We Believe! We Believe!

Hello fellow TV junkies. Have you been watching those shows? I have, so let's get right to it.

The Amazing Race went to Germany to towns that are really hard to pronouce. I love the theme of this season; don't stop until you hit the mat. The challenges were a mix of weird and surreal. Bopper and Mark had to do the speed bump since they came in last in the non-elimination leg last week. They had to yodel and the teacher had the funniest facial expressions ever. "It's American yodeling." LOL! Meanwhile the other teams got right to the detour. They either styled facial hair or decorated gingerbread houses. The facial hair thing was kind of creepy since I always envision slobber and food getting caught in the nest. Then everyone had to slide gnomes on the ice and hit a target. Easier said than done because the Feds aka teachers left last even though they arrived in the middle. The border patrol guys came in first again. The ending was very surprising since the feds beat the sisters to the mat. Wow! Those girls must've really gotten lost. The funniest part of the show was when Brendon tried to be cute and jump on the mat and totally wiped out.

The Biggest Loser went to Hawaii. Aw...poor Kim is feeling ostracized after her teammate was voted out last week. Maybe she should've treated everybody else better. What goes round, comes round. So we saw a lot of surfing, beach calisthenics, swimming, laying out, drinking drinks and the fatties saying, "I'm on vacation." Yeah, the whole show is a vacation. Are you working? No? Then you're on vacation. The first challenge was a trivia contest and Chris won the 1 pound advantage. The next challenge was the eliminate your fellow players game. I love the dynamic between Conda and her brother Jeremy. He's very caring and loving and she's fiercely protective of him. Even though they're the fattest of the group, the bro and sis team came out top 2 and then Jeremy let Conda win. That was nice since the prize was immunity. The editors made the show villains Kimmy and Meghan this week. They hate Kim and pick on her boo hoo hoo hoo. OMG. I've learned not to believe a minute of it. So in the end, the mother daughter team of Kimmy and Meghan happened to both land below the yellow line. Kimmy fell on her sword for her daughter and that was that. I've noticed not so much crying this season.

Survivor showed the worst bullying and bitchy meanness I've ever seen. Colton, who shouldn't be knocking anybody tells Christina she's being voted out, he hates her face, he hates her voice and she can throw herself in the fire. They don't even allow her any space under the tarp shelter. Now I say Colton shouldn't talk because he may be rich but that doesn't win you any friends if you're a girlyboy, racist, fatass, bigoted douchebag. Then there's Alicia w/ the big scary buckteeth and skanky skankiness who cozies up to Colton like he's a bearskin rug. She also proceeds to insult and bully Christina. Alicia is supposedly a special ed teacher. Nice. I wonder if she calls her students feebs. Then I have to say, the rest of the tribe are a bunch of wussbags. They all just sat around and listened to it happening and never told anybody to shut up and leave her alone. The luxury challenge was a game where they bounced a coconut into targets. The Man-nono tribe totally sucked and the other tribe won the ice cream and soda gluttony prize. For once, we finally get to see the people enjoy their prize. So Colton and Alicia blame the loss on Christina and are meaner than ever. After the commercial break, we find Christina hugging Colton's head and rubbing his temples and Colton looking miserably ill. We're thinking, hmmm...Karma has come to mete out some justice. Wait for it. Yep, Colton gets worse w/ abdominal pain and is literally in a fetal position on the ground. For some odd reason, his BFF Alicia is nowhere in sight during all of this. So Christina calls for the medics and Jeff. OMG, they diagnose possible appendicitis and cart him off w/ all of America cheering and thanking the Karma gods. We believe! BTW, Colton keeps the immunity idol. Ha ha to Alicia. So everyone is called to Tribal Council where it's announced Revoltin' Colton is gone and they're merging the tribes. Already? Oh well. We're still LOL about the ouster of the girlyboy.

America's Next Top Model had the girls making short commercials of the funniest made up items you ever saw. Then they had a focus group give their critiques while the girls watched. Could they have found people more stupid than this group? When that fat white broad said she thought the girl sounded too African. She's British and you're a fat dumbass. I wanted to punch her in the face through the TV. Then there was a little drama when the sensitive white chick was told by the other girls, they didn't think she was that good. OMG, she's crying, threatening to quit, calling her Mama, sucking her thumb...ok, I put that last one in. The photoshoot had the girls in beautiful gowns, crazy Treacy hats and w/ a car. Sounds familiar. I think Tyra's running out of ideas. So Symone and another girl land in the bottom. Symone stays and the other girl remains unknown.

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes went to Iceland. I thought this was going to be the finale. Oh wait, one last dome between Johnny w/ his really homely partner Camilla and Mark and Robin. So they had to grapple over an X shaped stick. In the end, Mark and Robin went home and it's the very first time Mark hasn't been in the final. History has been made and they've proven, age does not make you better. So on to Iceland. I'm convinced the producers are trying to kill these kids. First, they have to race w/ sleds pulled by dogs. Then they make them jump practically naked into the freezing water to touch a ball. OMG! Ack! The episode ends w/ everyone in tents to camp out on the snow. OMG! I loved Johnny saying, "Diem, don't even pretend that you're not enjoying every minute of this." I can't wait for the real finale.

Project Runway had it's finale. There was a lot of sewing, a trip to Marie Claire and the runway shows. Austin's collection was whimsy but eclectic. Maybe a little too eclectic. He couldn't decide if he wanted to show glam rock or naughty school girl. Mondo's clothes were totally his vibe. A cool mix of patterns, colors w/ good fit and fun too. All his previous angst making a great collection kind of reminded me of VanGogh hacking off his ear and then painting brilliantly. Micheal's collection was called Serengeti but it was dull in color. All the pieces seemed to be draped Golden Girls clothes in black, white and brown. Ugh. I think the reason they shoot animals on safari is so they can see some red in all that dullness. In the end, Mondo won and the other 2 won trips to Paris. I wonder if Austin's mother is still homeless?

So, that's about it. Do you believe that slow and steady wins the race? I do. Do you believe that Karma will win in the end? I do. Do you believe blood is thicker than water? I do. Do you believe revenge is a dish best served cold? I do. Man, I learn so much from TV. Hee hee hee. See you next time. Stay tuned.