a stop in Honolulu. How funny is that? As it was, they landed 1/2 hour behind the 2nd plane. The Kentuckians turned on the burners and led the pack the rest of the show. For the roadblock, one person had to find a compass w/ a puzzle key in a tank of sharks and stingrays. They weren't as petrified as I thought they should've been. Then they had to decipher a flag code w/ the key, find the commodore and tell him the pass phrase. The deaf guy and mother and the cheerleaders proved they're kind of dumb. I was glad to see other people weren't helping them. The chinese Dad/daughter team only told them but had them show them where the commodore was first. That was smart. The Cowboys showed they're really quite dumb. Not only did they not finish the puzzle to the end but got turned back more than once for not giving the correct pass phrase. Instead of sitting there saying, "I'm not good at puzzles." Shut up and keep working at it. That's when I knew they weren't really into it. I also got the idea when they weren't at all upset by missing the train and the ferry. I'm thinking, they're purposely trying to go home first. Well, not in this show cuz the finish mat wasn't the finish mat. Phil just gave them another clue. To be continued indeed.

The Worst Cooks in America had it's finale. Georg and Joshie had to cook a 3 course meal for judges. At least Ann and Robert made the menus. They were nice enough not to come up w/ things that had to be cleaned either. First they had a practice run which was nice so the cooks could see how the whole process had to be organized for the timed event and they could tweak the dishes. I realized Georg is really dumb. How many sauces has Robert made and had them make? So Robert says, "And we finish the sauce w/..." and Georg couldn't come up w/ butter. OMG! Have you been in this cooking competition for 8 weeks or what? Then later in the day, he asked the same question and she still couldn't come up w/ the answer. How retarded is she? Joshie pulled his finger out and found his groove. In the end, he won and deservedly so. The funniest part was, Ann and Robert had a side bet and Robert had to dye his hair platinum blonde when Georg lost. That was great except, everyone agrees, he looks better brunette.

Well, that's if for this week. See you all next time. Stay tuned!