Cute But Stupid

Hello TV Landers. Summer's coming and the shows are wrapping up one by one. It's kind of sad because then we're left w/ lame voyeuristic shows depicting shallow stupid people living their dumb lives. Okay, well, we'll enjoy the competition shows as long as we can.

I'm not sure why, but CBS is rerunning a lot of Lorre's shows. It's making Mondays a little sad. Oh well.

Rupaul's Drag Race has had a really interesting cast this season. Call me crazy but I love getting makeup tips from these guys. On this episode, the girls got a cocktail and then had to decorate a pair of lucite high heels that went w/ the theme of the drink. It was a great commercial for Absolut. Phiphi Ohara won. The elimination challenge had the girls coming up w/ a political but funny platform. Then they did a kind of a parody of those debate shows. I loved the one guy/girl counting down the lights, "Yellow...red, Bam!" Someone put speed in Phiphi Ohara's dinner cuz she had more nervous energy than a freezing chihauha. Everybody else was hilarious and actually made a little sense. For the Runway, Rupaul had the ugliest rainbow dress you ever saw. It looked like she stole someone's beach towel and belted it on. The girls were supposed to look like they were attending their inaugural ball. March Mcmasters or something like that looked elegant and seemed to be a cross between Barbara Stanwyck and Joan Rivers. Sharon Needles went totally off, purposely, and had a see through dress claiming a drag queen wouldn't be elected for a hundred years so she was futuristic. Hmmm...seems plausible. All the other girls decided to look like they were attending the Oscars. So it was the tall black guy/girl w/ the great legs vs. the large black guy/girl w/ the great stage presence to lip synch for their lives. In the end, the tall one w/ the great legs was sent home. Then Rupaul asked the judges to decide which girl would get the chance to come back and included Willam who had been ousted last week for breaking rules. Huh? No!!! Now that's stupid.

On Biggest Loser, the fatties were back from Hawaii and moaning and groaning about leaving vacation. Oh whatever! The first challenge was to shop for 5 minutes for ingredients for a dish. What? It takes me 5 minutes to find the one item I went to the store to find. Anyway, the contestants did pretty well and all made it across the line before time was called. The only thing was, Jeremy planned to make French toast and forgot to get eggs. Hmmm... Then they had 20 minutes to cook their dish. Really? It takes me 20 minutes just to rip packages open after shopping. Contestants from last season were on hand to judge: Becky, Antone and Vinny. I like them as opposed to the dumb cheater chicks who won the season before. When Olivia shows up, it makes me want to smack everyone in the room. The judges pointed out that practically everyone included cheese in their dish. Oh BTW, did I mention the dishes were supposed to be low cal, healthy and tasty? Everybody except Jeremy thought their dish was the best. Everybody was wrong except Kim w/ her stuffed portobello dish. Chris took her criticism of undercooked chicken...not well. Man, Mrs. Santa she's not. This week, the editors made her the irritating character of the show. Everyone is getting their chance this season. So on to scenes of Bob and Dolvett working the heck out of the contestants. I'd like to know, how come everyone is looking pretty good except Conda and Jeremy? I'm thinking their strategy is to lose just enough weight to stay above the yellow line but then they're going to lose a ton when they all go home after the final 3. The next challenge had the fatties loading boxes of Newman's Own onto a truck. I smell a schill here. Personally, I think the prize sucked for all the work they had to do. The prize was a ton of food for the winner's hometown foodbank. BFD. I would've just sat that one out. The whole challenge was one big fat commercial for salad dressing. At the weigh-in the contestants did pretty well. Megan had done a video diary of her working extra hard, eating lightly blah blah blah. She fell below the yellow line w/ Mark. She was voted out. I'll bet those girls are sorry now for scheming to have all girls at the end. They were pretty stupid for telling that plan to Conda since she's on the show w/ her brother. Now that the all girl alliance is gone, I wonder who'll be next.

Survivor: One World contestants are once again living on the same beach. They're one big happy family. Well, not all happy. Tarzan seems to be the misfit who's always misunderstood and just seems to always be underfoot. Jonas is the chief cook and bottlewasher and makes sure to say that to everyone. For the luxury challenge, they split everyone into 2 teams again but not the tribes. It consisted of the survivors one by one digging and fitting under a beam to then dig for a bag of puzzle pieces. Then 2 people had to put it together. Poor Lief, I thought he was going to be stuck under the beam for the whole challenge. Poor Christina is on the same team as Alicia. Oh well, their team wins and they enjoy pizza and beer. During the meal, they also get a note saying a hidden immunity idol is awaiting them at camp. I wonder if the producers had to pry it out of Colton's dead hands. Meanwhile back at camp, Tarzan and Jonas are trying to scheme w/ the men they had been split from. Yeah, guess what. You guys have no chance w/ the jocks ever since Colton shot his mouth off and told them you were all his buddies and the jocks were going to be voted off one by one. Next time, keep your trap shut. So Micheal does a lot of nodding and then rolls his eyes when he turns his back. For some odd reason, Tarzan thinks Alicia will be part of the men's alliance. Uh huh. The next morning, while all the lazy folk are sleeping, Troyzan hunts for the hidden immunity idol and finds it. That little fellow seems to like living in trees. For the immunity challenge, the producers dug out the old balance balls on a tray while balancing on a log thing. Troyzan is having a heckuva winning day cuz he wins this challenge too. One thing I do admire is, Troyzan hasn't told anyone he's found the HII, unlike all the other blabbermouths. So there commences much more scheming that makes no sense because everyone's confused; are they voting w/ the gender alliance or the split tribes? At tribal council, Jonas and Tarzan seem to have caught verbal diarrhea and just say out loud who they're voting for. Now that's stupid! In the end, Jonas was voted out. Man, these people are stupid.

On The Challenge: Battle of the Exes, it finally was the finale. The couples are in iceland and it's totally icy. I can't believe the eating challenge. There's literally a head of what might be a sheep or a deer surrounded by chunks of fat and a large horn full of blood. Icky! I was very surprised no one threw up. So then the couples had to move logs to finish one of those puzzles usually done w/ matchsticks. I'm thinking Ty and Emily don't read much cuz they totally couldn't solve it. The next task was to dig through a bank of snow into a tunnel and digging out the other end. Poor CT, he hit the wall literally. The digging must've taken a lot out of him. Walking to the next task looked like torture for CT and he had to put up w/ Diem verbally dragging him along and hearing Johnny on his heels. He blamed it on slogging through deep snow but it didn't seem that deep and the other couples didn't seem to be having that hard a time w/ it. The next task was to take all the medallions they collected from each task and put them in a wheel. This one I didn't understand. Were they supposed to put them in order of when they received each one or were the symbols some kind of language I didn't understand? Anyhoo, Diem and CT finished first. Then they had to hike up to a flag. Oh boy! Were they done there? No, then they had to hike all the way up to the top of the peak. Poor CT, he was so done that even pokey Camilla butterface passed him and she and Johnny won the grand prize. The nice thing is, all the teams do win money and man did they earn it. Next time CT, eat breakfast before the final part of the challenge. Yeesh!

The Worst Cooks in America are down to 2 people on each team. I love this season. The cooks all seem to try their hardest but really do lack the chef thing called a palate. OMG, some of the flavors they put together are kind of nauseating like vanilla chicken, pineapple tuna, etc. But they all earnestly try. The really hilarious part is the tasting by Anne and Bobby. So this week, the cooks' brother, spouse, kid, wife or whoever they left at home came. The challenge was to make a dish for them and see who got the best review. I thought David would be serving up trichinosis when he put his porkchops in the oven at the 20 minute mark. Oh boy! The black lady made shrimp when she's told everyone she hates making shrimp. Vinny made steak which he claims usually tastes like shoe leather and the white lady made fish. In the end, they all seemed to turn out good and Vinny won. I love that he's always genuinely surprised when he wins. There are no ringers this season. Y'know, I need to start writing things down cuz I can't be sure but I think David was sent home. Well, I guess I'll see tomorrow when it's on again.

The Amazing Race was in one of those Balkan states. The big thing this episode was the fast forward. I didn't know that the racers could only do one so the border patrol guys couldn't do it. So the married airforce couple and the gymrat guys raced to stack hay bales. Okay, if you get to the fast forward and find the other team is already a third way done, for goodness sake, turn around and go quickly to the roadblock. Did the meatheads do that? No. Wow! Stupid! So of course the airforce guy and wife won the fast forward. Meanwhile, the other teams were at a task where one person had to be in a tank in a pool and escape it after it had submerged and turned over. Luckily, of the Kentucky guys, Bopper volunteered to do the task cuz Mark has displayed terrible motion sickness. Nobody wanted to see any puking underwater. As you can imagine, all the other teams were done when the gym guys showed up. Onto the Detour! They could either clean oil off of a hairy guy or hunt for a specially marked apple in a literal carload of apples. The hairy guy cleaning was gross and we heard hilarious comments from the racers. It was totally cringeworthy. For some odd reason, the people thought the mark on the apple was going to be really tiny so they examined each one carefully and the racers who did that task were quite slow. I was really surprised that only one racer ate an apple. My strategy would've been to bite each apple so I'd know which ones I had looked at already but they did put them in boxes so it wasn't necessary. Vanessa was the only one who dug armfuls of apples out at a time. In the end, the airforce couple hit the mat first and won cars and the gym rat guys came in last. It was ironic since they commented at the beginning of the show that they felt lucky. Har har. Maybe it made them too confident. Maybe it showed how stupid they really were.

The Celebrity Apprentice had another concept task. This time the teams had to throw a theme party to promote a Crystal Lite non-alcoholic cocktail. Clay Aiken took the project manager job and the peach bellini flavor. The project manager for the women was Aubrey O'Day (who?) and they took the pomtini flavor. The men seemed to work well together as men do and set up a beach party theme complete w/ guests in swimwear and beachparty activities like limbo, conga dances and a sing-a-long. I really thought Penn would juggle flaming torches but all he juggled was peaches. One thing that really cracked me up was Lou Ferrigno and Paul Teutal opening up those little drink umbrellas. Talk about having the guys w/ the hammiest hands do a delicate task. When one went flying, I was rolling on the floor w/ laughter. Meanwhile, on the women's team, they decided to make the party high falutin' which usually equals stuffy and not fun. The people stood around w/ a non-boozy drink in hand while Lisa Lampinelli made fun of their comments (awkward) and Debbi Gibson sang her jingle (more awkward). When the judges came around, Aubrey kicked her sell job into high gear telling the Crystal Lite people how great the party was and all they'd done blah blah blah. I say, if you have to describe how fun it is, it ain't. Where-as on the men's side, when the Crystal Lite people got there, the men just handed them a drink and led them into the fray of the party. No explanation needed there. As for the women's team dynamic, it's like Jr. High w/ the popular girls dissing the nice girls and letting them help but not really including them. OMG, in the boardroom the women are all complimentary and loving until the hammer comes down. Then the claws come out. I think the men realize Donald asks the same questions, "Who would you fire?" and "Which 2 are you going to bring in the boardroom if you lose?" So they answer honestly and concisely. You can tell nobody takes it personally because they know the PM has to say someone's name. On the women's team, Aubrey tried to say she loved everyone and blah blah blah. I and all of America was elated when it was announced the men won. Yay! For once, the men were unsure about the outcome, so there was genuine surprise and relief. Oh boy! Then the women pounced. Poor Miss Universe she can't catch a break. Aubrey also took in the other Argentinian into the boardroom too. Unfortunately for the other Argentinian, Trump likes his Miss Universe and is impressed by O'Day, so out she goes. Adios! I liked when Dee Snyder pointed out that Aubrey thought up all the ideas for each task but the women lost 4 out of 6. All I care about; Aubrey got knocked down a peg or 2. I think the teams are getting mixed up and I can't wait.

Unfortunately, I missed America's Next Top Model this week. Unlike the other shows, Tyra doesn't post the episode until the next one airs so I'll be doing 2 next week.

Well, that's about it. Saturday nights are all about the Britcoms on PBS. I especially love Are You Being Served? I'll be seeing what Mrs. Slocombes pussy is up to and I am unanimous in that.

See you next time people and stay tuned.